Losing my best friend, my grandma

[CaraLex0014]

Hello,

I can’t believe I’m here... typing this. Last month my grandma was being silly, active, and loving. One day she started getting pains in her stomach and we took her or the ER. She was diognosed with Liver Disease. From that moment, we knew it was managable. However, she began getting worse and her liver was detierating quickly, soon after her kidneys gave up. She began dialysis and had improved but then followed up again on Monday 2/26 and her blood pressure got really low. The doctors informed that there is no hope and it is best to keep her in hospice. 

Shes been home with hospice for two days now and she is not herself anymore. She’s not eating, drinking, and she’s breathing hard. I’m at a loss because I am about to lose my best friend. My grandma is only 68 and she was perfectly normal and in one month she is dying. We did everything together; she cared for my son, I’ve shared my whole life with her, secrets, visited my grandparents weekly, talked everyday on the phone. Now, she is slipping away. This is hitting me to my core and I can’t grasp my mind around this being reality. I thought I’d share this, knowing someone can relate. Thank you for reading and thank god for this forum.

[Sweetpe1]

CaraLex0014

I'm so sorry your going through this sad time. I truly do understand your heartbreak. Losing someone your so close to is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My mom was also perfectly normal at 69 years old. We always went shopping together and  talked on the phone everyday . My mom actually seemed more healthy than me. She was still working at a school with handicap children . She was full of energy and seemed fine until she started with pain in her ear. She thought it was a simple ear infection. She went to several doctors and was given antibiotics but still the pain was there . So we found a specialist and was told my mom had a spot of cancer in her Jaw area. It was pressing on the nerves leading to her ear. Well the doctors assured us with surgery this spot of cancer could be removed. So to fast forward a bit within 6 months my mom ended up with two surgeries and still the doctors couldn't seem to get all the cancer out . It ended up spreading to her neck area on her Carotid Artery and took her life. It all happened so fast . I wasn't ready to lose my mom ,my best friend. 

Its been three years since she passed away but still seems like yesterday. Its been the hardest 3 years of my life grieving over losing her. Its a good thing I have a good husband by my side who supported me through this. Just recently I've decided I must carry on , find a job and get back to work. Maybe I should've gone back to work right away , it may have helped me with the grief I have gone through.

CaraLex0014 Its going to be very hard to carry on , but you must do it. Try to be strong for her. Always remember the good times you had together , it will bring you smiles.  I've asked myself why a thousand times , but only God can answer that , and we must not question him . 

Prayers 

Sweetpe1

[kayc]

@CaraLex0014  I'm sorry for what your grandma is going through, and you with her.  I'm going through it with my sister, they said she had 24 hours to live, and again a week later the same thing, but a month later she is still with us.  I've learned to take a day at a time.  It took me some time to process this and make peace with it, I'd wanted to be her advocate and not give in to it, but we've done all we can do and now it's out of our hands.

Life begins but doesn't continue forever and that is hard for us finite beings to grasp, how someone who has been there all our lives cannot be there anymore.  I think of death not as the ending but a passage and know she'll get there before I do but we'll be together again...and that helps.

Comfort and peace to you as you go through this, I know it's hard, I've lost my husband, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, a niece, a nephew, many pets, many friends, and now it's starting with my sisters. 

[CaraLex0014]

Sweetpe1,

Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. It’s unbelievable how diseases will seem like a small thing then turn out to be deadly. It’s awful and I hate them 🤬 your words have already comforted me and I will be strong. Thank you. 

[CaraLex0014]

50 minutes ago, kayc said:

@CaraLex0014  I'm sorry for what your grandma is going through, and you with her.  I'm going through it with my sister, they said she had 24 hours to live, and again a week later the same thing, but a month later she is still with us.  I've learned to take a day at a time.  It took me some time to process this and make peace with it, I'd wanted to be her advocate and not give in to it, but we've done all we can do and now it's out of our hands.

Life begins but doesn't continue forever and that is hard for us finite beings to grasp, how someone who has been there all our lives cannot be there anymore.  I think of death not as the ending but a passage and know she'll get there before I do but we'll be together again...and that helps.

Comfort and peace to you as you go through this, I know it's hard, I've lost my husband, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, a niece, a nephew, many pets, many friends, and now it's starting with my sisters. 

Kayc,

 I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, losing family is very hard. I know it’s apart of life and as we get older it will become a thing of the norm. My papa told me how people will get sick and it’s something we all have to deal with. I will be strong for Grandma and show her that I will carry her recipes, advice, and much more. Such a beautiful woman she is. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience. God bless your family in this time.

[CaraLex0014]

UPDATE: My Grandma passed away this morning 03/01/18 at 10am. I went to their house at 930 and sat on the bed with her crying and holding her hand. She had tears near her eyes as they were playing her favorite Spanish music. I got up and looked at her face and told her sternly I was going to be strong, fearless, and I love her so much. I thanked her for everything she taught me and promised to take her recipes to my grave. My aunts told me as I left the house to go run an errand with my grandpa she took a sigh and passed away. I believe my grandma was waiting for me to tell her goodbye. I have not cried all day since she’s passed, I’ve been fine. I’m releived she is no longer suffering. Yes, I am going to miss the hell out of her but she is still with me and I believe she will always be my angel. Today has been a bittersweet day. The lord called my grandmother and it was her time to go to heaven. I hate any type of disease that will kill a person.

[enna]

I am so very sorry that your Grandma passed away today.  We will be here for you.  

[MartyT]

Blessings to you, my dear, and may your precious grandmother rest in eternal peace. Your final moments together as you described them are quite beautiful, and I hope that when you think of your grandmother, the love you have for each other is what you will remember most. ♥

[CaraLex0014]

@enna thank you so much. Take care 

[CaraLex0014]

@MartyT Yes you are right, I will cherish that moment forever. She was my second mother and I’m grateful to have shared so many memories with her. 

[kayc]

@CaraLex0014  I am sorry your grandma passed, I know you will always miss her being here but it sounds like she passed a lot on to you.  

[CaraLex0014]

@kayc You are right Kayc, she passed a lot on to me. It’s an honor.

[bsbmom]

So sorry for the loss of your grandma.  I pray for you that as time passes, the grief is replaced with fond memories of her as you celebrate her life.