cyndy Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 Eight years ago I fell in love. He was wonderful! I was a single mom, going to college, and he was my professor. Not as bad as it sounds, I was 33 and knew exactly what I was doing. I had been divorced for 7 years and never really dated after my divorce.He was everything I ever looked for in a man. We didn't date while I was in his class, we both agreed that it wouldn't be right. We did, however, spend many wonderful hours in his office, talking about everything and nothing. We spent a year getting to know each other. I fell more in love every day.After my final exam in his class, I was so excited. I was sure we would spend a wonderful summer getting to know each other in a more romantic atmosphere. That never happened. He didn't return my calls or emails, and never spoke to me again. I was heartbroken and never understood why he dumped my like that. He really seemed to enjoy the time we spent together. He looked forward to our talks as much as I did. Since then I have married a wonderful man, who has been a great stepfather to my children and a wonderful husband. He loves me and supports me in all I do. I have recently become disabled due to a rare illness and my husband is wonderful in taking care of me and understanding all that I am going through. A month ago I found out that my professor "love" had died in a one-car accident 6 months ago.I feel like I'm going crazy!!! For months after he dissappeared, I had wondered "why" and "what if", but I thought I was all over that by now. It's been 8 years, I made a life without him, and I never even thought about him. Well, not very much. But now, I can't seem to get over him. I find myself fantacizing about what would have happened if we'd been together, dreaming about him, and wanting him again.I emailed his best friend (another professor of mine) and asked about his grave, so I could say goodbye. I was told that his gravesite is not to be published, that his wishes were that nobody knows where he is. He had no funeral, no obituary, and has no marker. This makes me even crazier. I now have fantasies that he survived the accident but doesn't want anyone to know. Like he faked his own death. His only memorial is the college where he taught. I went there two days ago to say goodbye. I sat in the parking lot, cried, yelled at him, called him names,screamed at him for dumping me, and got even madder that he died in a single car accident. How could he be so stupid! Was he drinking? Did he fall asleep? I will never know, and I'm furious! He gave the world so much! His discoveries in the field of chemistry were life-changing, and he had so many students who he taught to change the world! Why do I feel like this? He wasn't important in my life. We never even dated, it was just a flirtation several years ago. But now I feel like I lost a spouse or a lover, and I didn't!Can someone please help me understand? What is happening to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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