Year anniversary update

[K.D.]

Well, it’s been almost a year since I had to let my best friend go. 

I would like to say I’ve had a healthy grieving experience, but I’m pretty sure I have not. 

I think I managed to compartmentalize the pain and shove it deep down inside. I have not been able to put up his bed or toys yet. I see them every day and feel a low level sadness. 

Occasionally I really truly truly remember and I get a stab of fear and lots of pain. 

He was my third rescue dog. After the first two died, one in 2001 and one in 2009, I was able to get a new friend within three months. This time, I have not, almost a year later. The pain is too bad still. 
 

So, I just keep getting up each day and waiting for time to blur the memories and smear the edges to where I don’t feel like utter crap anymore. 
 

 

[kayc]

@K.D.  I understand where you're coming from.  Arlie was my companion, my best friend, my soulmate in a dog.  I grieve him still...it was five months two days ago.  I miss him more than life itself can lend.  I looked for another dog but had bad experiences and had just about decided not to get another one...when my son brought me a puppy Dec. 10.  He's not Arlie.  He will never be Arlie.  But he's a sweet little playful puppy that is company.  Jan. 6 I had to put Kitty to sleep, she was 25.  The last of our little family.  It's hard for me to believe that they're both gone.  Little did I dream that they'd go within a short few months of each other.  

Have you tried attending a grief support group for this particular loss?  It might help.  I'm not sure time eases the pain, I will always miss and grieve Arlie.  But it does help to learn about grief and know you're not alone in what you're going through.  It helps to express ourselves and not bottle up this pain.  I encourage you to continue coming here and posting/reading.

[MartyT]

Yes, as Kay says, there are things we can do to help us "manage" our grief. I think the worst thing we can do is just to sit and wait for time to pass, as if the passage of time alone will fix it for us. Time is neutral; it's what we DO with the time that makes the difference. For example, take a look at the Tools for Healing forum on this site, along with our Tools for Healing Pinterest board, and read through Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief. Note the related resources listed at the base, too.

You don't say what, if anything, you've done to honor and preserve your memories of your beloved companion. Might you think of some creative ways you could do that? See, for example, Memorializing Pets We Have Lost.  ❤️

[Connor'sMom]

@K.D. I am thinking of you. Thank goodness for the opportunity to type our feelings of loss to people who understand.

Connor'sMom

[K.D.]

22 hours ago, K.D. said:

Well, it’s been almost a year since I had to let my best friend go. 

I would like to say I’ve had a healthy grieving experience, but I’m pretty sure I have not. 

I think I managed to compartmentalize the pain and shove it deep down inside. I have not been able to put up his bed or toys yet. I see them every day and feel a low level sadness. 

Occasionally I really truly truly remember and I get a stab of fear and lots of pain. 

He was my third rescue dog. After the first two died, one in 2001 and one in 2009, I was able to get a new friend within three months. This time, I have not, almost a year later. The pain is too bad still. 
 

So, I just keep getting up each day and waiting for time to blur the memories and smear the edges to where I don’t feel like utter crap anymore. 
 

 

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond. 

I had a fundraiser on my birthday last year to benefit the schnauzer rescue group that I adopted him from. That’s all I’ve done. I am stuck in that trap that “moving on” and “feeling better” means I’m somehow forgetting him.  Which I know is not true. I’ll be reading thru all the amazing resources on this site once again.