Tori Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 "Crying doesn't solve anything" pretty much describes my usual reaction to any crisis that has occured in my 70 years on this earth. Of course I would shed tears, but never any fits of hysterical weeping! That just isn't me!!! Instead, my way has always been to dig in, concentrate my efforts on doing everything I could to get myself and my loved ones past the crisis and not waste time on uncontrollable hysterical tears or feeling sorry for myself. After the illness and death of our daughter 13 years ago and even though he'd just had open heart surgery, my husband and I were able to remain strong and devote ourselves to helping our teenage granddaughters adjust to the loss of their mother and the changes in their lives. I even went to counseling a few times and after the third vist, the counselor agreed that I was doing just fine and didn't need to go back. Hubby and I and the rest of the family could still manage to talk freely about our daughter, how much we loved her and missed her while the tears would slide down our cheeks. In spite of the devastating pain of loosing her we could still function. I also kept a journal the first year after her death which helped me tremendously. Writing has always been my natural tranquilizer.May first my beloved husband of 54 years passed away at home. He was under the care of hospice and even though I was heartbroken in those last weeks I still managed to function and see to his needs along with the help of our daughters and son-in-law. After his death I managed to be strong for the girls and grandchildren, and take care of all the necessary things that had to be done. I was even able to have lunch with longtime friends. However last week the last i was dotted and the last t was crossed and suddenly I find I can't cope anymore. Since then I've discovered I can't bear to be around any of my wonderful family and have gone into virtual seclusion. I find myself crying continuously, so much so that it hurts physically as well as mentally. I can't even bear to talk to them on the phone for fear that all they'll hear from me is sobbing. The only time I seem to be able to control my emotions is if I am alone and out in public such as grocery shopping, getting a haircut, or stopping somewhere for a bite to eat while sitting alone with a book for company.I've tried to begin a journal and before I can even open the word program, I'm sobbing so hard I can't even begin. Hospice has called me once to let me know that grief counseling is available, but I wouldn't even be able to compose myself long enough to talk to a counselor. Yesterday I finally got up the courage to see if Hospice of the Valley might offer a discussion board in which I could express my feelings without the embarrasment of subjecting others to my uncontrollable sobbing, and sure enough I found this one! This is the first time I've been able to write or speak a word about the devestating agony of my loss. Of course I've just about emptied the kleenex box while doing so. I really don't know why I'm posting here or what I expect it to accomplish, but it's a start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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