Loss Of Husband

[MzzButterfly]

I am new here. And very thankful that I came across this site. It is just so unfortunate that we are all experiencing the pain of our loved ones. It has been two and a half months since my husband passed away unexpectedly. I have had people tell me that it gets easier. I have a hard time beleiving that. How can it get easier when it seems like the more time goes by the more you miss them and want to feel safe in their arms just one more time. This month has been a very difficult one for me. His birthday was at the beginning of the month and then there was fathers day, and then just two days ago was our wedding anniversary. That was a very difficult day. I treasure the time I had with him and I am so thankful for the memories and years that we had together. I am constantly on the go trying to keep busy until I go to bed, and even then I can't sleep. My mind never rests either. I think I'm afraid that if I stop then I may crash. It is such a painful loss. There are days when I feel like my heart is broken. Maybe as time goes on the pain lessens? I don't know, but my memories of him will never fade.

[LarrysGirl]

I'm glad you found this site because it is filled with wonderful people who share and are trying to find their way. I'm at the seven month mark and I have to say that it doesn't feel easier at all. As time passes for me, I just miss him more and feel more sorrow. So I wanted you to know to keep writing here and you will find friends and support and lots of understanding.

[kayc]

I am sorry you lost your husband so unexpectedly. I can't say it gets easier, but it must somewhat, we've somehow survived...it seems worse now for me at a year than it had...I miss him more as time goes by, not less, especially as I see how really unique and unreplaceable he was...but then I knew that, that's why I loved him. Please keep coming here and airing your heart, it helps. And you'll find people here that are feeling the same things.

[dpodesta]

I lost my wife 3 months ago, it is a little less painful, but I wouldn't say it is easier. I am in the same boat as you, I keep my self so busy so that I won't have to think about it. I have to take medication in order to sleep. I did find out from a support group I started going to that this is normal in fact they said if you get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep during the first 6 to 9 months, consider yourself lucky. I have heard so many times that the first year is the hardest. Keep hanging in there and keep posting and reading on this site there are so many here that are going thru and have gone thru what you are going thru now.

God Bless

Derek

[MzzButterfly]

Derek, I am sorry for your loss as well as everyone else who is on here.This is a wonderful place to come and share with others who are going through the same thing. Sleeping is the worse part. I am getting myself into a support group also. I know that I need to, because I don't know how to face that he is never coming home, even though I know he is gone. It was so unexpected. We had so many plans and he was so young. I miss him so much. Thanks for letting me ramble on. Take care. Mzz.butterfly

[Claudia]

Hi everyone...I was out of town for three weeks, it was wonderful...and then I had to come home. It was very hard driving back home. When I crossed the state line to Arizona, I fell apart. The memories flooded my being. It was extremely difficult to drive back into my driveway, with all of the memories flooding my soul. I had told myself that I wouldn't be visiting this site again; it was better for me I thought. But once I logged on and started to read all of the new postings, I felt secure once again.

I think I've told you before that this is the death of my second husband. I visited the gravesite of my first husband when I was in California. My grandson, who is 9 years old and never met his Grandfather, groomed his headstone and I introduced them. It was wonderful, yet so difficult at the same time. I freaked out when I was so unfamiliar with the cemetary that had changed so much since I had been back, I was not able to find his headstone.

My second husband died four months ago today. Today is not a very fun day!!! So many things have happened in these four months. Friends have said that "it is only two, or three months", yet to me it seems an eternity!! I can't say that the second time makes the first any easier to handle. It has been 14 years since my first husband died. I still an very confused, very distant, very hurt and very sad. At times all I can do is cry. But that really doesn't make it any easier to handle.

I wish there was a magic time where we all could say, things will be better. I wish I knew when that would be. We all must keep putting our best foot forward, trying to make some good out of all of this mess.

Time does distance us from the excruciating pain. But is does not make it any easier to handle. I think I know how it will be, having experienced it all before. But the second time is so much more difficult for me to handle. This was my dream I was living. And it was taken away from me. WHY???? I still do not know.

I do know that time eases the pain. And I am hoping for that now.

Please take good care, all of you.

And, God Bless.....

Claudia

Edited July 9, 2006 by Claudia

[spela]

I am sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've found this site, which has been very helpful for me. I can't say it gets easier soon. In the first few months it actually gets more and more difficult - at least for me it was so. The most difficult time was around 6 months. After one year it's been slowly getting easier. Not continuously, there are still times when I feel like I'm back there at the beginning, still times when I don't want to believe, but generally it is easier.

Unlike you, I am only now getting busy, in the first year I was exhausted from my tears and grief and I didn't have the energy for anything else. But I know how it feels when you are afraid to start crying because you're not sure that you'll be able to stop (if this is what you were talking about - that you're afraid to stop because you may crash?). Eventually you have to stop. It is ok to take time, to do nothing but cry and grieve ... I assure you, eventually you do stop crying, though at first it doesn't seem possible.

[MzzButterfly]

Spela, Yes, that is exactly what I was talking about. Thanks for the input.

One day at a time,

Mzz.Butterfly

[Charlie]

Mzzbutterfly

I come to this site every morning, sometimes I post, sometime I just read. It has helped me get thru the day. I am at 21 months now, 2nd anniversary just around the corner. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, it just gets more tolerable. You know this is how your life will be from now on and you try very hard to accept that.

I am so sorry you had to meet all these wonderful people on this forum. But come here often, you will fully understand the support after you have gotten thru the very rough first months. Everyone of us know your pain because the loss of a loved one is such a raw emotion it takes another lost soul to understand and we are here for you. So many times I felt so desperate and I came to this site and poured out my soul and such wonderful heartfelt responses kept me going.

We are here for you, we understand.

God bless you

Grace

Edited July 11, 2006 by Charlie