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I Can't Hide From My Pain


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I act like I have EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

But I don't. Actually I am drowning in my sorrow. 

I can't sleep. I don't eat right. And I Hate the World bcuz they are living life while the Love of My Life was killed. And Never will they find his killer or killer's.

It just isn't fair.

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I don't know the cause of your beloved's death ~ you say that he was killed ~ but the fact that this loss came so suddenly and without warning is partly why you're feeling as you do. Your entire world has been turned upside down, and as you say, it feels as if you are drowning. I don't know what, if any, support you have around you at this time, but I hope you have at least one person with whom you can be yourself and not be acting as if you "have everything under control." At the very least, you might consult with your primary care physician to get some help with sleeping ~ and perhaps a referral to a grief counselor who is familiar with traumatic loss. Simple things like staying hydrated, eating small but nutritious amounts of food and getting outside for some fresh air can help ~ even though I'm sure that taking care of yourself is the last thing you want right now. Still, that is what will give you the strength to bear up under this heavy load you're carrying.

I don't know if your beloved was a victim of homicide, but this article contains some resources that may be helpful: Surviving A Partner's Homicide

See also Physical Reactions to Loss   ❤️

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Thank You @Martyt.

I thank all of you. For being there even tho I can't see or hear you. I can certainly feel your presence. And right now that is Gold to me.

Maybe sometimes I ramble or my situation is very deep.

But God knows I appreciate all of you. Bcuz you are there and you know.

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We may not be able to change your pain or circumstances, but we can be here to listen and care.  :wub:

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I have yet to see you ramble, and it’s definitely OK if you want to.  The more you share, the more you will be heard.   Maybe more feedback if you want it.  It’s all up to you.  We aren’t going anywhere.  This is like a canvass.  You can make it whatever you need.  Maybe share your loved ones name so we can get to know them.  Whatever is comfortable.  The shocking way your loss happened must be so intense.  Violence itself is so devastating and to take a loved one must be excruciating.  My heart goes out to you.  ❤️

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You have not rambled.  You have given us a new perspective on loss.  You are one brave person and I certainly hope they can find the person responsible for your loss.  It will not bring them back, nothing can do that, and that is why I ramble on.  Please keep in touch and please lay all your feelings on us.  We cannot do a single thing to help find the person/persons/reason for your loss, but we all know loss and we can "listen" to anything you have to say.  I wish we could do so much more.  

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