Very Bad Day

[chrissy777]

This has been one of the worse days yet. I found some of our old videos from past Christmas's and when we were first dating I feel like I am going out of my mind. I want him back so bad it is killing me. This isn't fair! I hate this feeling of supreme severe lonliness. I know the baby will be coming soon and I hope I feel better so I can manage taking care of him let alone myself. I have a test to take next week for my at home schooling and I cant bring myself to sit and study all I can so is cry and hurt. Thank you all for listening. I hope no one else is feeling this way today.

Chrissy

Jason my heart is bleeding and I am incomplete I want you here!! Please God give me peace.

[KarenH]

Sorry you're having a rough time today. Finding things unexpectedly can certainly open wounds. I found a letter Paul had written me that he tucked away in a financial folder. He knew I'd find it after he was gone. He actually aplogized for putting us through his illness. I wailed in anguish when I read it. But now, 8 months later I get it out and it comforts me. Your memories are so very painful right now, you have so much going on. I hope that someday they will bring you happier feelings. Thinking of you...

karenH

[STARKISS]

Hi Chrissy777,

First of all I want to say that I am very, very sorry for your loss, and I am very sorry that you are having a rough day today.. I know that seeing old videos of the one you loss is very hard... I too found old video of my parents after they both died... I know in time you will be extremely happy to have the video you found but today it is too close to when you loss the one you loved... Take care Shelley

[Brooke]

I too have been having a rough couple of days, so I know what you mean, one day you feel okay, and the next day the pain is so raw. I went and saw Trevors grave two days ago for the first time, he past away 1 month ago, every emotion came flooding back to me, I don't know if I am coming or going, I haven't even left the house now in two days, if it weren't for my son I doubt I would get out of bed at all. I know it will be hard at first but I am sure you will find comfort in your new child, as I do. this is by far the best gift Trevor gave me, some days are harder then others but tanner gives me strength I need to get through it one day at a time. My prayers are with you.

Brooke

[JennO]

Chrissy,

I have found that just trying to let yourself be ok with feeling the raw emotion and even reaching out to someone to tell them..this stinks...has helped me. There are days my to do list never is looked at and I am learning to just be ok with that.

We built our house and moved in just three weeks before Rory was conceived and Jeff was gone just ten months later. There are days I feel like I can't leave the house so I can be surrounded by him and there are days I can't stay because the reminders are too much. I am very slowly..very..very slowly....learning to just be when I need to and just hop on here and listen to the experiences we all share. I was so sick of everyone telling me the first two months that it was just going to take time...darn it..I wanted to know how much, because I didn't think I was going to make it through. I still wonder how I will do this, but I wonder and try out different things to make me focus on my emotion, then move on to something else.

I am sending you lots of hugs and hoping you have lots of kleenex or toilet paper!

Jenn

[kayc]

Chrissy,

I am sorry...even now, after 14 months, I still go through it...I have a sudden thought or see something or something in some way reminds me and it hits afresh all over again. It's tough. Fortunately it gets less frequent as time goes by but I haven't found it to be any less intense when it does hit. Just cry, scream, let it all out...it's okay Honey. It's bound to hit us all no matter how well we're doing.

[lorikelly]

Chrissy

I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I think you should just let your self feel what it needs to feel. it is ok to cry and feel sad you have a right to it. take one day at a time and all we can do it is hope that tomorrow will be a little better. i will be praying for you and the baby.

Lori

[chrissy777]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. I feel a little better tonight It was just so hard to see the videos with me and Jason so alive and so in love. I think we were so much in love in the beginning when the videos were taken and back then you expressed it more. When you get married you usually expect the other person to know you love them and Jason showed me all the time. In the beginning of our relationship I just remember thinking how much I was in love like never before and it really comes out in those video tapes. Thank you all again.

Chrissy

Edited August 16, 2006 by chrissy777

[dpodesta]

Chrissy, I got your post on my Blackberry and my heart went out to you, unfortunately I can't respond to posts on it. I so much wanted to reach out and give you a hug and let you know I was praying for you. I am glad your are feeling better tonight, it is amazing how everyone on this site pulls together when one of us are having a bad day. Have a great night and here is a big hug for you

Derek