Calling

[Haley]

I am sitting hear today and thinking alot about my MOM leaving me and along with you all I know we are going through this together but I also was wondering if anybody else goes to pick up the phone to call the ones we lost to talk to them?? I have found my self picking up the phone to call my MOM or just saying out loud hey I need to call my MOM. I do not do it when I need her help thats when I sit on the end of the bed and talk to her or out side like her and I use to do when I would go and visit her. I try to call her when something good has happened to me and than it kicks in that she is not there for me to call, and that is when it hits hard my mind goes to work like crazy I beat my self up because I have tried to call her and I should know that she is not there.

Thanks

Haley

[amanda]

hi haley,

i you are not the only one to do this,16 months on from losing my mum i still want to call her and have picked up the phone to do so.

I also find that good news brings bad feelings,as soon as something happened good or bad i would call my mum and now i get really sad when i cant.

if it wasnt for the people on this site replying to me i think i would have gone insane.

maybe other people wouldnt mind if sometimes we posted our good news as we cant go loved ones any more.but i dont know what others think about that?

i know when i have good news it hurts and it hurts alot.

loads of love

amanda

[thartz]

I absolutly do that. It has been 5 months since I lost my grandmother and I still think I need to call her for a recipe or to tell her somethng about the kids. Then to getthe feeling that you just got kicked in the gut because you realize that they are not there to call anymore. We are all here for you and just know that we are all thinking of you.

[Haley]

Amanda / Thartz

Yea it is funny we forget about the about the good stuff. Who now do we go to and thank gosh for this site you are right! I turn here alot and talk to everyone about the sadness and Shell or anybody else that want to talk about anything and everything about other things and it helps because in my life everything is running together and its hard to seperate it and with the help or talking to or just crying here with everyone it helps. I use to call my MOM a few times a day but it was ok if I could not because we both were busy but I never agreed to not ever being able to talk to her again and she would call me all hours of the night really all hours she would wake up and call. To have it stop all of a sudden man what a blow to the stomach and heart mainly. I really would love to hear some good news from us here at our site and I guess it is not a bad thing to have happen just because we all have lost one of the most important person or people in our lives we still have to have some good some where really. I am just starting to move on a tad bit and it is hard I feel like I am not suppose to have a good time. I would love to hear my MOM's voice again I no that is not going to happen but why am I starting this all over again of everything about her. I do not regret anything that ever happened with her between us we are very close. We had this thing that we would talk about and that is that if we lived and learned than we have nothing to regret. I feel really funny like I have claimed up alot lately and don't want to talk to anybody about anything anymore and can not get any words out that make sence. I just want to call MOM and talk to her.

You also know what makes me so mad that I could just blow is that I come in contact with people where I live and they are jsut mean to the ones they love with words really it hurts me so bad that I sometimes say "Hey that is so and so be nice what are you thinking." I mean I know that at times people say and fight with the ones we love but man be nice 99% of the time.

Thanks

Haley

[Leann]

I do this all the time. My Dad and I talked on a daily basis; I either called him or he called me. I really miss those talks. I've picked up the phone several times since June to call him. His voice is still on the answering machine at our farm and I won't let my brother change it (and he doesn't want to). So I call the homeplace a lot just to hear the answering machine pick up.

Hugs,

Leann

[shell]

Haley,

I still will think, "I'll have to ask dad about that" and then get the punch in the stomach! I think almost all of us do it. When my uncle died I remember my aunt saying that she still thought he was just away on a trip and would walk through the door any minute. Even a year and a half later, I still can't believe my dad is gone sometimes. But, like you, I just talk to him anyway. It's just so hard to realize the finality of it all.

Hugs,

Shell

Amanda,

I think that is a great idea about us telling our good news on the board! I'd love to hear about something positive or exciting or whatever that's happening to any of the "family members" here!

Hugs,

Shell

[lorikelly]

I still think i am going to walk into her room and see her. she was bedridden here with me for 18 mos so i saw her everday . i have to remind myself everyday that she is gone, sometimes i have to look at her urn or read her prayer card with the date on it. i still think its a nightmare and will end soon. oh why can't it be one. i talk to her every morning and every night. i usually cry on the way home from work and ask her why she had to leave me. i know why but i would give anything to hear her voice. i think i may see a medium , i just hope i don't get taken advantage of. i need something. lori

[STARKISS]

Hi Haley,

I too have done the same thing, I have thought of something and found myself thinking I should go home and tell my mom... Knowing all to well that she is gone and I can not do that... I have lots of problems with that and I still say out loud good night to her and my dad... I have done that every day since they both passed away... I will keep you in my prayers and Take care Shelley