Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Hi...i'm New...and Crying

Guest Mrs.Charley

Recommended Posts

Welcome Mrs. Charley,I'm glad you have come to this site, I wish not under these circumstances. Believe me when I tell you I UNDERSTAND about the mission you are on regarding your husbands death and all the mistakes that were made. I am on a mission also due to neglect and mistakes that were made by some doctors, etc. It is very hard to do on your own. My Larry's family isn't interested in pursuing any of this, but I have to. I don't know where God is either. We prayed constantly, he was on prayer lists everywhere. Now when people say to me to lean on God, WHAT?? Maybe one day. Not now. I can feel your hurting and I'm so sorry. Please take each day slowly, try to give yourself a break and let your mind rest some. It is very hard. Deborah

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Mrs. Charlie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. This has got to be the most painful and angering thing you've ever experienced! I think the most important thing you need right now is a super good lawyer with a whole lot of fight in him! Going out of area for a new lawyer was very wise. You need someone who is neither impressed nor bought off by the employer. They broke the law and should pay. The system should also be held accountable...for their lack of training in 911 calls, for not advising you of your options, for not doing an autopsy when you wanted and would need one, and for their misdiagnosis of death. I wish you all the luck in the world in your case and certainly hope you win...for ALL of us!

My husband had a fatal heart attack 12/19/04...he was driving and when he crashed following his heart attack, the airbag going off gave a thrust to his chest that restarted his heart. We didn't know any of that until he was in the hospital mid June 2005 following another heart attack. The heart surgeons said if they had caught it in time they could have done a five-bypass surgery that would have given him another 20 years on life. However, he had been complaining and complaining to his doctor that he couldn't breathe, he had ankle pain (another symptom), tightness of chest, and the doctor NEVER sent him for heart testing! Now he's dead, he passed away Father's Day 2005. I never sued because it wouldn't bring him back and the negligence is so hard to prove...how do I prove what he told the doctor or what the doctor told him? The only records are what the doctor has in his possession, which he could easily alter if I presented him with a suit. He writes his own chart notes...it's a small country town doctor. I had told George to seek another doctor but he put it off. But your case is so mishandled that I feel there is no way you could NOT sue!

About your move, Honey, please don't be so hard on yourself. YOU did not cause Charlie's death...his employer did, the 911 operator (or rather her trainers) did. It is natural to want to be near our kids. And if Charlie hadn't wanted to move, he wouldn't have. You were in this together and it's not your fault he's dead. I am going through some of the same stresses that you are, for after my husband passed away, my job ended. I had to remortgage the house I'd once had paid off to pay the hospital bills and now I have myself in a bind, needing a well paying job to make ends meet, being out of work, no money, and time running out. It's scarey. You are trying to do this while his death is still so fresh, that has got to be hard. Is it possible to move in with your daughter for a while to cut expenses and not be alone so much, until this lawsuit is settled and you have had more time to adjust? She works full time, maybe you could help out by fixing dinner, etc. that way you'd be contributing and lightening her load a bit. All I know is, you are in a hard situation right now and brainstorming creative solutions might be of help. I wish you the best in your days ahead. About spiritual solace, listen to your inner heart for solutions...if you find comfort in a walk or beautiful surroundings, then go there, if in a church, go there. I have a book called "Pathways to the Soul" and in it it talks about how we are nurtured spiritually through different ways...we laugh when someone says they feel closest to God when fishing, but there's actually some truth to that. Some through liturgy, some through nature, there's different ways to find that connection to Him. I will keep you in my prayers.

Edited by kayc
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Mrs.Charley


Thank you for your understanding. I am struggling to keep going...I feel like crawling under a rock and curling up in a ball and just sobbing til' I can't anymore.

I understand how family members can be...my son-in-law(whom is from this area), thinks I should just "give up" and move on! I CAN'T! This was my HUSBAND! Why can't he understand that! Thank you for your kindness and encouragement...I wish you strength and guidance in your pursuit as well.

I am glad I have found this site(a friend from TX emailed me the link), as I have been unable to find any grief counseling groups here.

After tomorrow...I will hopefully feel better, as the new attorney feels confident of bringing Charley's case to justice.


Thank you as well, for your kind words and help with brainstorming. Unfortunately, my daughter has her husband and 3(my grandchildren)have a home of their own 8 miles from me. She does what she can. I think she is feeling a bit guilty herself...as it was her urging that finally convinced us to move here. I don't hold that against her at all. It's not her fault, it was OUR decision to move.

I know that the 911 operator(untrained as she was), must have been a "substitute" or new, as others I've spoken to in the area were unaware of the lack of training on her part. Of course I feel like I should have known CPR....I will take a class...this will never happen to me again...I WILL KNOW what to do.

I agree that going out of the area is the wisest thing...I know that NOW. I didn't realize the "tight" network here....until I've gone thru' it. It was a mistake to waste the last 7 wks. on "waiting for attorneys" to get their act in gear....especially when they had no intention of pursueing this case.

I'm sorry you can't pursue your husband's case, I'm certain that must be even more difficult.

On another note....I held a small gathering in rememberence of my husband at our favorite spot at the lake. It's a beautiful spot...with lush greenery, and a panaromic view. It had rained that morning of Sept. 5th...so the air was fresh & cool. A crane paid his respects by "presiding" over the entire service, just standing just at the water's edge. Everyone remarked how unusual that was...and then it began...fish were literally jumping out of the water and back into the lake. Large bass & catfish(I guess...not much on recognizing fish). I remarked to my daughter how it was so fitting...as my Charley, whenever he would catch a fish, he would release it again. That day, he didn't need a line...they were jumping up to greet him.

I go out to the lake almost everyday...to our spot. And as unbelievable as this sounds...the fish "jump up", everytime I'm there! A local resident that was fishing nearby in his boat, the last time I was there...couldn't get over it...he said he had never seen anything like it. I know he's with me...in spirit...and he shows me every chance he gets.

As to God...this morning while going into bathroom...I found, lying on the rug a silver cross...I don't know where it came from...it isn't mine. I live alone here, so it's not like someone could have dropped it. Even when my daughter & grandkids come over...they don't go upstairs(upstairs bath), as they are too uncomfortable as our bedroom where I found my husband is upstairs. So the cross is a mystery for now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mrs.Charley- I too am saddened by your loss and I hope you get the satisfaction you need. Sounds like there was nothing but incompetance...all the away around!

I also wanted to let you know, as you can see by my "name", that I lost MY Charlie - Nov. 16th will be 2 years. Can't hardly believe that I have survived this long without the man I loved more than anything...but somehow I have.

If you just keep coming here, we will do everything in our power to help you get through this. It's a long, lonely, sad road, but we're all going down it together. We are our own "family" here because no one else understands our pain but us. Rest assured...we DO understand.

We truly are glad you found us. My heart goes out to you!!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Mrs.Charley,

Welcome to the site!!! I am very sorry for your loss.. The people here really know what you are going through and really understand.... If you need to keep posting on this site and you will find the help you need Take care and I will keep you in my prayers Shelley

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mrs. Charlie,

I want you to know that my mom and I prayed for you today, and specifically about lawyers getting justice for you. You haven't had seven weeks wasted, you learned a lot about what you were up against and I believe it will make you all the more formiddable a foe when you do battle with them!

Perhaps the cross was a sign that God is still here with you. I loved your story about the crane and the fish...that is so neat. Keep coming on line here, we support each other day by day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Mrs. Charley,

I'm so sorry for your loss - the anguish you're going through, I think we can all relate to!!

I loved your story of the fish and the cross!!

My husband, Dick, died August 24 - and one day I was sobbing and crying and calling out to him to please let me know he's ok...and I remember saying "I miss you so much". About an hour later, I was in the room where he died *trying* to go through some things and tidy up a little. On his nightstand was his little, black meditation book - he read it every day - and when I opened it up a card, a picture, of St. Jude fell out and Dick had written on it, "I love you, Benita. I miss you. Kim as well. (she's my daughter) But there's not much time left". I don't know when he wrote it, but I do believe that it was a message from him - to let me know he was ok.

I love the fighting spirit evident in Kay C's post - that's enough to get us going!!

Love, Benita

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mrs.Charley, I am so sorry to find you joining our little family at this site but am happy you found your way here. I wish no one had to go through this pain. And then to have to deal with the "mistakes" leading to your loss of your husband. I am so sorry. You do what you need to do...you fight with all your strength. I am familiar with the GOB atmosphere. It will not change anything but you can bring them to their knees and perhaps save someonelse. I am 16 months into this journey. I have second guessed moving here and the events that followed..having Gene in an emergency room the night we moved. All the people who ignored his medical records that I brought with us...a staggering tower of papers. And all the doctors who lied...using the good old saying "oh, you moved and your body is responding to the move". No one listened to "heart condition". The doctor who would not talk to me when I asked if I needed to call in our children will haunt me forever. The mistakes that I could write a book on will haunt me. And I thought about finding a lawyer in the end. But I decided personally to let God deal with the doctor who lost his humanity and lied so much. I did not have the strength to fight anything anylonger after Gene was gone. I wish you well on this fight...go get them all. And you will find support here always. We all know your pain...and your anger.

I wish peace for all of us left behind.

Always Gene!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

hello MrsCharlie,

I am so sorry for your loss. There is no good way to lose your spouse but I must say you have been put through heck. I hope you can get the justice you and your husband deserve. I know it wouldnt bring him back, but at least you can find some way to give his employer what he deserves. Actually you cant give him what he "deserves" but you can get him in some way. Keep coming back here and posting or just reading it has helped me tremendouly. You dont feel so alone when you know you have others to talk to who can in some ways know how you feel. Take care of yourself and like kayc said dont be hard on yourself. You did everything you could.

Edited by chrissy777
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...