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I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I haven't written in a few days, but I am still reading. I'm having a really hard time. I just can't stop crying and the sadness is just so strong. It just seems that the more time that passes, I just miss him more and more. Sunday was four weeks and I just can't stand it anymore. All I want is Sean, I just want him back, I need him here with me. Nothing has any meaning to me without him. Everything that happens, with work or the kids or anything, the first thing I want to do is tell Sean about it and I can't. Everyone says life goes on, and that I'll be happy again someday. I don't think so. I just feel like I wish I would die so I could be with him, but then I'd be leaving my boys. So, I'm just here and I'm so sad and lonely without him. I hate going to bed alone. Sometimes I can almost convince myself that it's not true, that it's only a dream or something. There is nobody else like my Sean, he's so sweet and funny with the most beautiful green eyes that looked at me with so much love. He loves all different music and he even wrote me a beautiful love song and played it on his guitar for me. He always told me I was beautiful, even when I looked horrible. And he always laughed at me and thought I was so cute and funny. I never met anyone more friendly or lovable, he ran into friends everywhere we went. He would try to help anyone and never look down on them. He was so forgiving and loving and patient with me. He got excited about everything, from sports to his car, to painting the house. What a great personality, so happy and enthusiastic about things. He took such pride in the lawn and pool, and his solar pool heater he "invented" and designed and built himself. He was so good to my boys and he took such good care of us, he kept us safe. He wasn't much of a "pet person" before he moved in, but it wasn't long before he was surrounded by dogs and cats, giving them hugs and kisses and baby-talking them, slipping them special treats. I love and miss him so much, I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without him. Love, Laurie

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Laurie,

Your Sean sounds really special, you two had a lot of love together...no wonder you miss him so much. I'm sorry it hurts so bad, I wish you could have him back...now, instead of having to wait like the rest of us.

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Laurie, I am so sorry the pain is so intense. The pain is so fresh and raw. Sean sounds remarkable. And you know all those things he did...all those things he got joy from...all of it because he was so loved and happy to be with you. Words can't bring any comfort for you but always remember how happy he was because he had you in his life. I am at nearly 17 months. I know your pain as we all do. Hang on...hang on to us and we will have a hand for you to hold on to.

Always Gene!

Always!

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Laurie

I am so sorry for you. i am at 4 mos since my mom and i must tell you i almost feel worse then the beginning. i have read alot about 3-7 mos being bad. i have decided again that i can only take one MINUTE at a time, i just can't do days anymore. i wish i could tell you something to make you feel better. i can only say i am here for you and i understand. i don't live far from you and i would be happy to help you with anything. even if you just want to get together and talk i am here. just email, maybe we could help each other. i have two boys 11 and 8 i am home during the day and leave for work at 3:30 mon- wed and work sundays. just know that i am here. lori

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Laurie- I, too, am so sorry for your pain. I miss my husband something terrible, too!! Time does make the pain a little easier; you'll see eventually. It will be 2 years for me next week and I still cry almost every day. Not necessarily sobbing, but I have tears in my eyes. I was just out on the back patio last nite talking to him and crying...telling him how much I miss him.

I think laughing with him is what I miss the most. We was funny, too, just like Sean - used to make me laugh all the time. I don't laugh alot anymore. Nothing seems funny to me..... Nothing will EVER be the same. We, too, had the best relationship - we loved each other, enjoyed being with each other and did everything together. HE will always be the one man I loved more than anything - even if I find someone else, someday. I, too, miss him and want him back; my life just isn't my life anymore....

The only thing that makes me somewhat "happy" is knowing that he is not suffering anymore. I want him back, but not with his disease. He had what they call Systemic Scleroderma (we didn't know until a couple of years before I lost him) which depletes your immune system and eventually cancer moved in and that's what I lost him from. I'm happy that he is disease free now!!

Just keep coming here to the people who understand how you feel. We'll always be here for you!! Take care.

Patti

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Thank you to everyone who wrote. You are all so caring, I'm very lucky to have met you all. I'm trying today, I'm still crying alot, but I'm asking God to help me understand. And I keep talking to Sean and telling him everything I wish I would have told him when he was here. I hope he hears me, and knows how much I love him. I'm going to the church tonight, the one we where we had the mass. They are having a mass for the Knights of Columbus members, who have passed. Sean was a member. So I think it will be hard being in the church because the last time I was there was for his service, but I'm going to try to really listen to what Father Scott is saying. I'm really trying hard to understand and believe everything. I have been reading a book about the purpose of life and I pray every night to God and to Sean. Thank You All, Love, Laurie

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