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It was my birthday today. Its been three months since my husband died suddendly and I thought all I had to look forward to was a visit to the hospital without him holding my hand. Instead I had my son take me, my daughter meet us for lunch and my other son, relatives phoneing and grandchildren singing I even had a cake. I missed him so much and the day started out bad.But the world suddenly got bigger and I even found a Birthday card hidden that my husband had got me. The pain is still there but the life we built together is still there and my husband is in all of our hearts so he hasnt really gone has he.

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First and foremost Flossie nobody has this worked out, which is why I'd imagine we come here together

in the grieving and healing process.

I for one am sorry for your loss, for both you and your children. In the same matter, on such a sad day

I'd like to extend a HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes towards you!

Apparently the approaching holidays are effecting most members, understandably so...it's rather quiet!

I apologize for the silence, it's a difficult time for everyone here.

For what it's worth, welcome...and happy holidays to you!

Sincerest of regards and warmest of wishes.

William

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Dear Flossie, I'm so glad you had your family to share your birthday, Happy Birthday to you! I know it feels hard and you miss your husband. The fact that you found a card from him, to me, is no accident and I'm glad you have that to hold close to you. It is quiet on this site right now and everyone seems to be preparing to deal with the holidays but we all wish you healing and happiness. Deborah

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Flossie,

I am sorry you lost your husband and I hope you had a special birthday even so, especially finding that card, that is really special. No, he hasn't really gone, not completely, but more like a "move" or a "change". We can't communicate or touch like we used to, but who knows but what they can maybe hear us? There's a lot we don't know, only that they live on even though their bodies die and we will get to be with them again someday, we just have to keep faith and be patient. At three months it is still so fresh and hard, you will get more used to it as time goes by, but it will never leave you completely...nor will he...he will continue to live on in your heart, along with all of your beautiful memories of the life you shared and the love you had together.

I am glad you found this site, I have been coming here since shortly after my husband died, and it has been what has gotten me through everything, the people here are wonderful and understand when noone else does. God be with you in your journey.

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Flossie,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is especially hard during times where we are suppose to celebrate. I had my birthday about 2 months after my husband died and it was horrible. You want more than anything to hear him say happy birthday or I love you. Luckily it is only a day. I know alot of days coming up that are going to be hard. I come here alot and it helps talking to others who understand. Take care

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Hi Flossie

Im glad you have come here to us. I think the 1st's are really hard to take. I haven't posted lately because it seems to be too hard at this time. Im glad your birthday went well. My children took me to Skippers, a fish & clips place. something just said go there. My husband took me there for several years. It had only been a month, and I hoped it would help me feel closer to him. It worked, we talked about Dad and his love life personality the whole time we were there.

If you can, try to remember all the good times, there most be a lot we can all share. The greif is real and painful, but the love they gave us will help us to remember all the great things our memories can hold to warm our hearts.

good luck Flossie and may god help you to remember the good times.

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Flossie1943,

I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been so hard for you, I want to tell you happy birthday and I'm glad you had your loving daughter, son and grandchildren by your side to celebrate with you. I think it was a gorgeous birthday gift to find a bithday card from your husband, wherever he is now I'm sure he was expecting you to find it and show you he's still with you.

Hugs, I wish you may find strength to deal with your loss, I really wish we may all do so. Take care,

Gaby

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Thank you all.Im sort of lost. My husband was of the old school he managed all the bills. Had the only bank account and generally looked after us. I diddnt have a bank account, cant drive,and didnt even know who to pay for electric. As I was the supposed invalid he didnt even leave a will. Its been a really hard learning curve on top of grieving.I still cry with frustration whenever another bill turns up. My husband also ordered lots of people to come work on the house and now Im having to pay them. I just wish they had a collage for brain dead widows. Im really angry with him, I kept asking how but he always told me not to worry and he would take care of it. Now I feel so useless, I also have a stack of papers I dont understand and Im to ashamed to tell anyone.

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Flossie, I'm sure this is all hard to cope with when you've never been shown how to do this. I'm sure your husband was doing what he thought was taking care of you, not thinking if he left, you would be left to cope on your own. Don't be too hard on yourself, just take it one step at a time. It is overwhelming. Is there any family members that could help you get thru some of these tasks you have to take care of? I know you'll figure it all out, it will just take some time. Right now, the grief, makes it hard to think straight, at least for me it does. So take it slow, I know you will be able to do this. Deborah

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Flossie,

It is a pretty hard time right now, My birthday was also three months after Mike passed away, I wish I had found a birthday card from him, that would have made me feel so good. My parents came by and I have my boys here for my birthday. It was pretty hard.

As for not understanding how to do the bills. Don't feel like your an idiot you should ask someone for help, if you have children old of age on there own, they can help you out. It seems like your husband was trying to take good care of you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

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Flossie, I am sorry you are having to deal with those issues on top of grieving. It is really a hard adjustment, but you WILL make it through it. I don't know how old you are, but have you looked in to calling senior services or Health and Human Services to see if there's someone who could help you out? I know someone came out and interviewed my mom to find out her needs and see how they could help her, but she's in her 80's...it might be you don't have to be that old though. I'm sure every state is different on who to call. I was married for 23 years and my husband handled the bills and all of a sudden he got a divorce (I worked full time but always handed over my paychecks to him) and cleaned out the bank accounts and left me with nothing to pay the bills with, the electricity was two months behind, the wood stove didn't work because something was broke on it but he didn't tell me so I didn't know until Oct. when I wanted to build a fire and it took a month to get the part so it was pretty cold until then...and I had both kids still at home. So I know how it feels to be left in the lurch...then I married George and was so in love and happy and thought I had our lives figured out...and then he suddenly died...way too young. Life happens like that, but we have to get through it...just be determined and you will make it. Don't be afraid to ask for help...someone from church, a neighbor, a friend, kids, SOMEONE! Never be ashamed to ask for help or accept it, you WILL learn what you need to know, and you WILL survive this, it just seems overwhelming right now because you have so much on your plate already with the grieving. I will say a prayer for you...

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