Dad Is On Hospice Now

[pebbles]

Hi all,

I am new to the boards here and I am looking all over and learning alot from reading all of these posts!! My dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year and a half ago. He had surgery and they removed "superficial tumors". He was fine...you would never have guessed he had cancer. Then this past July my mom noticed he was losing weight, not eating, tired, etc...From that point on everything has happened so fast! He was going to have surgery and have his bladder removed and then all of a sudden he needed chemo, and then surgery and then one kidney started to fail. He tried chemo and was so sick. They live in Arizona and I am here in the midwest. I went out there a few times and saw how hard he tried with the chemo and he still stayed so positive...thats his way! He had terrible infections and chemo made him so sick he just could not do it. He decided he wanted hospice care. So here I am now, still trying to get that to sink in. The hospice team is wonderful from what I hear...I havent met anyone yet. My dad is at peace with the decision and I think its the rest of us having a harder time. I am sorry to ramble...it feels good tho to get it out and I keep trying to do that. I just want to soak up every moment I can now and get out to Arizona as often as possible. Thanks for listening. May God bless you all and I look forward to continuing to share and learn on these boards.

[lorikelly]

I am so sorry. my mom was on hospice for 1 month, i kept thinking i woudl have more time with her. i nevered accepted that she was going to die, crazy? i hope you can spend as much time with him as possible, say everything you need to say so that you will not feel guilty about anything. i wish you the best. Lori

[STOO]

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad; I know its a difficult time for your entire family. I do hope that you will be able to visit frequently. Is your dad able to talk on the phone, for those times when you are unable to be there in person? Any time you want or need to share - come here. We will always listen and support you. ~STOO~

[Trudy1964]

My mom had hospice for 2 days. I can't toot their horn enough. We had only known she had cancer for 3.5 weeks before. Be their as much as you can, via telephone or in person. I admire the strength your Dad has. My Mom made things easier for us. She made all the hard decisions. No treatments, not wanting to live like that. Your Dad's strength will help you through. Keeping you and your family in my prayers...

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[shell]

Pebbles,

I'm so sorry about your dad. I feel that Hospice is a group of angels. I don't know how we could have gotten through my dads death without them. A book that you might want to read quickly is one called "Final Gifts". It is written by Hospice nurses and explains how people can go very peacefully. I wish I had read it BEFORE my dad died. It might give you some well needed peace about the situation.

Hugs,

Shell

[Bebekat]

I'm sorry for your Dad. Hospice was a wonderful thing to have in our home for Tom's last week. I was not at the bedside at the exact momet when he passed, but those days we had were so precious. I can't thank Hospice of the Valley enough for that. I hope you will find peace with your Dad's decision.

[AnnC]

My dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, stage 4, last February. The only symptom was that he had a little trouble swallowing. From then, he had radiation and chemo, lost his hair, his appetite, had nausea, weakness, balance problems, and his memory started to get bad. They kept up the chemo, but the cancer spread. It spread to his brain this fall, which it probably had already been earlier, thus causing much of the confusion, balance, and memory issues. He was finally in a wheelchair, and was falling out of bed because he would try to get up during the night, so we decided my mom could no longer care for him. We got him into the hospital on Thanksgiving, and they said the cancer had recurred in the original site, so that meant it was resistant to treatment. My mom felt awful that he had to suffer through all that treatment, and it really did hardly any good! But still, I figure they did their best -- you never know how it's going to work out. Anyway, they recommended hospice.

I was happy with the hospice recommendation, and so was my mother, because we were both determined that we not make my dad suffer longer just to keep him with us. My sister had more trouble with it -- she was so focussed on fighting to the last moment that it was hard for her to change direction, as she saw it. But when my mother pointed out that continued treatment and resuscitation efforts would prolong his suffering, she got on board too.

We found a beautiful 24 hour care facility just four minutes from my mother's house, and got hospice over there. My dad only lived 8 days after we moved him there, and we spent all of his awake hours with him. He was fine for four days, eating well and talking to us, but very tired (which had been increasingly true for months), and wanted to be sleeping most of the time. On the fifth day, we had to have hospice come because he suddenly had very bad pain. It took them about a day to get it under control, and after that he just slept, and slipped away in his sleep three days later -- he just stopped breathing. My brother was there. I am so happy he died like that instead of being hooked up to machines and tubes -- he would have hated that.

Ann

[Trudy1964]

My Mom was still in the hospital when the papers were signed for hospice. I didn't want her to die in a cold white hospital room. We took her out, and with the help of hospice, brought her to the home she was so proud of. They helped us administer her medicine to make her comfortable. We were able to make sure she was pain free. More importantly, all six of her children, our spouses, all grandchildren and her only sister were able to be there with her for her last 2 days of her life. Hospice made this possible. They are truly angels on Earth. I didn't meet our angel, Tara, until after my Mom had passed on July 16, 2006. I had talked to her many times on the phone but had not met face to face. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her. She got me through 2 of the darkest days of my life. They still call me every now and then to check on the family to see how we are doing. I hope your family finds as much comfort in the group ya'll are using as our group brought us.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[Haley]

Pebbles

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Keep in touch with him as much as possible and try not to let him see you cry that helps him out more than you know. Be strong and cry when need.

Whats the saying "If you can not say anything nice don't say anything at all" I am not speaking about hospice, sorry to offend anybody but we all have our opinions.

How is your family are you all close that you can lean on each other?

Thanks

Haley

[LoriS.]

Pebbles, I am new here, too and feel for you. My mom passed away this passed October, and I also live far away. It's very hard not being there to see everything that's going on. Circumstances would have it that I broke my arm in August and wasn't able to work (I was a manicurist for 22 years) and I was weaning out of the job anyways. My kids are grown, so I was able to go back east and be there for as long as was needed. The hospice people...from the financial issues all the way to the caregivers and nurses are angels from heaven here on earth. They were amazing.

Best of luck to you and I hope you can get out to Arizona soon!

Take care...Lori