It's Hard To Feel Alone...

[karenb]

Hi All....You feel you're doing fine and then it just happens again. You hear your neighbors doing things, they take the fence down so their dogs will run through their flimsy wire fence at your dog so you can't let her run free as always, people are laughing, and you just get this darm lump in your throat....you just wish you could have your husband back again and you just can't. There will never be a time like that again. I just wish I could sell this house and move to the woods with my dog but I can't. I really miss him. I really don't belong here anymore but there's nothing I can do about it. I am 68 years old, in great health (basically), people tell me I look like around 55 and that's good but who cares? I have some lady friends and my sons are in other states but my daughter is close....she's a very fine person. Maybe it's just a "down" time. Tomorrow will be better.

Karen

[ustwo]

Karen, I am so sorry this is a day of struggle. It's so hard to get through the worst days. Every time I think I am doing better a day comes that closes the sunshine. I thought at times that I was the only one that after 2 years could still have such painful, empty days. A friend of mine said to me a couple of weeks ago that I was doing so well....I guess we all hear that. Usually I don't even respond but that day I just told her that I've just gotten better at putting on a "face" for the world because people are tired of hearing my sorrows. Today my brother-in-law asked if I was planning sometime to move closer to my family. My answer......I just deal with today the best I can, I don't worry about tomorrow, I don't plan anything for the future. I did that once in my life and God had another plan so I'll let God plan tomorrow. And I'll deal with it when the sun comes up in the morning. I think it's all we can do for now.

I hope the sun comes up to greet you with a less painful day in the morning. I know how much you miss your husband. Nothing will ever be the same but the sun will come up. And I'll greet tomorrow carrying Gene with me. And if I fall then maybe the next day I can pick myself up again.

One moment at a time but with your friends here who understand.

Always Gene!

Always!

[teny]

karen ican understand the way you feel Im not in abetter mood but i just want you to know that i think of all of you sufering the same pain . teny

[Stallyn]

Karen,

Thats a situation I feel with you, the joy, companionship, the desire to have it all the way it was, I been thinking alot of moving out of the state but its complicated and expensive, we are thrust in a undesirable situation of lonliness, but you are successful in coping with this! You such an inspiration! May many days be a beautiful sunrise for you to smile at!

William

[karenb]

Thank you. Today is better. I met with my lady friends....such good people! I mowed the lawn, took my dog for a walk, and had a call from a friend and her husband and asked me to have some dinner with them on the 4th. I swear I really do believe the Good Lord provides for us if we believe and ask for his help. My garden is growing and there was a cute bunny in the back yard....I need to watch out for the garden! My goals of a happier life are coming. William, you are a good person and good things will happen for you, too.

Karen

[Charlie]

Karen,

How much I relate to what you are saying. I too am in my 60's and spent all of my adult life with my husband, marrying at 17, together for 46 years. This lonliness is unbearable sometimes. I tried to move on with my life, got a job at my age and that helps during the day, but coming home at night to a empty home, eating dinner alone is so painful.

My kids are busy with their lives and families so I don't like to interfere, but what to just shout out to them and the world sometimes, IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW LONLEY THIS LIFE IS. I try to keep on a happy face around them so as not to remind them of their dads passing but I don't think anyone understands this type of lonliness unless you experience it yourself.

It will be 3 years this Oct and I thought by this point I would be so much better but there are still days I just want to die.

I counted too on my husband to fix everything and now I just feel so lost when I need something repaired, of course my son does all he can for me but he has his own life and family to take care so I do not want to become a burden.

A dear friend lost her husband a few years before me and I feel so guilty that I was not there for her more than I was, little did I know that I would be in that same boat a few years later. I feel very guilty that I did not understand, but I do now.

Just nned to vent when I read your post, today, 4th of July a Holiday, I will spend it alone. How sad is that.

Grace

ONLY YOU

7/1/38 - 10/20/04

[Gods Princess]

Hi all and love and prayers to every one of you

Katenb

I hear you loud and clear. Oddly enough I had the same problem with a flimsy dog fence and my dog ended up at the pound. (Very costly). I lost my husband five years ago and it has been difficult for me primarily as he took his life. The first two years are the most difficult but the swells do subside to a manageable level, so stay focussed on that. It is normal and natural to feel what you do but never loose sight that people may not understand what they haven’t experienced but they do care.

For me the realization that I am transparent to God and God knows exactly how I feel and cries with me is a blessing. I also know He loves us more than anyone, even our lost loved ones.

You will feel that you are back to square one at times but the gaps eventually get bigger.

You are absolutely right that the Lord provides, as He really wants an abundant life for us so keep asking and asking for that strength and peace.

Sometime you can find another companion but that doesn’t fill the void of the person you loved. Age is not an issue, loneliness is so I try to find things to do and people to connect with. At first I didn’t have a heart to want to do anything but slowly things come back and become important again.

Ustwo.

I noticed that people deal with grief differently, some very negatively but we all feel it. We need to feel compassion from others but we have to show grace when we can. Relationships are easily destroyed by a loss in a family but they can be mended with grace. Your family sound like they are missing you and that is understandable as we loose part of ourselves when this happens and it take a long while to find the new adjusted person we become after our loss.

I look to the good when I can try to be appreciative of the lessons we learn through trials. I know for myself I have become a better person, more considerate of others and I also had to learn to be a lot kinder to myself.

Charlie

I know we struggle not to burden our family with constant whose, but if out family don’t hear from us that we need them from time to time they assume we don’t need them. We can also appear too together and not allow our kids to see that it is ok to miss their Dad and grieve later down the track. We humans can be unrealistic at times with our emotions wanting to just ‘fix it and move on” but that can slow us down too. It is a juggle but again I believe that we are meant to feel it, move through it and slowly heal. If you believe what God says in his word it says, "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted"

Matthew 5:4

If we don’t mourn then God can’t help us.I got this quote from another site: http://clergyresources.net/Faggart/Beatitudes/mourning.htm

God has created us with built in systems to protect and insure the healing of our persons. Most of these systems are controlled by our subconscious and are activated without conscious thought. These systems protect us. Emotional release in grief is part of this system. Crying at death is a blessing and should not be thwarted. To thwart it will lock up one's emotional system and bring on illnesses that will work out the grief for us in another way. The best way is the natural and normal. BAWL YOUR EYES OUT!

Sometimes we can turn to family for support and they don’t hear or maybe they are having a good day, but I don’t think it hurts now and then to share that we really need a booster shot of company or support from time to time to keep us on track. It is like holding a bucket over our heads to catch our tears and every now and then we need others to take a cup away so as not to overflow.

Charlie, don’t feel too bad about your friend and remember it is early days still for her so maybe this is a good time to relate to her and support each other. Maybe your friend needs to hear that and that you want to support her now and need her too. I couldn’t think of a better person to relate to right now.

Oh and me? Five years on and I am logging into a forum on grief?

Well I am pretty good most of the time these days but things do turn up to make you search for a place to land for a bit of understanding. I am in a relationship, which has hit patches. I had been up late crying my eyes out. I am grieving a loss of a dream right now. I have had tremendous healing through God since I become a Christian not even a year ago. I really wished I had been lead there a lot sooner and saved myself a load of sadness. Anyhow I found myself crying on the sofa last night missing the man who was so attentive and compassionate in certain situations. I guess I don’t feel I have that right now and need it. He certainly was my best friend. I have let him go but now and then I miss my husband who understood me better than anyone ever has or has since. I guess we all want people to see who we are and to know our heart. We see the fruits of this when those people rush to help us. I guess we can find that through others in smaller pieces but a partner is that big chunk of love and consideration that we notice missing. I turn to God in these times and for the most part that does the trick, however I guess I need it from a partner too.

It takes time but again I can tell you guys that it does get a whole lot better in time if we allow ourselves to mourn, so do what you need and don’t shut off others from too much understanding of what is happening to you.

[kayc]

Karen,

I posted a reply and it isn't showing up. I've been experiencing computer problems and trouble viewing this website lately.) I just want you to know you're in my prayers, I understand totally, it is so hard to be alone and miss that person that used to be our greatest fan and used to take care of us in so many ways.

Edited July 6, 2007 by kayc