Gail_R Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 These last few weeks have been bad. I wake-up crying and go to bed crying what is the matter with me. It as been just over 9 months since Bruce passed away and just cann't get myself together. All I keep thinking about is that I wish that I could die so that I could be with him again. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Up until a few weeks ago I has having some not to bad of day's, at lest the good day's where getting to be more and the bad getting to be fewer and know I seem to be back at square one. I never thought that I would be without Bruce so soon. I thought that we had years left together but now I am by myself and I HATE IT. Wish I could get some help just not sure where to look. Thanks again for being here for me. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Gail,You are at one of those dreaded step back points in your journey. You will have several of these especially since the holiday season is coming up. Allow yourself to feel those feelings they will help you to move forward. It will take time, but I promise you it will get better. There were several times that I wished God would just take me up to Heaven and there are still timeas that I think about that. I can't wait for the day, for now, I just need to make the best of it and try and enjoy life until it is time for me to go home. I know where you are coming from, I never thought I would be a single parent of an 8 year old. I figured Karen would die before me since she was 9 years older than me, but I never figurred it would be so soon. You will be in my prayers, and know that this to shall pass.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted October 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Derick thank for your reply. I not sure I you did this. It is so hard. Bruce was 5 years older then me but he was still young 53 we had no signs that something was wrong with him. He die right in front of us. I will never forget as long as live. I think that is part of my problem these last few week every time that I dream I see Bruce laying in the snow. When will this get better or at lest that I can live with this. Thanks again for being here for me not sure what I would do without this site. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 I had something similar, Karen died as we were arriving at the hotel at Disney World from the airport. No signs or anything. For me it started getting better around the 8 to 9 month mark, however the 1 or 2 months preceding that were very difficult.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted October 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Derek it is 9 months now and it is getting harder for me. Not to sure why that is could be that Christmas is just around the corner or could just be a few mad weeks. It can only get better from here it sure cann't get my worst. Thanks again for be such a good friend to me. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrcelloboy Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Gail,It's really valuable that were here for eachother, as we all understand the way only those who experience this really understand.I started today on a bad footing, but being able to respond to you helps me feel a little better. One thing I've recently noticed is that whe I'm feeling "down" moments, they feel both overwhelming, and like that's all I ever feel. When I'm able to get past that moment a bit I often realize that it may not be as much of the time as it feels like. I will not give up believing that things will continue to feel better in the big picture as time goes on. It can just be really, really hard at times for now.Maqury Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Oh, Gail....I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I'll bet you're just pooped out from all this. Is there anything you can think of to just treat yourself a little bit? Have you ever been in a support group or talked to a counselor or anything like that? There are little self-help tricks that micht make you feel better during those "down" times...maybe the soothing tea or bath, happy music, pets, friends....there has to be something you like to do that might interest you. This place right here makes me feel better when I know I can just "vent" when I need to, like a human journal. Hangin there, Gail, you'll come out of it. Try and think of something beautiful and uplifting, even if you don't want to. Just take care.Your friend, Karen Marty is so right....I had some meditation tapes and other CDs that helped me at one time. And, get this, I put the headphones on my Sadie Mae (black lab) and they soothed her so much she fell asleep. My family cracked up when I sent them a picture of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Hi Gail, I'm struck by your statement that "every time I dream I see Bruce laying in the snow." You might consider trying relaxation audiotapes or guided imagery CDs before you go to sleep at night, as a way to help you replace those disturbing images and intrusive memories with more peaceful, relaxing ones. There are many Web sites devoted to this simple but very healing approach, and many online and corner bookstores carry some excellent pre-recorded programs produced by highly skilled professionals that you can use in the privacy of your own bedroom. You might begin by doing some reading about guided imagery by two respected experts in the field: What is Guided Imagery? By Belleruth Naparstek How Guided Imagery Works, by Joel Levey See also the posts in this recent thread: Not Sleeping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted October 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Thanks everyone and Karen you are so right without this site I don't know where I would be. It is so nice that I can come here and post. thanks again. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Gail,I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I dont know what to say, because like you, today feels so terrible to me..my heart is too heavy again. I need prayers badly.Karen, you just made me smile, i am thinking of sadie mae listening to music with the headphone. Thank u. can u post her picture here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I'll sure try...I'm not sure how. Thanks, she is a gem!LU Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Oh Karen, she looks so cute..seems like she is really enjoying the music. I feel much better now looking at the pic. Thank you karen, just allow me to give you a big hug for lifting my mood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Thanks for the hug....don't we all need them. She's my constant companion, loved my Jack so much and continues to be so loyal to me. Our pet friends are so wonderful. She loves music and meditation. If I start dancing around, she'll go get one of her toys and brings it to me, maybe so I'll stop dancing or just giving me a present...she does that for anyone that comes here....gifts for everyone! Have a peaceful evening....Happy Halloween!LU....Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Karen,The picture of Sadie Mae with those headphones is priceless. I am surprised she would sit still with those on. Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 She loved it! She fell to sleep with them on (true story)! Surprised me but then.....SHE OR WHATEVER SHE IS, ISN'T HUMAN!!!! Happy Halloween to you and Carson!LU....Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Thank you, we had a wonderful night and Carson got a lot of candy or should I say I got a lot because he won't eat it all.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 why is it that i am falling backward again when i thought i am already doing better? i feel terribly tired emotionally. it is very exhausting. i dont want to ride the 'roller coaster' anymore.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Lyn,Honestly, it really does come and go. I've been in this for just over two years and that really is the truth. Sometime "it" stays for awhile and then "it" goes. We are really such complicated beings who can explain the WHYs? But we are still here and working on it and doing well even though we don't know it. Have the faith, Lyn, you will be fine.....we all guaranty it, right, guys?LU....Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Lyn,I agree with Karen you will be fine!Karen,Sadie Mae is absolutely adorable! Hugs & prayers, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Hello everyone having a much better day thanks again for being here for me. Karen Sadie Mae is beautiful. i have a golden retriever she is 19 months old and a joy her name is Madison. I'm so glad that I have her when I'm having a bad day she is right there with me. Bruce was a dog lover he bought me my first dog for our 1 month annver. When we got married we moved to our farm and not being a farm girl I need something to keep me company when he was working his long hours in the field so we have had a few dog's inour life together but I must say I love the goldens that best. Thanks guy's. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Gail how are you feeling today? I am right there with you my friend, came into work yesterday with swollen puffy eyes from crying and I just told everyone I had a bad allergy night. I was doing better up till that point to so you are not alone. I am finding now that the more busy I try to keep the more my mind is active. If I try to get alot of things done around the house like my never ending laundry not only does it keep me busy but I feel good about accomplishing something. The other thing that helps me sleep more soundly is a nice shower or bath and some clean sheets...so restful.Karen I love the pics of Sadie Mae...too cute !Love,Wendy P.S. Will try to attach pics of my little gems...not sure if it will work !Thanks Karen ! They are my babies ! The first pic is July (sable and white) and Isabella the second is Taini then is kimi in her calendar photo then Yogi San and then a studio pic of Taini, Yogi and Isabella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Wendy....absolutely adorable little ones! What are their names? This is fun to do! It makes all this feel closer.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Hi ladies I'll have to get my daughter to show me how to put pitures of Madison and Kira up. Kira is my daughters golden and Madison's sister they are sooo cute. Madison is smaller that being said she still is 70 lbs and Kira well she is bigger she 85 lbs. Wendy today is a much better day. what a good nights sleep will do for a person. Thanks for being here for me in some of my darkest moments. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Marty,Thanks for that bit of information, I had totally forgotten about "guided imagery", I ran across that several years ago but the lady who conducted it isn't alive anymore. It was interesting!Karen,Thank you for sharing the picture of your dog, she is such a cutie! I'll have to try to do that with mine (my pictures are at home & I'm at work).Okay, I'm going to try to put my granddog, Skye, on here. (I just went to my son's myspace and got it). [attachmentid=190][attachmentid=191] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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