Does The Depression Ever Go Away?

[Terri B]

I lost my Grandmother 7 months ago it hit me very hard so much so that I had to take 7 weeks off from work. I miss my Grammy so very much, I know that everyone feels as if their Grandmother is the sweetest and the kindest but my Grammy never said a cross or negative word to any of us she loved us unconditionally. I love her all the more for it. I have had more of a hard time dealing with it than others in our family; it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t care if I ever woke up again, I prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in all honesty I wanted to die. It was a depression and helplessness that I hoped I would never feel again.

I took 7 weeks off from work to get myself better, I found a great doctor who really listened when I talked to him a very caring person. He assured me what I was feeling was normal and that I was not going crazy that grieving is a process, he had to assure me quite often that I wasn’t going crazy actually. I saw him a couple of times a week for months and begin to feel like myself again something I thought would never happen again. I no longer wanted to die I became more like my old self not completely but I didn’t feel as hopeless. I know I am still depressed but I have days that I just feel happy like the old times. When I have bad days now I don’t feel that complete helplessness and sadness that I felt before, I just pray for a better day tomorrow.

I had one of those days yesterday a happy day at least I thought so. Last night I overheard my Mother making some negative comments about me to my Father, really mean concerning my weight. I told my Mom I can hear you and that wasn’t very nice and she responded I’m not whispering which to me means she didn’t care if I heard her. That lone statement hurt me considerably I cried for 3 hours. I don’t understand it because I would never say anything to anyone that would hurt them whether they or a stranger or not. But, for the first time in a while I was right back in that same whole of depression and helplessness that I had been working to get myself out of. Last night I prayed to not wake up, unfortunately I did.

Do you ever completely escape this sadness or is it always there lingering waiting for something or someone to trigger it and you feel as if you are right back where you started months ago? I felt like I was doing better but I guess I’m not because I feel just as depressed and helpless as I did months ago.

[LoriS.]

Terri, I'm sorry about the loss of your dear Grandmother. My mom died last year and my children, ages 25 and 21, were devasted, yet they were fine and able to adjust. I was just like you and I know that this whole thing hurts. You will adjust to this new normal way of life without her...I promise. Just remember that your Grandma lives in you. You share part of her DNA...your genetics. That is how I sometimes get by...just remembering that I have my mom in me because she created me.

I'm also sorry that your mom made those awful remarks about you and you heard what she said...and she acted like it was ok for you to hear.

This website saved me when I first lost my mom. You came to the right place.

Take care...Lori

[WendyJ]

Terry I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandmother, I am hurting alot today too. Today is 9 months since I lost the love of my life, my husband to a blood clot that went to his heart and I miss him so much and have been crying since I got home from work. It is so hard to go on isn't it, but we must. I am sorry too that your parents said what they did, that was not right at all. Maybe they are hurting too and just didn't realize what they were doing by hurting you? I too at times feel like I am right back to where I started, and I don't know why this roller coaster thing happens but I am told it is normal. I don't know about you but I don't feel normal, I hurt so much. Just know you are not alone here, there are many of us hurting and we all need to be here for eachother.

Wendy

[shell]

Terry,

Someone saying something that hurtful can definitely throw you backwards, and I'm so sorry you heard it. I'm also so sorry about the loss of your grandmother, but as Lori said, she is a part of you, and from what I'm reading it would seem that you are very much like her. Kind and sweet. Some people get angry with everyone when someone dies, or they hurt and want others to hurt too....all sorts of confusing emotions! Maybe that's the case with your mom, but as hard as it is, try to ignore what she said and go on from there. You will bounce back again, honestly. It is a rollercoaster ride, but you will go "up" again.

A big hug,

Shell

[lorikelly]

Terry

I don't know if it ever really goes away, i just think it gets easier to deal with it. some are great for me and others are not. i just do my best now to make the best of the bad. i think i will always live with the missing and that is what hurts the most. for me i remenber that 6-9 month frame being one of the worst times. i know just allow myself to feel sad. i know for me i still question what is the purpose of life, i think about this alot. i wonder about my own death also and i think b/c of losing my mom i am more afraid to die. something i nevered worried about before. i believe this is all normal . i wish peace. Lori

[Stallyn]

Terry,

Sorry for your loss, I been in similar situations, where we think those close to us consider out feelings and emotions, Its cruel and lacking compassion, if you can confide in someone you know will not hurt you in any way, I myself suffer from depression among other things and it really doesn't go away but simmers down for awhile, it gets easier in time but depending on who we are. I am at 9 months of losing my wife and thought well its going ok, until I picked up a favorite picture of Myrna and just lost it. So we will have bad days, but they'll spread out in time but always be a part of us.

Love,

William

[karenb]

Hi Terry,

You sound like a very compassionate and caring person. It's a difficult thing you're going through right now. Your grandmother must have been a wonderful person. I'm sure you have many pleasant and fun memories of you and her together. Try not to let what others say hurt you as you are very vulnerable now. I'm sure you will always love and remember her. I'm a grandmother, too, and I love my grandchildren very, very much just as she did. You try to take good care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen