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It's A Tough Time Lately


karenb

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Hi Guys, I have been reading but I haven't said anything lately. I didn't think I was going to go through these feelings again. Last Christmas and the Christmas before I was pretty okay, this year something has changed. I do just what I have to do, nothing more. I have no feeling, stare through my window into the backyard. I went to the women's group I belong to and my eyes welled up. The lady next to me lost her son 15 years ago in an avalanche and her daughter is fighting a progressive cancer daily. She is the one who told me that the novicane is finally wearing off, I've tried to be strong for so long and it's wearing off. I tried to hide my feelings but the group leader came behind me while someone else was talking, rubbed my shoulders with such kindness. Then I tried to leave out the kitchen so they wouldn't see me and she rushed up to give me a hug and just say she wishes she could just fix these things. By the way, all these women are "women of faith" and such wonderful, caring people. I go to exercise and I've got tears and they know what's happened and they hug me. I'm so grateful for all these caring women. I am relying on my faith and that certainly will help me. These lumps keep coming, but I am strong and will make it fine. Thanks for listening.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen,

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time this Christmas. I've been in a surprising depression too, but DoubleJo pulled me out of it! I think the key may be what you said, that you've been being so strong for so long. Eventually you sometimes just wear out and feel like you can't "be strong" another minute! During those times, just try to cry if you want, pamper yourself, do something that makes you feel good, just surrender. Rest and have faith that it will pass. Give yourself permission to not be strong.

Will be thinking of you.

Big hugs,

Shell

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Dear Karen,

Im sorry you are having a hard time now. I can relate well to how you are feeling..the numbness, the weariness of trying to feel strong. Shell is right, it is ok to allow yourself to surrender to the feelings when they come. Reading this thread brought me to tears again because like you, i have also been holding the tears for so long. I acknowledge that I am not strong, I am really tired and weary but I have also hope that like the previous months, I will get through this.

You have a very strong faith and it will certainly help you, that I can assure. Please hang on, I will be praying for you.

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Karen my dear friend,

I know how you feel and I could tell from your recent posts and lack of posts that you have been down. I have been praying for you. I don't know what it is about the holidays that brings back the memories so strong. I too have been down. I know it is the first year without John for me but it will be 11 yrs. Christmas day since my Jimmy is gone and it is still very hard for me. We need to let ourselves cry and have our moments to release the pain we still feel for our losses and we need to still just take one moment at a time. You have been so strong for everyone here and I for one appreciate everything you post so please keep posting your feelings whether they are good or bad because it does help and it does not mean you are weak it just means that you are human. You are a precious woman, Mom and friend and I will continue to pray for you for strength to make it through another holiday season. I am also praying for everyone here because I can feel the sadness and the lost feeling that we all are going through right now. We can make it through as long as we rely on each other for support.

Hugs & prayers to everyone, :wub:

Corinne

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Thanks so much you guys, you're very dear. Today and tomorrow I'm going to the local food bank and donate my time there, that'll help. The weather has kept me in for too long as well. The only thing I do outside is go grocery shopping and shovel doggy potty patrol. Is that exciting or what! Also the transcription service hasn't paid me for two months and I was going to use that for Christmas and two friends have just lost someone dear to them. Guess I'm just in a "funk" as my daughter calls it. I thank you all for being there.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen, dear ~

Whether you're in a funk or not, we'll still be right here with you, just as you've always been here for us. This is one place where you don't have to act any differently from how you really feel, or to "be" anywhere other than where you are. :wub:

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Karen I'm sorry that you are ahving a hard time. You are always here each and every one of us...so lets us try and help you. Christmas is a very hard time of the year and I don't care if it is 1day, 1 month 1 years it hurts when that one person you loved more then anything is not here with you. Bruce was the love of my life we meant young married young and he died young...but I most say that I was one very lucky girl to have found such a wonderful loving,caring man and have him ask me to be his wife. Just know that the wonderful men that we married our up there looking down on us and smiling...saying hey thats my wife. Karen you have helped me get through this and for that I thank from the bottom of my heart and just know that I'm here for you. You truly are a wonderful friend. Karen take care of yourself. Gail :wub:

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Thanks Gail,

I did go to the local food bank and helped sort and package up gifts. I'll help again tomorrow. Helping others seems to help me, too, and keep my mind busy. I'm gratefull for the people in this group, they feel like such good friends. Thanks so much.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen,

I am so sorry you have been down lately, your entitled though, you have been so helpful and understanding for all of us now let us be there for you. What is my take on this? I think our group has become so close that what one of us feels we all feel. How many times has one of us been having a fairly good day and we read what someone else has posted and we feel so bad for the other that as we are posting a response we are just bawling our eyes out, I am sure everyone of us can say yes to that. If someone hurts amung us we all hurt and that is because of the close bond we have all formed here. I don't think any of us are afraid to truly open up to the rest and tell it like it is and that is wonderful. I know you are feeling tha sadness of your loss but in a way I wonder if some of your sadness is because you know how much others in this group are hurting going through our first Holidays alone, I believe this to be true because we all know what a sweet caring person you are and I for one am so glad you are a friend !

Love,

Wendy :wub:

P.S.S. Gail what a wonderful picture of you and your hubby, I love it !

P.S. My Mom came out of surgery very well today, thanks to any who have said prayers for her, now it is just a matter of waiting for the biopsy's.

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Wendy....Cheers for your Mom! We really are friends...you guys are wonderful to me and I have so much gratitude. I thank you for your kind words. Tomorrow my chore at the local food bank is to help the older folks find the right present for them and carry it to their car for them...they'll have a meal and be with each other for a while. I'm so grateful for this opportunity and in the new year I'll continue to volunteer there. I do pray for peace for you guys and that brings a lump in my throat because I so know what you're going through. I pray for blessings on you all.

Your loving friend, Karen :wub:;)

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My Mother at heart, I am sorry you been down lately, you been through alot and shared your moments with us, I haven't written you in awhile but I miss you, I just hope today brought you some rest. BTW white or red wine? :wub:

Love,

William

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Hey William, I needed to help others so yesterday I went to the Maltby Food Bank to help organize the event today. My daughter has been helping out there every Thursday with the food, so she asked me if I wanted to help, too. Yesterday was a ton of work, which I loved. It's a big building and there were thousands of gifts donated by our community, I was really amazed. I love hard work, so this was good for me. Today I was a helper who took seniors, singles, family parents around and helped them get gifts for themselves and their children while their children were behind a curtain making their gifts. One family had 8 children with one on the way…they got tons of gifts. There was a lady in the corner that had tears in her eyes, so I asked our "leader" we need to help her. She said she wasn't too good at that kind of thing so I asked if I could. She was Mexican and couldn't understand, but she did feel that I wanted to help her, and all she could say was I'm okay…she just smiled and said I'm okay. When she left at the end of it all she came to me and said, thank you. What a wonderful thing. There was a lot of that kind of thing, especially those that welcomed a hug when they left and really hugged back. I have a lump in my throat having experienced that kind of thing. I always want to be a helper. You are are a wonderful young man and I pray that you'll become what you want to be. William, thanks for being my friend.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen,

3 words - You are awesome! You are such a lovely person, I can only imagine you walking in the door and the radiance around you, You are a shining example of casting ambivalence aside and showing others that love still exists. It seems this day a smile or a gesture is shunned, did it help you out of the funk? Thnak you for showing your love to me, I miss that motherly love :wub:

Love,

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William....Helping others, for me, gets me out of the "funk." My Jack is so alive and happy and I am going on....that was sort of a little funk. I'm sure it will come back again but not quite that big. I can't believe the pleasure in those children's eyes and just EVERYTHING that was going on. I know Jack is happy with me, I am too. I'm proud to be able to help others....truly proud.

Love you William....Karen :wub:;)

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Karen,

You are so wonderful. I wish I had been there with you helping too. It brought a lump to my throat just reading about it! Helping others really does help get you out of yourself and your own problems. You are definitely the winner of the Sweetest of the year award! We all love you so much.

Big, big hugs,

Shell

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Karen,

Keep it up. You are amazing, and I am proud of you. Indeed, reaching out to others lessens our pain too. I have experienced this and i get real joy in giving my time with them. A smile, a hug..these are all enough to take the funks away.

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