Miserable Day

[Scotty]

What a miserable day today. Starting my 2nd week back to work doing nightshifts. Finished this morn, slept a few hours and spent most of the day sobbing like a baby. Dont know what thats about, didn't feel this bad yesterday when I awoke. Strange how emotions kind of sneak up on you and slap you in the face.

Hopefully I'll get it together before my shift tonight.

....Scotty

[karenb]

I'm sorry you had a miserable day today, Scotty. They do come and go, don't they and without warning. It just takes time to get better. This is something you can't rush but just try to hang in there. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

Your friend, Karen

[Scotty]

Thanks Karen

Not that I'm having any good days yet, but this one sure is worse than others in the past. Thought I was getting past the "would ofs", "could ofs", and "should ofs", but apparently not. I try to keep telling myself thats its still early but it doesnt seem to help for the present. Oh well, one day at a time.

...Scotty

[suzanne]

Scotty

Some days it's all we can do at times. Emotions are all over the place.

I'm having one of those nights.

Suzanne

[Guest moparlicious]

My dear friend Scotty,

I am so sorry you are having bad days, trust me I know the feelings all too well. Try not to beat yourself up for grieving, I'm calling the kettle black, but anyways you took a huge step going back to work,and your beloved Kate worked there also, you are strong, nice, and a true friend to us all on this site. You have helped me through some pretty rough days. I cry everyday, on the way to work, on the way to school,anywhere I feel like it.I talk to Dan and thank him for all the great memories and tell him how much I miss him, so so bad. We are all here for you, and anything I can do to help,I will. Your friend, Kim

[Scotty]

Thanks Suzanne

For one of those nights, thats what we're here for. Don't know why but posting here does help.

Kim, You're a breath of fresh air as always How are the car repairs going?

......Scotty

[Guest moparlicious]

Scotty,

Thank you for the nice compliant, you are so nice. I know posting here has really made a huge impact on me,NO ONE knows what we go through unless they go through it themselves,having supportive friends and family means all the world to me, I thank you all.

Thanks for asking about car repairs,and I appreciate your info.Turns out,my husbands friend,who he went to high school with, owns a auto body shop and has a partner who is co-owner of it, and hes going to help me out.I appreciate your help, you've been a good friend to me, Im blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life!!!!!

Take care of yourself, and know you are not alone in this very difficult and painful journey,you have friends(like me)who will be walking right beside you, and wishing you peace and serenity, Your friend, Kim

[LarrysGirl]

Scotty, it just reminds us that the journey through grief takes alot of time. Its not something we can prepare for or predict, thats what makes this all so confusing. Some days better than others for no apparent reason. I've learned that I'm not able to control any of this and taking things slow is for the best for me. Hope you get some peace and comfort soon, Deborah

[Scotty]

Thanks Deborah

The lack of control is a scarey feeling.

A some what better day today so far. Going to be a long journey.

...Scotty

[lorikelly]

Sorry you are having such a miserable day, i can understand about some days being better then others. for me it has been 21 mos and still can go through the should of's , could of's , i have to tell myself to stop and move on to something else. sometimes this is easier then others. i am not sure when it really stops or if it ever does. i just take one day at a time, still and go from there. i hope tomorrow will bring a little bit of peace for you. lori

[Scotty]

Thanks Lori

Been a little over 2 months for me and guess this one day at a time will be continuing for a while longer.

Take care

..Scotty

[Lily]

What a miserable day today. Starting my 2nd week back to work doing nightshifts. Finished this morn, slept a few hours and spent most of the day sobbing like a baby. Dont know what thats about, didn't feel this bad yesterday when I awoke. Strange how emotions kind of sneak up on you and slap you in the face.

Hopefully I'll get it together before my shift tonight.

....Scotty

Dear Scotty, It;s 4:30 am and I can't sleep even with a sleeping pill - I've

been crying and crying ....so I'm here...seems as though you all are

"lifesavers" ....I know what you mean about the crying...Some days when

I don't cry, I think OK I'm getting a little better...and then the

sadness overwhelms me again....but I think the crying does help if for

no other reason than it serves almost like an energy eater and we can

rest quietly for awhile....the sadness is still there, but it seems to

lose its tormenting impact of desperation...at least for awhile...I think

crying saves us. I had some friends call today that I had not spoken to

for some months and I cried so hard and deep but just the sound of their

words of kindness, so sincere, made me feel as though I was in their arms

crying even though it was over the phone, and I felt better afterward.

Does this make any sense...I don't really have anyone here for support

and comfort like that...we've all said this...people either feel awkward,

or they give advice about time has passed and time to go on and so we

or at least I do, but I've read other letters here where we seem to back

off and show only our outer selves...then they think we're getting better

and doing OK...My heart, my chest feels like its petrified rock; maybe the

tears are Gods way of watering the heart eventually giving it life again...

Isn't it as though we're two persons? One can go on with ordinary living like going to work, or taking care of the bills, or handling whatever other

daily life seems to require...and then - the big slam in the chest - and

this one of us "capable" person becomes a crying sobbing lost soul crying

out for someone to help...SCotty, my thoughts are with you now at 5:00 a.m.

just so you know you are not alone...Lily

[Scotty]

Dear Lily

Thank you, so sorry to hear about your rough night.

Your right, crying does seem to help some what, at least temporarily. If only as a emotional release. I've known people in the past who have lost their spouses. Never knew the emotional turmoil they were going through til now, and feel bad for not offering more assistance.

There are days when its really hard to show that outside shell that enables us to function. The old saying of "Misery loves company" isnt quite complete, for it appears the 2nd part of that is "but company doesnt like misery".

I do hope you find some peace and comfort.

Take care

....Scotty

[kayc]

Scotty,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, and Lily too...I feel bad because my computer was down all weekend and it seems I have such a time with the one at home between the horrible dial up connection (all that's offered where I am) and lately, "mouse problems"...I finally have it troubleshooted and repaired and am able to go on line again. I feel like I haven't been able to be there for those of you who have needed it...the weekends seem to be the hardest time as that is when we usually spent our most time with our spouse.

Grief does indeed come in like sneaker waves when we least expect it, wafting over us and sometimes knocking us down. But the good news is that eventually the waves slowly recede, leaving us wet...but not knocked down anymore.

I know this is hard right now, but it will get better.

Take care my friends, we're here, we're listening...

KayC