Music

[krazykitty]

I'm new here so please be patient with me, I'm quite sure how this forum works. I just wanted to say I have an issue with music. My husband was a musician and loved music. His whole world revolved around music. Now I can't stand to listen to music because all I do is cry. Music is every where and I don't know how to deal with it. Can anybody give any suggestions. I loved music just as much as he did so it's like taking away a part of my life.

Thanks

[WaltC]

... I just wanted to say I have an issue with music. My husband was a musician and loved music. His whole world revolved around music. Now I can't stand to listen to music because all I do is cry. Music is every where and I don't know how to deal with it....

krazykitty - welcome here - sorry for your loss. I have no answers to your question of how to deal with music, but please know that everyone here cares for the concerns of others in this grief state.

I personally usually find some comfort in listening to music, especially songs and tunes that my wife and I used to enjoy together. I hope that you are not offended by the links to songs that I sometimes post here as I was just about to do when I read your post.

((((Kitty)))) <<<<hugs for you........

[MartyT]

This is a good example of the saying, "Different strokes for different folks." While some of us find music very soothing, healing and evocative of pleasant memories, for others it is a trigger that hurts and brings on yet another grief attack. This is why we all need to experiment, to find the tools that work best for us and to use whatever bring us comfort. Oftentimes, in this special place of comfort and caring, we share with one another what has worked for us, in hopes that it will work for others, too. Everyone is free to try it for themselves ~ or not ~ and no apologies are necessary.

And Kitty, since your husband was a musician, it is understandable that hearing music is painful for you right now. That does not mean that it will always be so. I don't know how recently your beloved died, but I can assure you that whatever you are feeling now, your feelings will change, and one day you may find that listening to music is not as difficult for you as it is now.

You may find this article of interest: Music: Helping to Heal Those Who Grieve

[krazykitty]

WaltC,

I would not be offended, feel free to play what you want

MartyT,

He passed away in January...thanks for the advice

[kayc]

krazykitty,

I want to welcome you to this site and hope you will continue to come back. There have been times it has been difficult for me to listen to music also, and yet I continue to do so. Music was important to my husband, he wasn't a musician but he loved music and had very eclectic taste. We had many songs together, and when I hear one of those songs, it makes me weep, even today, after nearly three years. It is understandable that it would affect you so, especially with it being so fresh and such a vital part of your husband. It could be that someday you will find he speaks to you through music and you may find it comforting...but it may be a ways away yet.

I am so sorry for your loss.

KayC

[Lynette]

Welcome to this site and I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. I understand what you mean about music. My "Soulmate" wasn't a musician but he loved music. I can't think of one song that he didn't know the words by heart. Infact, I wasn't much of a music person until I met Mike. The first 3 months I never listened to any music. If I was in a car with someone and they had the radio on, I'd tell them please turn it off.

After 5 months, it's getting easier listening to some of his CD's. Infact, there are days I do nothing but listen to his favorite CD's (Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Chicago, Journey, etc.) and for some reason when I play these, I feel as though he is still in our home right beside me doing his crazy dancing and singing as loud as he can. Those days I have the biggest smile on my face and get a burst of energy that I have no idea where it came from.

Give it time and one day you will be able enjoy the music that you and you're husband once enjoyed. There is no rush! One day at a time and one foot in front of the other.

(I think that is how it goes?)

Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Love,

Lynn

[WendyJ]

Krazy Kitty I am so sorry for your loss. I am 13 months into my grieving for the loss of my husband and I still do not play my stereo in the car or at work or at home. Music was always a great passion of mine and I have not been able to get back into it, either the songs are too sad, or too upbeat and I am still not feeling upbeat or they remind me of fun times together. I remember when I came back after taking 3 wks off in the beginning and the guys would be outside blaring music, I just wanted to scream out the window to shut the damn thing off !!! Did they not know I was up here grieving and the music would bother me? Of course they didn't but you couldn't convince me of that at the time. When people post lyrics to songs here or links to listen I can not do that like the others as it bothers me. So you are not alone my friend, I am right here with you !

[fred]

So sorry you have had to join us here Kitty, but you will often find what you need. I had to put certain things of my wife´s away where they wouldn´t constantly torment me, I can´t even turn the television set to the channels her favorite shows were on. Still there are many things which pop up in everyday life that trigger the pain all over again. Avoiding music will be incredibly difficult, it may be that you will need to carry some sort of hearing protection with you at all times. Even though it might be impractical to wear constantly, just knowing you can escape when you feel overwhelmed may be of some comfort. Crying is a big part of grief, I think it is something all of us here do quite well. It is unavoidable and should probably not be avoided. It is one of many facets of the grieving process that will just take time to work through. You are new to this site and to your loss, I am sure you will find a great deal of compassion, sympathy, practical advice and support here. Sometimes even just reading about someone else´s experience helps to let us know we are not alone. Welcome

[DesertBob]

My wife was a fairly accomplished pianist but long ago lost all ability to play due to neurological problems connected with the illness that eventually took her life. But she always strongly encouraged me to pursue my musical interests even though I am anything but a towering talent, plus, my primary interest is theater pipe organ, an acquired taste to say the least.

So, I went through a period of time in my grieving where enjoyment of music seemed inappropriate and I was not ready to move on. Later, the music started to come back and now it is therapeutic for me to sit at the piano or organ and play. I suspect you will eventually arrive at that place too. Music IS a part of who you are, and it would be unfortunate for you to deny that part of you.

Trying to put myself in your shoes, if my wife had been a musician, and that had been a big part of her identity, I can see how that would be another way for me to feel the loss. But another way to look at it is that the things your husband loved are a part of you now too, and keeping the beautiful aspects of his memory vibrant is a way to honor his memory.

But give it time and space. It's still early. You can't accept something this huge all at once.

Best,

--Bob

I'm new here so please be patient with me, I'm quite sure how this forum works. I just wanted to say I have an issue with music. My husband was a musician and loved music. His whole world revolved around music. Now I can't stand to listen to music because all I do is cry. Music is every where and I don't know how to deal with it. Can anybody give any suggestions. I loved music just as much as he did so it's like taking away a part of my life.

Thanks

[lyn]

Kitty,

I find it very hard to listen to any kind of music for the first few months. Music is my life too. I used to play in the band years ago, but when I lost him I felt it was extreme torture whenever I hear any songs and I have to cover my ears literally not to hear any sounds. Gradually, my interest in music came back and I find it very healing. I can listen now to any kinds..from slow rock to classical to instrumental and meditation.

Music sets the mood, relate to how I feel, and serves as my companion whenever I feel low. Just give it some time, eventually you will regain the interest again...

Hugs to you.