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December 22nd, 2007 was such a beautiful winter day. My husband worked most every weekend but he was off that Saturday. He was to retire January 2nd...just 6 days left to work. He had eaten lunch and gone into the garage. I went to get a shower. We were taking our 6 & 8 year old granddaughters to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie so that my daughter and her husband could finish some last minute Christmas shopping. When I finished blowing my hair dry, I was feeling warm and went outside to get some air. I decided to sneak around to the side door of the garage and play a trick on my husband. I knocked loudly a couple of times but he didn't answer. Thinking he must be in the back yard, I turned to look for him. He was lying face down behind the shed near the alley. I knew from the minute I saw him that he was dead. We were so close to our dream of finally having weekends together and being able to travel with our camper. We've been married since we were kids..just 18 & 19 years old. We had always been there for each other, faithful to our vows, and love.

An autopsy was done because his doctor said "he was a healthy 62 year old man." His yearly checkup had just been done 11 days prior. The autopsy result came back atherosclerosis and enlarged heart. I still can't get ahold of why there were no symptoms. I want to go back in time, have a test to discover the problem and get it fixed but of course that is not possible. It was his appointed time. If it weren't for my family, I wish it had been my appointed time as well. The future seems unbearable.

May 22nd, the 5 month anniversary of his death, would have been our 43rd wedding anniversary. Most of the posts I've read say that anticipation of a holiday is worse than the actual day. I guess I will find out. I've tried to post since January but can never seem to send it. I have taken comfort in reading the posts of others...I guess the comraderie of pain.

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Hi....

It is so terribly difficult when you lose someone you've loved forever and will continue to love. I am retired. My husband died shortly after retirement from a massive stroke, immediately, while driving home from golfing. Those kinds of shocks take a long time to get over, but with the help of loving family and friends we do make it. You'll gets lots of kinds of advice, I'm sure, from those who love you, but coming from one who's gone through it, just take your time. Take care of yourself. Feel the feelings that will come along, cry when you need to, get mad if you need to, whatever it is that comes along, go with it as long as you take care of yourself. It's been about 2 1/2 years for me, and I love my husband just as much as if he were right by my side. Death doesn't change the love....it will go on forever. There are very caring and empathetic people here who just plain know what you're going through. Take care and I hope we'll see you soon again.

Your friend, Karen

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Shhh65,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss but I am glad you finally decided to post your feelings. I lost my husband 1 month prior to you loosing yours on November 22, 2007 Thanksgiving Day and like you I am new to this horrible journey but somehow everyday I am blessed with strength to get to the next day. I am told by so many that time will heal all wounds though I don’t believe mine will ever be healed I just hope in time the wound will be bearable to live with and I pray that for all of us here. Please take care of yourself and continue to come here as often as you need to we will always listen and help you even when you feel alone you will see here that you never are we all know exactly how you feel.

Love,

Marlene

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Shhh65, I'm truly sorry for your and your family's great loss. Losing a loved one is heartbreaking for anyone. But it's especially shattering when they die suddenly with no warning, because you're completely unprepared and may not have the chance to say goodbye. I lost my husband to a heart attack last November; though he had had a heart problem in the past, we didn't suspect anything was wrong because his last set of cardio tests looked fine.

Be good to yourself, and take things one day (or even one hour) at a time.

There's another piece of advice I want to pass along; I hope it helps. Last week, my grief counselor (a very wise lady) told me it's important not to let memories of the way a loved one died overshadow the good memories you have of them. She said it's more comforting if you can mentally "edit out" the disturbing memories and instead focus on scenes that represented your relationship and how you still feel about your loved one. Easier said than done, maybe. But worth a try.

With sympathy and prayers,

Kathy

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shhh65,

I'm truly sorry you lost your husband, and to do so right before Christmas, and right before retiring, just seems like a double whammy, irony at its worst. Please do not feel that you have to go through this loss alone, we are right here beside you, understanding and feeling your pain. I know what you mean about "If it weren't for my family, I wish it had been my appointed time as well." because I think that's how all of us have felt. We who are left are the ones truly going through the pain and loss and having to pick up the pieces when we little feel like it. As bad of a nightmare as all of this has seemed, it will get better, but it does take a long time it seems. We're here for you, any time you want to post.

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SHHH.....

I too am sorry for your loss, for me it has been just 5 weeks my Lawrence when home, and coming here was I think the best thing I did. Today was very hard for me I had to go just 1 minute at a time, just crying all day long, crying now. I do understand the pain all of us has to go through. I enjoy reading the post here they help me alot.

Jackie

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Thank you all for your sincere comments. It does help to know that others care and you all have my deepest sympathy as well. I have been attending a grief support group though a hospital in a nearby town. I was hesitant about going but am glad I made the effort as it seems I am developing friendships with a couple of ladies from the group whose husbands have also passed away. Thanks again for your kind words.

Sherry

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