Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Recommended Posts

As most of you know, I remarried, and my husband lives 172 miles away from me so I only get to see him on weekends...because of our jobs it hasn't been possible to fully integrate our lives yet. Lately, John has been very tired...much more tired than is normal for a 51 year old that used to ride his bicycle all over the city and seemed energetic. He doesn't have health insurance and has been waiting to get onto his employer's insurance before seeing a doctor, but we both fear something is really wrong...he has been sleeping 14 hours a day and is still always tired. His father died of Leukemia at a young age and his mother had open heart surgery, so this is all rather frightening to me...particularly since I lost George at the age of 51 to a sudden heart attack, and he also had been very tired at the end.

My family and friends just think I'm being beserk and don't take this seriously, but I am very concerned and am having a hard time with this...John won't be able to see a doctor until next month, we're afraid if he does so sooner and it is something serious, it will be deemed "preexisting" for six months and will be excluded from coverage, coverage that may very well be needed for treatment, if any. Talk about feeling a widening gap between me and the rest of the world! We skipped going to a function this weekend because John was tired, and my friend told me I should have left him at home and gone by myself! I was very upset, I don't think others should try to tell you how to handle something when they haven't been there and can't begin to understand. I don't think we are imagining things but naturally, with what I have already gone through, I don't relish going there again and feel just wiped out, I don't feel I can do this again. Doublejo, I know you've been there twice, I don't know how you've found the strength you have, but I have to admire you for your positive spirit.

Incidentally, here is a picture of John and I.


Edited by kayc
Link to comment
Share on other sites


What a tough and scary dilemma! You and John must be so worried. It is horrible that in this country, someone who needs a doctor right now can't go for fear of later being denied coverage for a pre-existing condition. I can't understand why your friends and family don't see any urgency or any reason for you to be concerned (especially after what you've already been through), and I'm so sorry they're not supporting you.

The possibility of being denied coverage later is a real threat, but so is not investigating your husband's tiredness now, especially in light of his family history. Both options have risks, but if his illness is serious, treatment may be more successful and you may have more options if he sees a doctor now.

Is there any way you can get John some kind of temporary health insurance that would cover him until he can get on his employer's health plan? Also, I don't know how long he has worked for his current employer, but you might want to take a closer look at their health plan's explanation of benefits. Most companies provide some kind of health coverage from the first day of employment, even if they make you wait awhile to officially join their health plan. (This is partly to protect themselves; for example, if an employee gets hurt on the job before he's allowed to join the health plan, the company doesn't want a lawsuit.) So depending on how the health plan rule book is worded, there's a chance that John might actually have some form of coverage now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


John works for a small company and was supposed o get health coverage after sufficing his 90 day wait for benefits, but his employer "forgot" to add him on and then when he bugged them about it, they said he'd have to wait for open enrollment, which is May 1st. It isn't John's fault his employer didn't follow up with what they were supposed to do, and I suppose he'd have grounds for a lawsuit, IF we could prove it, but it's basically their word against his, and we aren't interested in a lawsuit, we are interested in diagnosis and treatment before it's too late. There is no insurance we can get that will take effect immediately, but he will soon be on Kaiser and that is a good insurance so long as you are treated in their area...it means if he is diagnosed with something serious he is pretty much stuck in that area unless he can get another insurance instead (through another employer). Of the things that come to mind, heart, cancer, but another one would be carbon monoxide poisoning...that just occurred to me today and I've asked him to pick up a detector today and check his trailer for it. It's a long shot but it doesn't hurt to check. There can be hundreds of possible reasons for his symptoms, that's why I think it would be great to have an internist check him out asap. He was told he'd get his insurance card within a couple of weeks and then he can get an appointment...he may be able to call and get the necessary info without having to wait so long. A lot of times there is waiting just to get in to see a doctor. He's had neck, shoulder, and back pain, tiredness, and coughing, and difficulty breathing, it sounds like heart to me, but I don't want to jump to conclusions, just get him checked.

Thanks for your reply Kathy, it does feel good to have someone take you seriously and just validate your feelings and concerns rather than dismiss them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

KayC, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Try to take a deep breath and get calm. You'll be able to better decide what to do next. Thats a difficult decision, wait to go now or not. I guess if his symptoms worsen that will make the decision for you. The detector is a good idea also because that could be so serious. I know you couldn't bear for this to happen again so try to stay calm and I'll send some positive energy your way. Let us know whats happening. Deborah

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dear Kay,

If what you need if for someone to take you seriously and to validate your concerns, let me hasten to add my voice to Kathy's and Deborah's. If I were you, I would be feeling exactly as you are about all of this. I would much rather have a physician tell me, "Your husband's fine; there's nothing to worry about" than to say, "Why didn't you have him come in to see me when you first noticed these symptoms?" We will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers, dear Kay, in hopes that you will find a way to get your hubby checked out as soon as you can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, Kay...our dear friend

Like you I would be so concerned and to be made to wait seems intollerable to say the least. It just seems like when so many people get free care why do so many of us have to go by the "rules." :angry: I just shake my head! My heart is with you and John. I just pray that the right answer comes to you guys and soon. Please let us know how things go. Please take care.

Your friend, Karen :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kay I am so sorry this is going on, at least May 1st is now only a couple days away. I handle getting our employees on insurance after their probationary period and I do not make our employees wait to get their cards before they can go to the doctor. As soon as I find out that they are in the system I give them a copy of their paperwork (form they filled out) with the groups policy # and tell them to take that with them as proof of coverage. You may want to check out if he can do that. Here is some more info:

A pre-existing condition is a medical condition diagnosed or treated before joining a new plan. In the past, health care given for a pre-existing condition often has not been covered for someone who joins a new plan until after a waiting period. Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act changed the rules.

Under the law, effective July 1, 1997, a pre-existing condition will be covered without a waiting period when you join a new group plan if you have been insured the previous 12 months. This means that if you remain insured for 12 months or more, you will be able to go from one job to another, and your pre-existing condition will be covered—without additional waiting periods—even if you have a chronic illness.

If you have a pre-existing condition and have not been insured the previous 12 months before joining a new plan, the longest you will have to wait before you are covered for that condition is 12 months.

Check with either your employer benefits office or your health plan for more information and for guidelines that apply to you.

Please let us know how it goes, I hope all is okay.


Wendy :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I'm going to approach this from a different point. There may be something you can do meanwhile that may help.

I have been having long periods of being so tired I could not function.

After eliminating foods and pills, I finally found the culprits.

I know how scary and frustrating this can be. This took me many months so maybe this will help you too: (it may not apply at all but its' a possibilty)

First, I found that milk and milk products made me terribly fatigued. You know that milk is supposed to make you sleepy for bed, but some people actually feel drugged instead and cannot function. It's a protein in the milk, NOT the lactose. Thats' something else. Milk gave me neck, head and shoulder pain because the protein twisted and inflammed my muscles. It caused me to get phlegmny. My lymph nodes in my neck swelled and swelled my tongue.

Second: I was prescribed over the counter Pevacid for ant-acid control. It was fine, for awhile. Now it has made me dizzy/nauseaus. After taking over the counter decongestants to get rid of the dizzy, I found out it was them that was making me dizzy.

Just yesterday I read that some cholestorol drugs are causing a lack of good sleep making people very sleepy during the day.

I offer this info because sometimes something you're taking, something seemingly very ordinary, can cause big big problems.

I hope this gives you some things you can do right now that might help in some way.

Hang in there. This stuff is scary and makes your stomach drop to the floor. Hopefully this might give an insight into another reason for his problems. DoubleJo

P.S. I loved the picture of the both of you. Its' a great pix. Thanks for letting us see it. DoubleJo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your replies...he does not have ins. currently so it only makes sense to wait a couple more days. I will have him get a copy of the paperwork from his boss so he can at least get an appt. made. He's not on any over the counter medications, only Ibuprofen at times and doesn't drink milk as often as he should so I don't think that's the culprit, but I appreciate your input. I know that stress can bring about symptoms, but there are so many things that can cause the tiredness that only testing and process of elimination by a doctor can make headway with a diagnosis. However, it's not just tiredness, but other things as well and combined, it seems to me it could very well point to heart. We should know something soon...I covet your prayers in the meanwhile. You guys are truly my family, you mean the world to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hi KayC

I was just reading through some of the posts, and was wondering if John has had a chance to see a doctor now that his waiting period is over. Please remember us and let us know when he does and what the doctor says.

May God bless you and keep you both in his care, Lin :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your concern...I am still trying to get John on the stick and get a doctor's appointment made, he's been waiting for his insurance card and packet to come. We went through a trying week last week...the semi truck he bought and worked on all year he'd decided to sell after he felt this wasn't the time to go into business (we incurred thousands of dollars in start up costs and repairs)...well it started spewing antifreeze when he was warming it up for a buyer, so we ended up selling it for half what we'd intended to because the buyer will have to invest in a new head, which means we will have several years of payments for nothing...well I told him to take one thing at a time, he was just feeling so much stress and overwhelmed, so maybe now that the selling the truck is behind us I can get him to look into finding a doctor. I have learned, one day at a time!

Good news, however, I went to the doctor for a checkup today and my blood pressure is better than it has been in months, and is in the normal range finally! B)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...