21 Months

[teny]

Hellow my far away friends I need support and hugs its going to be 21 months tommorow and it hurts always the same I feel lonely loosing my other half and panic when I realise that Im getting old without him who is going to be there for me with whom Ill share my life my thoughts my memories my every days wonders feelings and proplems? Yesterday some old friends came for dinner at my summer house .It was the first time after yianys death .When they were living my friend told me that it was very hard to be at that house for dinner without him.Can you imagine how hard its for me?It was uor dream to spend the rest of our lifes in that house .only memmories and emptiness is left no meening for the coming days .I just keep remembering that 2 years ago altough he was OK one evening watching the sunset holding my hand he told me <I feel my circle of life is closing>.I did not want to talk about it and in few minutes he kissed me and said < dont worry I will never leave you.In 2 months with no previous symtoms he got in hospital with pain it was liver cancer and died within 10 days.I canot recall happy memories Im stuk with his last days and not being able to tell him how much I loved him cause he did not know about his condition and I was afraid that I would getemotional and start crying.Yiany was taking care of all the bills and the handlign of our work I only had the artistic part and the pleasure of work.Aday before he died I asked about paymends and the answer was that he is coming home and take care of everything.IM sooo desperate. Thank you for being there . TENY

[WendyJ]

My friend Teny, I wish I could be there to give you a big hug, hey I could use one myself ! I know if you try real hard you can think back to all the good times you and Yianny have had, and try not to dwell on the events leading up to his passing. I know it is hard, believe me I know, but you must try. This is so hard on all of us but with eachothers love and guidance we will get eachother through this somehow. Come here tomorrow if you need to for some comfort, I will be looking for you. Do something relaxing tomorrow or try to keep yourself busy...I will be thinking of you my far away friend,

Love,

Wendy

P.S. Marty thank-you for your recent help...means so much to me.

[kayc]

Teny,

I wish I could wrap my arms around you. I know it is hard living without them, they filled such a big place inside of us...as well as so many practical things they took care of. All I can say is, we are making it a day at a time and even though it's not as before and not the way we'd like it, we are doing it. Keep living for the good things that ARE in your life, children, grandchildren, your art/creative ability...and every time you see something beautiful, your pottery, a gorgeous sunset, a baby's smile...dedicate it to your Yiany.

[LarrysGirl]

Teny, I know its so hard to believe that this much time has passed. The hurting doesn't really stop with time. I, too, keep recalling the last few days of Larry's life and wish for time to stop. It is so hard. I feel like I'm living "our" lives, Larrys and mine, but he's not here and it makes it so painful. Nothing feels normal anymore. Try to bring your focus on the memories of happy times and let it lift you up. Yanni is with you, he will always be in your heart. Hold onto the love you share, this will help you through. I wish for you some peace and comfort for your hurting heart. Deborah

[teny]

Wendy Debora Kay thank you for replying .Its a very hard day Athens is empty everybody is away for summer vacations all my friends are gone and no one to talk is around.Thank God I got your answers and feel I have friends from far wway that care.I was thinking of visiting Yiannys grave but Im scared to go alone.I know I have to be arownd for my children but there are times I find no meaning for being here. Does any of you have the feeling like life is going on and you are just watching being not part of this world?Thank you TENY

[WendyJ]

Oh yes Teny I know that feeling all too well. From what I have heard that is normal for us to still feel that way as we were with our spouses for very long. I wish I could just hop a plane for Greece and you and I could have a nice day shopping and maybe having lunch and we could visit Yianny's grave together and bring him some flowers. They say even though we don't realize it Teny they are here with us, watching over us and want to see us strong and happy. Yianny loved you very very much and would want nothing more than to see you well. Remember what he said to you? Not to worry that he is always with you? He meant that and is with you now and will be till you are with him once again.

Love You,

Wendy

[mlg]

Teny,

I realize that it probably already another day where you are and I hope so. It means that you made it through another day. I know I have felt a little better this week because I realized that every morning I got up and looked at our wedding picture and said "Another day without you". So now I try not to look at the picture until bedtime and my gut hasn't hurt so much. I still cry at night but at least the days are better. If you are doing something like this just try to vary your routine a little and maybe it will help.

We will always miss them but hopefully we'll be able to at least walk down a small path without help. This group will help us down the big ones.

Mary Linda

[Lily]

Teny, I wish I could hug you - sometimes I think no one really understands

this terrible emptiness except the friends on this post - I can't find

any joy in life - I look around me and feel nothing - I see families and

friends and just about anyone doing just anything - like mowing the lawn

and gathering the rubbish and I'm jealous because they are doing this

everyday piece of life and then I imagine them going in the house, cleaning

up, small talk, going to the mall, etc - and this goes on all the time -

I saw some people that I used to work with the other day and when they

asked how I was - I told them Rich had died - and the response of "o that's

too bad" made me want to shriek THAT's TOO BAD!!!??? Like you, I cry

about the years we were to spend together and now that he's gone, I'm alone...and the home is now a house and even though I keep up the beautiful

lawn, flowers, I view it all very dispassionately - I keep trying and trying

to keep myself busy - but I'm getting very exhausted - I don't know if I

can continue - because at the end of the day, no matter what I do, who I talk to, what I pray - Rich is gone and I miss him. I'll be growing old alone.

Teny, this is so hard and I wish I could help you with words - and maybe

just knowing that you're not alone in your hurt, does help a little - I

hope so. I wish I knew how to speak Greek; it's such a beautiful sounding

language - my father is greek, but we were never taught the language (Tekanos?) that's about the extent of my greek. Teny, take care of yourself...Lily

[kayc]

Teny,

My life just feels different, almost like it's operating with a 15 watt light bulb instead of a 100 watt one. You know? Everyone else still has their lives, but mine is so altered and I don't even think about "joy" anymore, it's more like, just "survive". I'm sure it's not this way for everyone, some people seem really good at putting their lives back together, but for me, well, it's just missing something...and that something is George. He was the light of my life, and the day that he died, most of me did too.

[teny]

Oh yes Teny I know that feeling all too well. From what I have heard that is normal for us to still feel that way as we were with our spouses for very long. I wish I could just hop a plane for Greece and you and I could have a nice day shopping and maybe having lunch and we could visit Yianny's grave together and bring him some flowers. They say even though we don't realize it Teny they are here with us, watching over us and want to see us strong and happy. Yianny loved you very very much and would want nothing more than to see you well. Remember what he said to you? Not to worry that he is always with you? He meant that and is with you now and will be till you are with him once again.

Love You,

Wendy

WENDY coming over is the best idea I would love to have here .Best time IS during may until the midle of June and September.That is the time when we can stay at My summer house cause The childrens room is emty they are still at skool.I will start making plans.Just say when.Love .Your far away friend TENY

[Jan Thurman]

Hi everyone, I surely know how everyone feels. Yesterday was 5 months for me. I finally removed all of my husbands (Dale) possessions from our bathroom. It was hard. My support group starts again next week and I am thankful for that because this month is our wedding anniversary month. That will be hard. There are still times that I drive home from work and think that he will be there cooking my dinner and even though I was never late he would always say "well it's about time". Again, I am thankful that I have such a wonderful daughter and grandson who live on the next property who makes sure that I am okay. I work, and when I go home I do keep myself very busy. But there is no way that you can get over 40 years in 5 months. Some people seem to think you can and should but I don't listen to them anymore. Thank you for listening. Jan

[kayc]

Jan,

Re: "It's about time!" Isn't it beautiful the things we had between us? My husband worked four tens so he was off work while I worked on Friday. Friday evenings he would show up at my office with a dripping ice cream cone for me and I'd wonder what I was supposed to to with that when I was rushing around tying up loose ends, making last minute phone calls, backing up the computer, etc. He'd show up about 15 min. before I was due to be off and I'd send him to the post office just so I could finish up. He'd always greet me with, "Hey, Baby, are you ready for a hot date?!" and my boss would be in his office with the door open, smiling. They were special, weren't they!

[teny]

Teny, I wish I could hug you - sometimes I think no one really understands

this terrible emptiness except the friends on this post - I can't find

any joy in life - I look around me and feel nothing - I see families and

friends and just about anyone doing just anything - like mowing the lawn

and gathering the rubbish and I'm jealous because they are doing this

everyday piece of life and then I imagine them going in the house, cleaning

up, small talk, going to the mall, etc - and this goes on all the time -

I saw some people that I used to work with the other day and when they

asked how I was - I told them Rich had died - and the response of "o that's

too bad" made me want to shriek THAT's TOO BAD!!!??? Like you, I cry

about the years we were to spend together and now that he's gone, I'm alone...and the home is now a house and even though I keep up the beautiful

lawn, flowers, I view it all very dispassionately - I keep trying and trying

to keep myself busy - but I'm getting very exhausted - I don't know if I

can continue - because at the end of the day, no matter what I do, who I talk to, what I pray - Rich is gone and I miss him. I'll be growing old alone.

Teny, this is so hard and I wish I could help you with words - and maybe

just knowing that you're not alone in your hurt, does help a little - I

hope so. I wish I knew how to speak Greek; it's such a beautiful sounding

language - my father is greek, but we were never taught the language (Tekanos?) that's about the extent of my greek. Teny, take care of yourself...Lily

HI Lily Im surprised that your father is Greek.Did you mean Ti kanis Thatis how are you in Greek? Have you ever visited Greece? THank you for your kind words TENY

[Jan Thurman]

Hi Teny and Lily, I don't know you and I recently joined but I do know exactly how you both are feeling. It could be a mirror of myself. I was married 40 years and this month is our anniversary month. I thought it would just be the day that would be hard which isn't until August 28th but it seems to be the whole month. I am having a very hard time and crying more than I have been. It was 5 months August 4th. I too Lily am gardening and doing what I feel should be done and what I know he would have wanted to get done. But it is exhausting even though I used to do most of it myself anyway, there is not the joy that there was. I hope it will eventually come back. I am mostly working on my memorial garden for my husband. That is giving me more pleasure. My support group starts up again next week and I can't wait to go. But this website has truly helped me. I do hope time will make it better for all of us. Thanks for listening. Jan

[JeanneC]

Hi Jan

40 years together is such a long time and it could almost be that you were with your husband longer than you were single. I was with my husband for 20 years. There are people that I talk to that just don't understand, except for everyone on this site. It is only six weeks since my husband passed. Some days are good and there are others that I just can't cope. I have a friend that lost her husband 13 years ago and at the time of his loss she told me she could not even talk on the phone with anybody. She would constantly cry. I guess by me asking her things it brought up old memories. But she said that I seem to be different than she was and that I would be all right. She said that she will never forget her husband, but the grieving has definitely stopped and she has moved on. She told me it will, but it can take time, maybe years. I know you hope that time will make it better and I am sure that it will. We all just have to keep ourselves busy, enjoy our family and friends company and just take one step at a time.

Love and God Bless to all of us.

Jeanne