Jan Thurman Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 Has anyone else had this problem. After my husband passed away I did not sleep at my house or hardly go there for 5 weeks. Then when I did go home I slept in a recliner all the time. Then I started sleeping in our bed. I have changed our bedroom around so it is not exactly the same as it was but I'm still having a hard time sleeping in there. I still sleep more in the recliner than in the bedroom. Why am I going back and forth. It has been 5 months. My husband did not die at home. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 I don't think it has anything to do with where they died. I think our minds just won't turn off and let us relax. From everything I've read it is very common. It has been 7 months for me and when I started taking my migrane medicine again I was sleeping better and thought I had gotten over it but the last 5 nights I'm back to still awake at 2 or later. When you have to get up a little after 6 it's a really short night. I think it is like everything else, it will just take us time (dang! I get tired of that phrase). What I really hate about it, is that then I get tired and it seems like that's when I just can't quit crying.Here's to a good nights sleep for you. Take care of yourself.Mary Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 I had problems sleeping for quite awhile and my wife didn't die at home either. My wife's dad however sold their bed shortly after his wife passed away and bought a new one. Sometimes it is just the stigma of it being the bed that you shared for so many years together makes it hard to sleep in it still. So as you look at it if it is the bed causing you the problem then if are comforatble with it get a new one. It may be well worth the cost in order to get a good night's sleep. It has been my experience when I didn't get a good nights sleep I was a lot more depressed and the feelings of loss and frustration hit me all that much harder than when I did get good sleep. This can be a catch 22 situation, one is you would be getting rid of something that was both of yours, there can be some sedimental feelings attached with the bed. The other hand though is a good nights sleep will help you feel so much better and be able to more readily face the day. Keep us postedLove alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 Jan, dear ~Some say that it helps to sleep on the side of the bed that was occupied by your spouse, so that when you fall asleep and when you awaken, it is your own side of the bed that is empty. You might also find this thread helpful: Not Sleeping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Jan, Marty is absolutely right ! I could not sleep well at all in the beginning and hated to wake up seeing his side of the bed empty. I started to sleep on his side of the bed, which in the beginning felt strange yet surprisingly comforting as it was his side. When I awoke in the morning it was my side that I saw empty not his and I am now fine with this. I have spent many nights in his recliner and still do, but it is because I no longer have him to tell me to get my butt up and go to bed ! Hope this helps !Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhh65 Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Wendy,I actually chuckled when I read your post about your husband telling you to get your butt to bed. My husband was forever trying to get me off the couch and to bed and I hadn't thought of that in a long while. I miss him nagging me about it. I'm going to try that sleeping on his side idea. Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Thurman Posted August 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Did any of you rearrange the bed to a different place in the room. I didn't know if that would help. Thank you for your answers. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Sherry,I had to chuckle too when I wrote it as I hadn't thought about it in awhile either. At that time the recliner was his and I would crash on the couch. He would try to wake me up and he said sometimes I would get nasty and told him to go away and leave me alone ! ( Not me....LOL ) So he would go to bed and leave me there ! Then I would get up in the morning and yell at him for leaving there and when he defended himself and say he tried I would make pretend I didn't believe him ! LOL... Oh those were the days !Love,Wendy P.S. Jan I thought of that except I have a huge King sized four poster bed that faces looking out sliding glass doors so even if I could move it I would lose my view, but that may be a good idea for others ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 My husband died at home in our bed - the first time (the medics got his heart beating again but he didn't survive longer than a few days). The first things I did after the initial shock were redecorate the bedroom and buy brand new bedding. Those things helped, but I still sometimes need to take other measures to fall sleep or stay asleep. For example, I try to go to bed physically tired, but if I can't fall asleep, I read. If reading doesn't make me sleepy, I have a cup of herb tea with valerian and that usually works.I've tried sleeping on what was my husband's side of the bed, but I just can't get comfortable there even with the new mattress. So my dog sleeps in that spot now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 HEY WENDY.....Get off the recliner and go to bed!!!!!Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 I'm not sleeping Derek I am just examining the inside of my eyelids ! LOL !!!You are funny ! It is 12:15am and I will do as you say and get into bed. Nite-Nite my friend !Love You,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted August 21, 2008 Report Share Posted August 21, 2008 Hellow Jan it has been 20 months that I did not go to my house I just could not face it without my love.My son made some painting and rearanged my bedroom.So this summer I got myself tostay because of my grandchildren beeing with me.Until this summer I was either sleeping to my brothers house or to my sons.Now that schools are starting Im facing the same broblem.I just dont want to be alone at the house that once was home and I dont even feel good beeing almost every night a guest.Sleeping?Only with help of meds.Its going to be 22 months for me and it hurts alot.Im sorry for not giving you hope but some friends here are doing better so maybe we will find confort some day. Love from far away. TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Thurman Posted August 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Thank you all for your replies. I just wanted to let you know I slept in the bed last nite. What I did was rearrange my bedroom and put the bed back in a position that my husband never liked. When we bought this house after his mother died I built a headboard onto one of the walls in the bedroom. But we didn't sleep with it that way for long as my husband complained that there wasn't enough room for him to get in and out of bed. They are small rooms because they are 1935 farm houses. So even though my headboard was built on the wall I moved the bed to where he had more room. I always liked it the other way so I put it back. Our dog sleeps on his side so I didn't want to get her all confused by moving her. Also, Teny I hope that you can find some kind of happiness soon. It was wonderful to hear from a lady in Greece. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 So Jan did you do OK? I hope so. I never did do well if Tom wasn't in our bed (like when he went to Vegas with one of his buddies). I always slept cross ways in the bed. I don't know if it was because then it was half mine, half his or what. So needless to say that's what I have been doing for the last 7 months. I just know that no one would ever want to sleep in a bed with me now because it looks like I have been in a major fight when I get up in the morning. The covers are all over the place and I know when I get up in the night I have been all over that bed.I hope you'll be able to continue sleeping in your bed.Mary Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shauna marie Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 You know, speaking of dogs...My dog wouldn't sleep or even go in the room where my dad died for about two months.Funny how these things affect animals, too. (((((jan)))))Great that moving the furniture around worked for you! But don't fret if you still sleep in the recliner, as long as you are getting SOME sleep.Now, both my parents did die at home, in the same room, actually. So my brother and I had a rule that we were NOT allowed to sleep in their bedroom. (I used to sleep with my mom sometimes after my dad died.) There were times I'd wake up and go downstairs and my brother would be on the couch, or in the chair, sleeping sitting up. He refused to sleep laying down anywhere downstairs.Glad we don't live there anymore. lol Didn't get a whole lot of sleep, for sure.Shauna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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