Hurting In Ga

[Tears]

Hi,

My name is Lynda and on July 25Th I lost my husband 4 months after brain surgery. I was his care taker and he died in my arms. I then lived in AZ and we lived of his SS. I had 11 days to move out of the home we were renting. I had a friend come from GA to help me sell everything I could and pack up to come back to Ga where my family is. It was hard work and long hours. I cried myself to sleep at night. I am now at my daughters in GA and the impact of his death has hit me. I am scared, lonely, sad, hurting and not sure where I belong. These are not new feelings to me for I lost my last husband but the pain is still just as real. I need to work for I am broke but it is hard for me to focus. I miss him so much and wish he would come get me. Any suggestions for how to handle this. You would think this being my second loss of husband that I would know what to do but for some reason this is different. I have had so many loss's, my parents and my 2 younger brothers. I really wish I could walk away from these feelings and never look back.

Tears

[mlg]

First and formost keep coming back to this site. You will find that you have many good friends here.

I think you have to give yourself an emotional break first of all or you'll fall apart. You don't say how long it was in between your losses but that's a lot for anyone to handle.

I know it will be different for you since you have to go find a job first, but my job is what helps me maintain my sanity. It makes me get up in the morning and gives me a purpose or I'd just sit here going in circles and not getting anything done. I have to make lists for my day off or I don't accomplish anything.

Hopefully your daughter will help support you emotionally but at some point we all have to leave the nest so to speak.

Keep us up with what is going on and don't be afraid to say anything here because we'll cry with you if that's what you need.

Mary Linda

[Tears]

Thank You Mary Linda,

I already feel as I am falling apart. I am really thankful for my daughter and she is really happy I am here. She just recently divorced and is happy to have company in the lonely evenings and week ends. I am looking forward to a job with hopes I will find one soon. Leaving Arizona was hard and selling most of mine and Jimmy's things were hard. I feel like I was leaving him behind but I had no choice and my family is here. I feel like I am here on a visit and he will call me as he usually did. I am just so lost with out him. He was my life. I look forward to sleep when it comes.

Tears

[Jan Thurman]

Having a job, I believe, really helped. Even though in the beginning I don't know how I got up and went to work as I only took 2 weeks off. I also have a daughter that lives on the next property to me and she has helped me tremendously to get through this. Also, joining a grief support group that I go to once a week has really helped. Maybe you should see if there is one in your area. It will be 6 months for me on September 4th. We were married for 40 years. Keeping busy at projects has helped me alot. Also, coming onto this web site or even just reading what people have written even if I haven't felt like writing anything has helped greatly. Good luck in your job search. Jan

[JeanneC]

Like Mary Linda said to keep coming back to this site. A job will help you considerably. I know this is very tough for you when you have so many losses in your family. One is hard enough. Keep yourself busy. I happen to have a great job and great bosses and co-workers or I woul not know what to do. They were wonderful to me during my husband's illness. I will say that going to work really does help me through this. Yesterday I was not feel too well and I stayed home. My husband used to work from home. It was very difficult for me to be in the house, knowing that he is not there.

We are all here for you.

Love and God Bless

Jeanne

[JoeA]

Lynda -

That's a terrible load of grief for anyone to bear. Please keep coming back here - you will find help here. Also, you have an opportunity to help your daughter with her grief. My sister-in-law taught me that divorce is a loss much like death. Helping someone else deal with their pain can be powerful medicine. That's part of what makes this group work.

Peace,

- Joe

[MikeC]

Hi, Lynda

I am so sorry for your great loss. I lost my wife on June 25, and I was with her when she died. I feel so lucky to have found this place. The folks who come here have been a great source of comfort and support for me, as we will be for you. I hope you find a job soon - going to work has helped me.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Mike

[AnnetteAZ]

I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going through. After I lost my man I also had to get a job. It probably saved my life. I have no children, few friends and absolutely nothing left to live for. I don't know how I got anything done because it seemed like all I ever did was sit at my desk and cry. But I was fortunate enough that I had a private office where I could close my door. I worked 14 plus hours 5 days a week and even went in on weekends because I just didn't know what else to do with myself. On those lonely weekend nights I reminded myself of my obligation to completing the project I was hired to do so that I would put off any drastic measures I might be contemplating.

I don't really like the fact that I have to work or where I have to work but it is still the only thing that gets me through the week. It has provided me with human contact which I might not otherwise have. And of course the income. I hope you are fortunate enough to get something that you enjoy...or at least don't hate. Keeping occupied was what helped me get through the worst parts. Wishing you strength peace and comfort.

[Tears]

Hi Mike,

Thank you for your support. I left the house yesterday to carry of the trash and the transmission in my van messed up. It would not go into 3rd gear. This is just another stepping stone I will have to figure out but the timing is really bad. I drove home 20 mph then cried took 2 ativan and went to bed. I really want and need a job before I loose my mind. Not sure what to do about the van. I'll just keep praying things will get better. I am so sorry for your loss.

Lynda

AnnetteAZ,

Thank you for your support. I really want to work and will get a job. Right now I am having trouble with the transmission in my van. Just happened yeaterday. I really feel weighted down. My strength to go on is really being tested right now.

Lynda

[kayc]

Tears,

I want to say how sorry I am you lost your Jimmy. I am not sure one loss prepares you for another as each relationship and each loss is unique. It sounds like this was relatively unexpected and left you little time to prepare or plan, which is hard enough in itself. It has only been a short time since your loss and in that time it has been a whirlwind of business. Now that has slowed down and you have more time to think, and that will make your loss seem to hit you more. Everyone is right, having a job to go to every day will help, as will getting out and meeting people. For your immediate problems with your van, is there public transportation you could use right now, while you are waiting to get a job and money to fix your van? Perhaps volunteering some time somewhere would help you meet some people and get some connections that could help you find a job? Don't be afraid to put the word out at churches, anywhere, that you are newly widowed and need a job and have transportation needs...maybe someone there will hear and answer. In our local vicinity, a guy was laid off and put a sign out in his yard that he needed a job...the local news carried the story and he ended up getting a job! (It was a little "different", but I like the inspiring way he didn't give up and kept trying even innovative ways to accomplish what he needed to.) Does your daughter have connections anywhere that could help you with the transmission repair or getting a job? You might even try bartering with a company that could fix your van in exchange for office work or cleaning or anything they might have need of that you could do. I will keep you in my prayers, Tears, please keep coming back here, we are a family, close and supportive.

Love,

KayC

[Tears]

Hi every one,

Thank you for your advise and help. I am having a very difficult time. I miss Jimmy so much and things are really hard right now with my van messing up and no money. I live way out of town and Calhoun, GA is a small town itself. I just can't see day light. I really want to leave this world. I pray for Jimmy to come get me. Every one tells me how strong I am but they can't see inside me. I am tired of being strong. I do not know what direction to go. I am going to church with a friend tomorrow and I will pray for guidance. I know I should be thankful for being here and my children all love me but I am not sure what my purpose in life is. I know it is supposed to get better and I know it will take time but what about the present. I do not have any options here. I have no way of getting around. My daughter works during the day and does not get home till late. I really hate feeling sorry for my self so I am going to go.

Tears

[LarrysGirl]

Tears, please let me tell you I've felt alot of what you are feeling now. You are grieving and it takes so much energy just to survive that much less the awful circumstances you have ontop of the grief. When my Larry died the income dropped in my home drastically and I've been struggling ever since to make it (but that was the last thing on my mind). The worse part of all of this is that you have lost the person you loved and to have to figure out anything else seems like too much. You aren't feeling sorry for yourself, its just very VERY hard to go thru. I hope that you can find some peace and comfort attending church. Try to take it a minute at a time. I know its easier said than done but it will help to not overwhelm yourself. You have many friends on this site who can offer a shoulder to lean on and perhaps suggestions in coping with the difficulties you have right now. Try to take care of yourself and keep posting your feelings here, it will help. Deborah

[kayc]

Tears,

How are you doing? You can answer honestly, it's okay, we've all been through it. I hope going to church helped you and can open some doors for you for a job and transportation. Please let us know how you are, we're all thinking of you and praying for you.

[Tears]

Hi Everyone,

It has been a while since I have been here. Things have not changed a whole lot. Turns out the transmission on my van had a stuck Governor. It is now working a lot better. Still needs work but I can drive it. I have not yet found a job but still looking. I did not get to go to church yet. My friend was sick but we are going to try this Sunday. I really want to go. I feel I need people in my life. My husband and I were together 4 years and it was just he and I. We did not have any friends. We pretty much kept to ourselves. I am still having a hard time. I miss him so much. I e-mail him about all my feelings. I pray for him to come to me in my dreams. I want to feel him embrace me. I am just so lost without him. My daughter is wonderful. She is really happy that I am here. My daughter in Wisconsin wants to fly me out there but it would be difficult with my little dog. I am going to start sewing again. I used to sew my children's clothes. I just need to get the motivation going and it is really hard. I will just keep praying for guidance and I know God will show me the way. I still wish I could sleep and not wake up but I guess God has other plans for me.

Thank You for your support,

Tears

[mlg]

Maybe part of your job answer is in your last post. Do you alter clothes? I know around here someone to do alterations are few and far between and if you are good at it you could possibly get a lot of business. Also are there bigger cities not too far away? I know some of the bigger clothing stores hire people to do their alterations and that could possibly mean a set salary (not sure how it works and is probably different from company to company)

Even with your sewing, if you could make items and go to a craft showing to show off what you have might get you some business while you are looking for what you want since it is something that you can take a break from whenever you want.

Good luck

[kayc]

Tears,

It's good to see you back, and I'm glad you have your van running at least. I hope you can go to church and find some new friends too. Keep us posted on the job search, maybe like Mary Linda said, you can do some sewing for some money. When my kids were little it didn't pay to work outside the home and pay for a sitter, so I piece-mealed everything I could think of to make ends meet...I sewed (items for sale and alterations), made crafts, sold Avon, worked part time at the church (it was min. wage so they let me take the kids with me...I put them to work folding bulletins, hunting for clip art, etc.), I baby sat. It was harder piece-mealing than working full time at one job, but we do what we have to do! Good luck!