teny Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 This coming sunday 2 of nov its going to be 2 years since I lost my reason for living.I tried to open myself and make new friends like you my far away friends.During the week times runs easier.When weekends are here I get so depressed and try to find activities to end the day.Well when I go to bed alone I feel so sorry for myself and nightmares are chasing me.I had hope that time would heal some of the pain but I loose faith.I miss him soo much I cant remember my life without him.Im scared that I will visit his grave.I have not been since last year.Please pray for me.Maybe God will aswer your prayers cause I can not make HIM understand.Thank you my friends.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Dear Teny,Every milestone is hard. Two years seems like forever when living in so much pain. I pray at night that God will keep me safe during the night and protect me from evil. It has been keeping nightmares away. I will pray that he watch over you, too. Please don't lose faith. I did that for a brief period and it was much worse.I have a wonderful friend in her 60's that is so joyful and peaceful and would do anything to help people. I did not meet her until after my husband died. I asked her one day how she got to where she was. She said, "Through a lot of pain." I never asked what that pain was, yet I knew she understood mine. I can see that person in you after you have come through the pain. You have a wonderful, kind spirit inside you with a great capacity for love. My hope is that you will call on it during the difficult times and love yourself. Also, I asked this friend if I would ever be funny again. Everything was so sad I couldn't even smile, let alone crack a joke. I used to be so much fun with Bob. Her response was, "I know a lot of crabby people that have lost a spouse, and they are still crabby." So, there is always hope for us, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hey Kath, I love your friend´s sense of humor, we can always use a chuckle. Teny, You know I will be keeping you and Yiany in my prayers and will be taking you with me to service Saturday night and Sunday morning also. The first Saturday of the month we always do the memorial service for all that have died during that month of any year. As long as there is someone to remember you in the Orthodox Church, you are part of the service. Yiany´s name will be on the altar overnight and prayers for both of you will be included in the prayers at the preparation of the chalice on Sunday. Rest easy my friend, neither of you will be forgotten. Hugs and prayers from your brother in Christ, Fred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Teny, I will be thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort on your two year anniversary. It has taken alot of courage to get this far and I am proud of you. I know it is still very hard and I want you to know I think of you always, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Teny, my thoughts will be with you as Nov. 2 approaches. I still sleep in te recliner most of the time rather than the bed. There are still some things of George's I have not put away or touched. I think we need to take our own time with it and not rush it. If we never get to it, so what?I love Kath's response (from her friend) "I know a lot of crabby people that have lost a spouse, and they are still crabby." That was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Thurman Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 I'm glad to see that someone else has been sleeping in a recliner. It will be 8 months next month and I have finally started sleeping in our bed. Our dog is also glad that I'm back in there. It is still hard but I make myself get up and go in there. I also get a better nites sleep. I have changed my room around once and bought 2 different comforters. I'm still thinking about changing the room again but not sure. But for now I'm glad that I am back in there. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Well you can add another one to that list, me too ! I tend to fall asleep in the recliner though not intentionally sleeping there. I am curious to know if like me the recliners where your husbands chair before he passed ?Love Always, Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Thurman Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 No, this was not my husbands recliner. I had to get rid of that one as everytime I looked at it I saw him sitting there and it upset me too much. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 That bothered me too Jan as he sat nowhere else other than that recliner but rather than get rid of it as it was fairly new I sat in it instead of looking at it and it actually gave me comfort. Same thing with his side of the bed being empty, I just switched to his side of the bed and that helped alot.Love Always,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan Thurman Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 It was one that my mom bought for him and I never did like it anyway so maybe that was also my reasoning. Our dog sleeps on his side and she is such a creature of habit that I would be in trouble if I changed that part of her routine. ha ha. Her world was turned upside down so much also that she was on tranquilizers for a while also. We are both off of them now so that is something good. I have not been on this site very long but I just wanted to say, Wendy, that I am glad that you have found someone. I think you are much younger than me. I am 61 and was married for 40 years for the second time - so I have literally been married all my adult life so this is very strange. But goodluck to you in your new adventure. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Jan thank you very much, you are too sweet, yes, in your instance I would have gotten rid of your recliner also ! I know what you mean about changing the routine with your dog...try 7 ! LOL Yes I have 7 little Japanese Chins who helped me get through this along with my family and my family here. As far as where they sleep..it's wherever I sleep, they never let me out of their sight. When I walk around the house I have a train that follows me all over...funniest part is when I stop, they pile up like cars on a icy roadway ! Love Always,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Oh Wendy, that is too funny!We had a loveseat recliner...George used to say, "None of that sitting across the room stuff for us!" I still have it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaltC Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 This coming sunday 2 of nov its going to be 2 years since I lost my reason for living.....TENY Dear TENY,My thoughts go over the ocean to you this weekend. I sincerely hope that MANY good memories of your husband help you overcome any depression and keep anyway any nightmares.In a way it's good that you can't remember your life without him - it was filled with so much happiness. I know that I never forget my Jeannie - I don't want to - it helps keep depression away when I concentrate on the good times we had together.I am sorry that this thread got off track, but sometimes we prefer to talk about "other things" to help offset our own feelings of loss. It's a natural human tendency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 I will be praying even mor for you this weekend my far away friend.I got an email today with 2 pretty good sentences that may give you something to ponder over and maybe bring you some peace.The Will of God will never take you to wherethe Grace of God will not protect you.When God takes something from your grasp,He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.I know we all think our loved one was the "best" but is there possibly something else if we just open ourselves to it. Maybe it is just in remembering the special things with no additional hurt. I only hope that someday we will understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted October 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 THANK YOU ALL Iwish my far away friends could be with me tommorow.It is a hard day Iwill try to feel your presence when Il be walking to his grave .TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vickie O'Neil Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 Teny,Please hang in there, I'm discovering this process goes in waves & tides of emotion. I spoke with my aunt who lost her husband 8 years ago & she said it was 3 years before she felt normal. I feel the pain your experiencing. I just passed my husbands 2nd birthday since he died 14 months ago. I managed to leave the huse, go to his neighborhood bar where his good friends go, & the guys hugged me, told me stories about Pat I'd never heard. I got through the day, & it comforted me to know that he's not forgotten & still loved. Regarding Jan & her husbands chair, I had to get rid of Pat's chair for I felt the very same way. Everytime I passed it could see him sitting there reading or working the crossword...If only I could wake up at night & hear him pecefully snoring next to me..the nights are really bad. Wake up, can't go back to sleep..wrap my arms around myself & pretend he's holding me. Hope no one is eating lunch as they read this, yesterday I cleaned up dog poop from our 4 large dogs, a task we'd always shared. I clearly heard Pat say "I'll get the North 40"...as he always did, so perhaps I'm going crazy. Today is Halloween, 2 years ago we sat & handed out the candy to the trick or treaters together, the week before Pat made his last road trip alone up North to visit his Dad for his birthday. So this is how it goes, I guess. Holidays, birthdays, weekends..all have a memory attached..of happier times...circles charmed by Love.Sorry I got off track, & just hang in there!Vickie O'Neil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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