It's One A.m. And I Can't Sleep Blues

[marsha]

I know we all suffer from some sort of sleep deprivation! For me, it's at about 1:30 a.m. - every night. Then my mind turns on. I think about everything, in no sequence - fears, thoughts, memories - a past boyfriend, my friends and I partying at a club in 1977, will I ever find someone again - do I ever want to find someone again - am I also going to die a horrible death - did I file my quarterly taxes properly?? That's just an inkling of what I'm thinking. My brain just races. The other night I swear I thought through my entire life. Needless to say, when I finally got up, I was exhausted. I know my mind is trying to process Joe's death, but can't I do it during the day?? Does anyone else experience this? Widow brain at 5 months talking, Marsha

[MikeC]

Marsha, I was doing exactly that, every night at about the same time (around 1:30 for me, too), until recently. My mind would race from one topic to the next, from very recent times to the distant past, to what will happen to me when I am old, and will I be alone for the rest of my life, and so on. I still don't sleep normally but I am doing somewhat better in that area. I am at about 5 1/2 months.

I wish a good night's sleep for you!

Mike

[kath]

Dear Marsha,

I still go through months of waking at 1:30 and every hour until 5:30, and then give up on any thoughts of a good night's rest. Trying to process all the fears and uncertainties is exhausting. I don't know why we can't deal with these issues during the day. It's just part of the process, I guess. I used to worry about being alone and now that I'm starting to find comfort in my own skin, I worry that someone might take an interest in me. At five months, I would not have imagined it possible. Hang in there, my friend. Kath

[MikeC]

Well, I guess I spoke too soon, Marsha. It is 1:40 a.m. where I live. I woke up about an hour ago and have been lying here trying to go back to sleep. I've been thinking about how busy the next two days are going to be and how it really would be nice if I could face them well-rested. Looks like I'll have to go with plan B: strong coffee.

Sweet dreams...

Mike

[Rosemary T]

This is odd....I get better sleep now (I work really hard for long hours) but when I do wake up it is also around 1:30. I wonder what's up with that?

The first 7 nights after Lou's death I slept a total of 27 hours! That is less than 4 hours on average for a week! I was like a zombie. Everyone kept telling me to go "get something from a doctor" but I refused. Eventually sleep came, but it still is not the same and I am at 319 days now!

Like Mike, I also wonder about being alone for the rest of my life. The odd thing is though that when I try to imagine being with someone else it makes me feel sick. So, I am scared of being so alone for the rest of whatever time I have left, but can't stomach the thought of letting anyone else "take Lou's place" or even "fill the void". Isn't that also odd?

I had an Aunt whose husband died in the war (WWII)only a few days after they married. She was pregnant at the time. Never again did she remarry or even date. She was in her late 80's when she passed away. That is a long time but she seemed quite content to just be there for her son and his family.

Gives a person a lot to think about.

Rosemary

[kayc]

Actually, I mull things over and my brain won't shut off any time I am alone and quiet...that's usually when I'm commuting or when I should be sleeping. After George died, my sleep was deprived at best, then it got better, but these last few months when I knew something was up with John, I started getting only 2-4 hours of sleep per night. I was exhausted, yet I could not sleep. Some nights I never even went to sleep. Now I am up to about five hours of sleep per night and consider that good. I'd prefer seven. I go to sleep for a few hours, then wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep, sometimes laying there in a fitful state, sometimes giving up and just getting up and getting things done. I'm hoping it'll settle back down eventually. Usually I go to the computer, check here, check email...what do you do when you can't sleep? I wish I could read, but I haven't been able to focus on that since George either...I used to read every night, but just have a really hard time with that now. Does anyone else have that problem?

[MartyT]

It may help to read the posts in this particular thread, and follow some of the links that are listed: Not Sleeping

[kayc]

Thank you Marty for the reminder. I think I've done all of those things excepting the imagry, and I'm not sure I can focus on that, but I'll try. For me it is all of the things on my mind that keep me awake...it helps to pray and give everything over to God...so long as we don't take it back and have to go through it again the next night!

[MartyT]

Kay, dear ~ I know one woman who keeps her Ipod right next to her bed, so she can listen to her guided imagery recording whenever she awakens during the night and cannot get back to sleep. Listening for a few minutes helps her to relax and become drowsy enough to fall back asleep. I don't have an Ipod; I use a portable CD player instead, with ear phones ~ and I find this to be extremely helpful . . .

[mlg]

Kay

I hate to tell you not to come here when you can't sleep but they say one of the worst things we can do is get on the computer late at night (look how many of us don't follow the rules). It has something to do with our brains having to arrange all the little dots to put images in our brains. I try to pray or just lay quietly because once I do something then my body must think it's day and I can't go back to sleep. Then I'm up longer and even more exhausted.

Find something really boring to do, I guess

Good luck sleeping

[kayc]

To me there is nothing worse than waking up at 2:45 am and you can't go back to sleep and you try to force yourself to so you lay there until 5:30 when the alarm goes off...it's frustrating. I'd rather get up for an hour and then go lay down and try again.

I used to have a stereo with a remote control in my bedroom but it quit working, I've never even seen an Ipod.

[AnnC]

For the first few weeks after my exhusband died, I only slept about an hour a night. But slowly it got better and I started sleeping more.

But my mother didn't sleep for over a year after my dad died, and she didn't sleep much during his illness either. She would wake up at 2:00 am and then couldn't get back to sleep, with memories of my dad's illness and death running through her mind, plus all the things she has to take care of now that he used to take care of. She finally told her doctor, who prescribed a very mild sedative, and that really helped her a lot. So maybe look into that -- sleep disorders are very common in grief.

Ann