Love Goes On Even More When He Is Gone.

[Donna]

My name is Donna. My husband David was diagnosed in April with an inoperable tumor in his right lung. It was attached to a major artery. The biopsy confirmed it was cancer. Stage four. In may after starting radiation and chemotherapy he suffered a massive stroke on the right side of his brain. All the drs were warning me he would die. But he survived and even recovered enough to walk and do small chores. He had physical therapy and was making giant leaps. Then he caught a cold, [i thought] I took him to the dr, then to the er, then to a neurologist and pulmonary dr. Before I could get all the results he woke up monday in a great deal of pain. I called 911 and they took him to the er. They started strong pain meds and antibiotics. That day the pulmonary dr called to say his ct scan showed the cancer had spread and he was in the final stages. I took him home Christmas Eve and he died the day after Christmas. We had our guests for dinner and took turns talking to him, because they said he can hear us, he just can't respond. At 8:17AM Dec 26th he took his last breath. He was not alone and I stayed with him so I could hold him until they came for him. It was all I could do at the time. But now I live as if he is off on a fishing trip and will be home any day. How long does that last. I have to call upon God to give me strength every day and all thru the day. I don't even know how I got thru the funeral. But now I feel so lonely. So not ready to go on with life. But I will go on, because I am president of a ladies club and I have responsibilities. There are many members who have already gone thru what I am now going thru. I pray they can hand me some of their wisdom.

[mlg]

Everyone here will tell you what you are feeling is normal. At least you found this site early on and could post so we can try to help you through it. Like you I didn't know how I was going to make it through the funeral, but not only did I make it through but I gave the eulogy and with a couple breakdowns made it through. I just couldn't let him go without telling people how wonderful I thought he was. When I entered the church I know there were hundreds of people but they were like cardboard cut outs and I still don't know who was there. At the dinner I'm not sure I ate. I know I sat down at the table with the priest but it is all like a fog.

In less than 2 weeks it will be a year for me and there are days I still feel like I'm in a fog. I have to make lists or I don't get anything accomplished.

Keep coming back here for comfort. I'm sorry you had to join this "club"

[Donna]

Thank you to all who responded to my posts. I am still hanging on to sanity. The nurses at the hospital say the more you control things the longer it will take to let go. I am so afraid if I let go I won't get back in control. Silly Huh!! But now my daughter is having problems with kidney stones so I am focusing on helping her right now.

[mlg]

It's okay to focus on other things but since you are still so new, please give yourself time every day to grieve. If you don't you will eventually explode. I hope your daughter is doing well because I know how painful those little fellows are.

[leda]

Everyone here will tell you what you are feeling is normal. At least you found this site early on and could post so we can try to help you through it. Like you I didn't know how I was going to make it through the funeral, but not only did I make it through but I gave the eulogy and with a couple breakdowns made it through. I just couldn't let him go without telling people how wonderful I thought he was. When I entered the church I know there were hundreds of people but they were like cardboard cut outs and I still don't know who was there. At the dinner I'm not sure I ate. I know I sat down at the table with the priest but it is all like a fog.

In less than 2 weeks it will be a year for me and there are days I still feel like I'm in a fog. I have to make lists or I don't get anything accomplished.

Keep coming back here for comfort. I'm sorry you had to join this "club"

linda, i am so sorry for your lost, you must sill be in shock. i lost my husband 3 years ago. i just found this site. and, i is helping me to read. i am glad you have already found this site., it will be good for you to talk to all of us. that will help alot. i had run out of people who would listen, after a while, they want you to get over it., but, you will need a long time to talk about how you feel inside. god bless you, it is hard. but, read on this site, we all feel your pain and we understand. leda

[WendyJ]

Donna I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I am also sorry that most of us did not see your post since you put it in the tribute section. Marty could you please also put this in the regular spouse section so that we may give Donna the love and support she needs? Donna this is a wonderful group of people that care very much and we are all where you are right now, of course we are all at different stages though in our grief, if you need someone to listen to you day or night please come here and we will help you through this. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love Always,

Wendy

[MartyT]

Donna I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I am also sorry that most of us did not see your post since you put it in the tribute section. Marty could you please also put this in the regular spouse section so that we may give Donna the love and support she needs?

Done

[kayc]

Donna,

I am sorry you lost your husband and I apologize that I didn't see your post sooner. What you are experiencing is normal, as has been said. I'm glad you found this site because it's the best site in the world. You have found here a group of people who have been through it too and understand and will be here for you when you need us. I lost my husband Father's Day 2005, unexpectedly...heart.

I'm so glad you were able to have your husband home and be there when he passed. He fought the good fight...and so did you, sometimes things just happen in life that we can't explain or understand and we're left dealing with it. You will have ups and downs, good days and bad, just expect that it will take time for you to find a new sense of identity and settle into a new "normal"...most of us find it takes a long time but everyone's journey and timetable is unique. Going through the motions following death, planning the funeral, taking care of business, it's kind of in a stage of shock. Your expecting him to come back is also normal for this time frame.

We are all so sorry you had to be here, but being as this happened, we're glad you are here. Being involved with your ladies may be a good thing, it'll help your mind to be involved in something, less time to think, but try not to expect as much of yourself as you used to. Give yourself all the time you need to adjust and heal.

If you ever need to talk to anyone, we're all here.

Love,

Kay

[Dusky]

Donna,

Please visit my web site listed below - I think it may help you to begin to process the many faces of grief.