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Do You "talk" To Your Spouses?


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So I'm sitting here, doing the end of year payroll taxes for the business. I turn to Joe's picture right next to the computer, and I'm discussing what I've done, etc. Then I catch myself. I'm talking to my dead husband. Am I nuts? I really don't think I'm in denial, I know he's dead, but it gives me comfort to talk to him. But is there anybody there??? Am I just deluding myself? Is this unhealthy? It just caught me today - and any feedback would be so appreciated! Marsha

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Marsha,

If you are crazy – then – so am I. Three and a half years after jack died, I still talk to him – daily. Furthermore, I do not believe this is unusual. We all do it. In the book I wrote I made the following mention of the fact that we all converse – in some manner – with our lost love. I wrote,

“In addition to reading, I started to write poetry. (Some poems appear in this book.) And about a month after Jack’s death, I began to write what I call “Letters to Jack.” When a loved one dies, there’s a tendency to still communicate in some fashion—we all do it. I chose to do it out loud (I talked to Jack a lot) and through my pen.” (page 90 of my book)

You are not crazy – and neither am I – normal perhaps – but not crazy. Only those who have not walked in our shoes might call us crazy, however, once they visit the dark hole of losing your mate even they will become believers – and then they too will “talk” to the one they lost.

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Thank you, Dusky, if there's anyone I'd be honored to be crazy with, it's you! Mike, I don't know if I'm just projecting or what, but I've had dreams - just a few, but very vivid. The main one - that he was in a different place surrounded with people who loved him. In the dream I was kind of removed - like I ddn't quite belong "there". I hugged him, yet sensed that he was healthy, happy, and doing his thing, wherever and whatever that was. I've "felt" things; I've seen beautiful things in nature - one day I was really down, I walked to the beach. As I crested the dune, the first thing I saw was 2 dolphins leaping out of the ocean in tandem. Maybe it was just 2 dolphins playing, maybe it was what I needed to see. All I know is i felt Joe's spirit leave him when he died; I was holding on so tightly - maybe some of his spirit came into me. I guess there are no answers - and I'm not asking the questions. I guess I'm answering my own post as I type this - that being I'm still going to talk to him. Oh, boy, is this hard, or what?? Marsha

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Put me squarely in the corner of 'crazy!' I talk to Julie every day and I'm am still 100% crazy in love with that wonderful, beautiful woman who was my best friend, lover, and soulmate.

There's lots of pain that sits right next to that love, but I wouldn't trade an ounce of that love for the relief of all the pain. You keep talking to Joe. He only ceases to hear you when you believe that is what happens. Does anyone here believe that we could have made it through all the pain without the love and support of our dearly departed? They were there for us when whenever we needed them when they were here on Earth--how could anyone possibly believe that they would abandon us simply because their Earthly body no longer exists?

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Some of the feelings that come with grief make you feel pretty crazy, but YOU are not! I talk to Larry alot, I've needed his guidance even after his death. After all he was my best friend, the love of my life, who else would I trust to help me. I haven't wanted to go on again recently and I've begged him to give me a sign. What would he want me to do (in my craziness) I thought maybe he misses me and wants me to come with him. My life has no direction or purpose. I'm trying to find my way, the problem is, I don't want to without him. Deborah

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One comfort, if you can call it that, is that in Heaven (my belief) there is no selfishness, no hurt, no pain, and no guilt. Those are Earthly feelings that we can sometimes unfairly (to ourselves) associate with our lost loved ones. Unfortunately, these feelings when transferred to others, leave us feeling badly and doubting the sincerity of the promises God has made to each of us. We must trust his word that when we join him, all sadness will be gone. If we do this, we must then assume that the same is true for our loved ones. I believe our lost loved ones would only want happiness and joy for us. They were committed to this when they were here with us--I refuse to believe that they would want any less for us now.

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Is this a private party of crazies or can anyone join ? LOL I too at times find myself talking to Steve, but it is not usually on a normal basis it is when I get upset or need help with something that I can't do on my own. Does he hear me? Hmm..... well I always manage to get through it somehow so maybe he does, I certainly hope so.

Love Always,

Wendy :wub:

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Marsha,

I have had a few dreams about Janet - too few, because I wish I had them every night. In every dream she has looked healthy and happy. In the first couple of these dreams I was either looking for Janet and could not find her, or I could see her at a distance and couldn't get to her before I woke up. The first dream in which she laughed and spoke was wonderful! I had one dream in which she held my hand and I immediately awoke and could still feel her hand in mine. The most recent "Janet" dream occurred this past weekend. We were in an sporting goods store and she was buying clothing for me. It was all very natural and we talked, but I can't remember anything she said. I am thankful for these dreams and for the way her part in them has gotten progressively more prominent as time passes.

Mike

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Marsha,

My conversations, like Wendy's, are when I'm upset or angry that he left me with all this responsibility. Occassionally, I wonder out loud what it is like where he is at, so I guess I do talk to him and I'm hoping I am normal. That, at least, is the impression I like to give:)

There was one day I said out loud that when I get to heaven I'll probably kick him in the shins for leaving us so soon. My son reprimanded me saying, "Mom, do you really think God will let you into heaven if you are angry? He doesn't want any fights there."

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Marsha,

You are not nuts. I talk to Alex all of the time. In fact I feel he answers me or maybe that is in my mind. I catch myself at times laughing, so maybe people think I am nuts. Whatever you feel comforts you, go right ahead and talk to your husband.

Love,

Jeanne

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Marsha, You know when George was alive, we talked about this, what we'd do if the other died, and we said we'd probably talk to the other one, out on the patio, or on the porch swing, until they finally hauled us away. :rolleyes: But the truth is, I do talk to George...sometimes it's just in my mind, sometimes I write to him on my computer, sometimes I talk out loud to him...usually when I'm crying out to him, need him to hear me! Who knows if they hear us, if it makes us feel better to think they do, so be it...whose to say they don't? There's so much we don't know, can't know, about death, about crossing that great divide, how do we know but what it doesn't overlap? It comforts me to think of him here, listening, caring, as he always did, and so, I choose to think that. No, you're not crazy at all...if you are, we all are...and all of the rest of those out there that haven't lost their spouses yet...they're crazy too, just waiting for it to happen and don't know it yet.

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