My Grandma Died

[Boo Mayhew]

Nikol

let me share with you that at each month's anniversary (it will soon be 7 months since I lost my husband) I think we all get hit afresh with memories from that awful day. I don't know why but we do. At only 2 months, you will be in a state of numbness, unbelieving, then believing that it has happened, then fear sets in, then numb again. Around and around in circles. Later on you may feel other emotions such as guilt, anger. There is no option other than to surrender to the tears and the feelings. If you fight it, they come anyway, but it makes it even harder and even more exhausting.

You have been blessed with a beautiful grandmother. I know that this is so incredibly painful for you ... carry her in your heart and live to make her proud of you. One day you will meet again, but not for many many years I hope.

Thinking of you my little Greek friend xx

[DebFromLodi]

Today is one and a half years since i lost my mom. Today i realized something: i am getting used to the fact she is not here anymore, is that wrong? Where did that come from?

[MrsH]

MrsH, very sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about the downward spiral. My Mom passed May 16th, and we are still waiting for the wall plaque to be ready for the interment and dedication. We have yet to liquidate the assets in her apartment. That should be happening soon, but as soon as I realized this would have to be done, I went down hill, it was like someone tore open a wound that was starting to heal. On top of all of this it seems like I am missing her more each day instead of less. I hope the pain will peak sometime and start to subside. I no longer watch the time every Saturday afternoon (that was when she passed) but I do seem to know it on a subconscious level and get very tired and weepy around that time. I still spend time dazing pretty much everyday. Although I have gone from thinking about her every minute, to maybe a few hours in between. We all grieve differently but share a bond here I think. These people are caring and compassionate and we understand each others pain. Sometimes I just read but do feel the need to reach out to posts such as yours.

May you find healing and peace in your own good time and if you ever want to email me please do not hesitate.

Hugz and healing

Aries

Thank you Aries for all you kind words and everyone's thoughts. I am amazed at how I feel is reflected insome of your words. I did not realize that being dazed is all a part of it. We too, have to liquidate Mum's stuff and it is all painful and filled with memories. Sometimes there is a scent and it is like a knife in my heart at the memory. I have multiple losses like so many of you and I find myself being whittled down by all of this. It took me 5 years to move on from my Dad's death and 10 years after the loss of my sister and her three little ones. Somedays I cannot even put it into words. I think perhaps I need to go to a group here in town? My brother and i just keep putting so many things off, is this normal too? Oh my, when does it stop???

[Carla Dee]

MrsH,Nicol and everyone,

My mom passed in March of this year and we too are dealing with the Estate. Mom had 5 of us and prior to her passing everything seemed to be great. Since mom passed we have had many struggles and arguments that we have never had before. I think a big part of our problems are due to the fact we are having a hard time dealing because mom is gone and we are not dealing very well. It seems like what you said a scab that someone keeps coming back and scratching making it bleed! There are days when it feels like it gushes for no reason at all.. It's really strange not having mom here to lean on and help make it better. I can feel the boat tipping upward now as each day passes as it sank that dreadful day she passed. All of us now have our life savers on and are reaching out to one another and helping hang onto our lives together because we have grown children and grandchildren that look up to us the way we did our mom. Funny how that is. Like my mother said to me this is life and part of life is dying.. That obviously, doesn't make it easier when they are gone-

Our moms and grandparents have been our foundation and our strength all of our lives and we leaned on them for comfort and security. Having them gone makes it hard because it is now on our shoulders to be that pillar of strength. I believe we all grieve in different ways and sometimes guilt for what ever reason is a factor or sometimes just the pain and sorrow knowing they are really gone.. I have to believe that mom would love the fact that I have been strong like she was and keeping our ship from sinking. I'm not the oldest of the siblings but I'm the center and the peace maker. Sometimes that can be a hard place to be when you are hurting yourself... I know mom is with her family that has passed and I feel that she is a teacher up in heaven just like she was here with us and our children.. I have to believe that my mom will always be with us even though she is not here in body and one day we will be with all of them..

Hopefully, this makes sence and it can help all of us deal with our losses.. It's okay to cry, be angry or even stare into space.. I don't think there really is a right way to grieve because we are all different.. As I read my words I realize that mom is still here living on in me because she gave me my foundation and my strength!

Take one day at a time and hopefully it will be a better day! Carla Dee

[Boo Mayhew]

Deb, it's not wrong. You still love her. It's just that you are adjusting to her not being here now, because you have no option. After losing my parents, around the time that you are at, I suddenly realized that I could remember them and smile, even laugh at funny memories. A while after that I could listen to their music. Today, there are times that I miss them, but those times are infrequent, thank goodness. (It's been 16 years since I lost my Mom, and 13 years since I lost my Dad) ... but I still think to myself ... ooh what would Dad say about that etc. And I find I can answer that question! We carry them in our hearts because they are not here now.

Hugs

x

Today is one and a half years since i lost my mom. Today i realized something: i am getting used to the fact she is not here anymore, is that wrong? Where did that come from?

[emptyinside]

Today is one and a half years since i lost my mom. Today i realized something: i am getting used to the fact she is not here anymore, is that wrong? Where did that come from?

Exactly what Boo said. We have no choice. Of course you still love your mom. There is absolutely no doubt about that.

[nikol87]

So many time.. so many days without her.. every night she is in my dreams, she is with me.. she tell me that she is with me and that she is here for me.. i miss her so much.. i still believe that i should be there for her, she shouldn't die alone.. but i wasn't.. i had the pictures of the funeral, of the grave, of her in her last home.. i can't take them out of my mind.. i love her and i can t believe that she is gone.. forever.....

[DebFromLodi]

Thank you

[Carla Dee]

Nikol,

Glad to see you came back for a visit! I've been wondering how you are? How is your school work doing? I remember how hard it was those first few months. It was like someone had kicked me in the stomach and head over and over again.. One thing that really helped me was going back to work and being with my co-workers and friends. It seemed to help to take my mind off of the pain a little bit. School for you probably is helpful to you too in that way.

I can't believe it has been 6 months since my mom has passed and it is still very hard some days but the days don't seem to be as rough as they were in the beginning. Funny, mom used to call me each and every day on my way home from work and she would ask where are you and wanting to know when I'd be home.. I miss those calls and I still wonder every once in a while if I could just get a call that would be nice- smile.. Even though mom isn't here I still feel her spirit with me each and every day. My brother said it beautifully "I have faith that she is always there for me, when I listen to my heartbeat, I know where it comes from. She is always there for all of us, just as she always was".

We all grieve differently but having someone to lean on during those hard times seem to help a lot! Hang in there sweetie and hopefully you are doing a little better! Take cae, Carla

[nikol87]

Hi.. it's been a lot a time since i wrote here last time.. in a few days (4/6) is the one year mark of my grandma's death.. Next friday i ll go to the village where she lived to go to her grave and for the ceremony(1st anniversary). It will be difficult i know, i miss her and i think that everything start from the beggining now.. i remember the phone rand and told me that she died, the funeral..i remember every detail and it's hard..

[niamh]

hi nikol, I'm sorry about your dear Grandma, I wasn't around at the time, only here the last few months. I hope things will go ok for you

hugs

niamh

[nikol87]

Thank you niamh!

[nikol87]

Tomorrow we'll have the first year mark.. i m afraid that it will be very difficult for me...

[MartyT]

Nikol, dear, try to remember that this day will be no easier and no harder than any other day. It is only as significant as you choose to make it. Let it be for you a day of reflection, meditation and ritual to honor and treasure the memory of your precious grandmother.

[niamh]

Nikol sweetie, I hope you got through today ok. I can't imagine what its like. I dread the one year mark, it's such a LONG TIME not to see our loved ones.

hugs and love to you hun

xox

[Guest Robert27]

Hi Nikol

I am sorry for your loss, I lost my grandmother just this past yr March 16th 2010.

its hard I know, all I can say is I'm Sorry and I hope things get better for you.

Take Care.