Another Sad Day

[azusaman]

Yesterday I got a call from the cemetery manager and was told that Adrianne's headstone was now in place. I don't know about the rest of you, but this was news that just knocked the breath out of me and I just lost it. Maybe it's just part of the reality that is setting in that she really is gone. Hopefully today will be better as I am going to my third grievance group meeting. Man, this 2nd month is worse than the first month and I thought it would be better.

Love to all,

Ted

[Boo Mayhew]

hi Ted

I'm sorry, all these "slaps in the face" or reality shocks are dreadfully hard to deal with because they are so so painful. I wish that we could have minders surrounding us simply to deal with those phone calls and meetings on our behalf or with us (I kind of did actually as all of Cliff's friends are big guys and helped me with all that stuff, as did his family). There again, I suppose it all helps us to realize/understand that what has happened has actually happened.

Keep up with your grievance group and posting here too. I promise you this helps. More than words can say.

It is a slow journey, grief work is harder than anything I have ever done in my life.

Right now Ted, please just focus on one day at a time, eating and sleeping.

take care

[mrspapajohn]

Ted - - I am so sorry for your pain. The same tidal waive of grief swept over me the time I visited Stephen's grave and saw the stone in place. Just looking at his date of birth and date of death seemed like a dream. The beginning and the end. So final. So short. Last night I saw Patrick Swayze's widow on TV. She said that grief was like an rabid animal, devouring all sense and happiness. I completely identified with that. But it changes. It gets better. Stephen has been gone for eight months and the other day, I spoke with a friend of his who reminded me of Halloween that we all spent together and, for the first time at the mention of Stephen's name, I didn't cry. That is progress. Please, just try to take things day-to-day. It is probably the most difficult thing we will ever go through, but we wll get through it. Adrianne will always be in your heart, as Stephen is in mine, and someday this will bring comfort rather than pain.

Kathy

[PaulaB.]

Ted, Some days just knock the wind right out of your sails and sometimes it can be over something really small, but it strikes a cord that resonates through your whole being. Take care of yourself. Paula

[valley]

Ted,

Yep, so many things knock us for a loop. I remember when I had to take my husbands name off our land title deed. I sat and sobbed. My credit union took his name off our account and I got so upset they put his name back on it, but made me the principle administrator. Tom's name has deceased after it on our bank statement, but at least he is still on the account. I have had a terrible time each time I am told to remove his name. I know I am bad this way and will have to move past this and at some point I will.

Yes, these things hit us hard and in different ways.

Take care and remember that this horrible pain of loss is because the love was so great.

Not that that helps.

I hope something nice happened to you today, even one little thing. If I have a good nights sleep, then I count that as something good that happened to me. It can be the little things.

Take care,

Valley

[Kat2005]

Ted

I totally understand what you are feeling. I had a hard time when I got the call from the funeral home to pick up the death certificate. It just validated that everything was real. I thought that would be the hardest thing. I was wrong. The hardest was actually seeing his name on the grave. I just sat at the tomb and touched his name. I don't know why it just made me feel so close to him. I miss him so much. He was my everything.

It is not fair that we have to go through something like this. You don't realize how precious your time is until you don't have it anymore. I would give anything to be able to see his beautiful blue eyes or to hear his wonderful laugh just one more time.

We just have to remember that we are not alone. We have all these wonderful people on this website to help us through this.

Kat

[azusaman]

Thanks to all of you for the kind and encouraging words. The comfort from all the folks on this site is great. It just seems that unless someone is going through the same type of grief that you are experiencing, they can't say the right words to help you. Always the same old trite phrases....she's in a better place, etc.

Ted

[Korina]

I would just say ditto to what everyone has written. And I am dreading the day the grave marker is actually installed (it probably won't be till spring, unless the ground in Montreal doesn't freeze for a while).

We loved them so much...

Korina

[LindaKoz]

Oh, Ted, my prayers are with you. I cannot even imagine the pain you must be feeling. We chose cremation so I won't have to face this sadness. We're all with you and you can turn to us at any time. Ou journeys are filled with twists and turns and many times we don't realize what is going to stir up the overwhelming emotions. Be gentle with yourself, my friend.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda