How Can This Be

[steely]

This is truly the worst day since my husband died. I can't even form words to describe the pain, loss, emptiness. Every time I try to breathe it hurts more. How do you live through this pain?

[furkid]

When did your husband die?

[Maryo]

Steely,

I can feel your pain.It will get better. You are in the early stages of grief. I remember that time. My husband has been gone 15 months now.The pain is not so bad now. I am enjoying life again little by little. It is different now. I still cry, but I have many things to look forward to and many memories.Please take it a day at a time.I hope this has helped you a little.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Rochel]

This is truly the worst day since my husband died. I can't even form words to describe the pain, loss, emptiness. Every time I try to breathe it hurts more. How do you live through this pain?

Oh Steely my Dear...I am here for you and in your corner...It is so difficult to hear your heart and know how bad it hurts...I'm glad that you are here with us where we can love on you...I don't know what happened to you today, but sometimes it is just our thoughts and feelings...Life is so hard without our wonderful spouses, but with help from your friends and God, you will make it through...Try to have some loved one with you tonight...it helps....I will pray for you tonight...Hugs from Arizona....Rochel

[LarrysGirl]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I had so much disbelief when Larry first died, even to this day I still have moments where I can't grasp this has happened. You have to just get through some of these days early in your grief and feel the pain. Post your feelings, like you are doing, cry and scream, let some of it out. Crying will help you heal. It takes alot of strength to get thru this and you will. Take care of yourself, Deborah

[LindaKoz]

Oh, Steely, I know how difficult it is. I, too, have had many days when I did not think I would be able to get through even one more moment. Cry when you need to. Scream and yell when you have to. I wish I had an answer for you. My Brian passed away seven weeks ago and I really don't know how long it will take until the pain is manageable and I am able to truly comprehend that he is gone. Sometimes the grief hits me so hard that I also cannot formulate words, I sob uncontrollably. In these times I know that I have to ask God to search my heart for my prayers because I just don't even know what to ask for. I just want Brian to come back home to me.

Turn to us in your time of need. We understand. We walk along with you. We care. Hugs to you from Pa. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers always.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[derby]

I am so sorry you are having a more than usual trying day. I was sharing yesterday that for me, the shock seems to be dulling so I am feeling the loss more intensly than before. It hurts deeper. Deeper in my heart, my stomach, you name it. Could this be another stage for us? It will be 5 weeks for me today. I realize we all need to work through this so we can continue in the process, however it hurts so bad. Blessings to you today and always. Debbie

[steely]

When did your husband die?

My husband died on October 11, so it's been about 6 weeks.

[steely]

I think that because I received Harold's death certificate, it really hit home that he is not coming back. The finality of him really being gone set in. I was having a tough day anyway and that just clenched it. I'm still having a really hard day today. It's so hard to form words to express how I feel. It's like the weight of the world is crushing me.

[Fredzgirl]

Hello Steely, Yes the day the Death Certificate arrives is a tough one. I had Fred's laying out on the counter for a long time. Everytime I passed by it I would just have to look at it to confirm that he was really gone. Then I would fall apart. I did the same the the obituary from the paper. It just doesn't seem possible that our loved ones can be so alive one minute and then just physically gone. It hurts incredibly. Fred passed away four months ago. My life continues and sometimes I'm a participant and sometimes I'm not. So far, the pain hasn't gone away but it has burrowed deeper under the surface. At times I'll experience something and the pain will just slap me in the face again and then it subsides. It's much easier to live with now than it was the first 10 weeks. I think you are most vulnerable now as the shock wears off and reality sets in. Hold your love for Harold close to you, it will make you stronger; reach out for support from family and friends (this group included) when you need it.

Warm thoughts,

Fredzgirl

[kath]

You had asked how to get through this. For me it was just one breath at a time in the beginning, especially after the shock wears off. I still don't make plans more than a day or two out. I have to live for the now. I can do anything that is required of me right now, in this moment. It is in the string of those moments that I can see the progress.

I could never decide if I wanted quiet or the commotion of people. Nothing ever felt right. Discomfort loomed as greatly as the sadness. We're left with a hole that we believe that only the presence of our lost love can fill. Over time, I started to see that the energy of the love I used to have is still here. It comes through in my work, my writing, my relationships with family, God and friends. It is the combination of it all that brings the healing, that and an ocean of tears. It takes a great deal of time and patience and faith. I pray you are surrounded with all of the above.

Kath

[marsha]

Steely - Kath beat me to it; I was going to say the same thing. I remember very well those days of utter despair. I still get those moments, but the difference is at least I know what's hitting me when it hits me. I went through the early days literally a minute at a time. That was all I could do to see myself through to the end of the day. What helps also is to talk, scream and cry out your emotions, either here, in a personal journal, or to a therapist. It won't change what's happened, no, but it does help. Hugs and peace, Marsha

[Korina]

Steely:

Ditto to Kath's experience, as well. And I remember well the Death Certificate Experience. And more recently, receiving mail addressed to "The Estate of .....". This is almost worse than the Death Cert. But I am surrounded by his love, and that of friends and family, even during those incredibly lonely times, such as this moment.

Hang in there.

Korina