Not Knowing The Reason "why"

[Kat2005]

Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I just don't understand "why" this had to happen. My dad passed in 2005 and my mom gave me this. She said, she had trouble understanding also. She shared with me and I would like to share with you.

There's A Reason

For ev'ry pain, that we must bear,

For ev'ry burden, Ev'ry care,

There's a Reason

For ev'ry grief, that bows the head,

For ev'ry teardrop that is shed,

There's A Reason

For ev'ry hurt, for ev'ry plight,

For ev'ry lonely, pain racked night,

There's A Reason

But if we trust God as we should

It all will work out for our good,

He knows the Reason.

I hope this will bring some comfort to those who read this.

Take care,

Kat

[mrspapajohn]

Kat - - Thank you for the poem. For me, I sure have a lot of questions to ask God when I see him.

Mrspapajohn

[marsha]

Thank you for sharing this poem, Kat - as for me, I find that I have more questions than answers. I need to accept that I simply can't know everything. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around, though. Hugs, Marsha

[Rochel]

Hi Everybody,

I stopped asking the reason why because I watched the reason for years...let's face it, my husband did abuse his health and with prostate cancer and not doing anything about it resulted in death...I know that I do not have any regrets with how I took care of him and how I loved him and how eating healthy and living healthy was essential...I watched his health go down hill and was in denial how much he was pushing the envelope over the edge...and now I sit here alone waiting to feel sane again...the end of the month is coming and I'm going to Cali for awhile...I know that I will need the support of you folks with this relocation....I plan to find friends, church and a new grief group when I get there...This whole crappy thing makes you get out there and meet people...which I will drag my feet doing, but I don't want to hang around retirees with my mom all the time either...Bless everybody on this site...I know that we are all in different places but hurting the same...some more than others at different levels of agony...I keep hoping that it will get better....Rochel

[azusaman]

Good luck in Cali, Rochel. Your grief seems to mirror mine quite a lot, but I really don't think I did much of anything right for my wife the past year or so. I just needed to be more loving and I wasn't and I'm carrying a ton of guilt over that. I hope the relocation works out for you.

Best,

Ted

[Rochel]

You know Ted, I picked that up about you feeling guilt because I listened to Blue Sky Blues again today and the part about "I can take care of you only if you want" that sounds like you wish you would have been there for Adrianne more than you were..."I can't win but for you I will try"...The guilt will eat you alive and you will "lose what's left of your mind"...don't let it Ted...It will make the grief twice as hard and it is hard enough don't you think??? As long as you are carrying the guilt than the Lord cannot fix you...let Him fix you...not preaching at you just speaking my heart which seems to be quite broken these days...I wonder if we have to go thru this because God needs to soften some hearts...cool in AZ - Rochel

[Maryo]

Thank you Kat for the lovely poem.

I guess one day we will find the answers to life and death.

I know that guilt is a hard cross to bare but we are all given free will and as much as we try to help our loved ones we can't make them do something they didn't want to do. All we can do is give them lots of love even when they are no longer with us, and we can ask for forgiveness and forgive them.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[azusaman]

Rochel

You are right on about me letting Him fix it. I just don't quite know how to let Him do it....maybe that's where the softening of some hearts comes in....mainly my own. Thanks,

Ted

[Rochel]

Good luck in Cali, Rochel. Your grief seems to mirror mine quite a lot, but I really don't think I did much of anything right for my wife the past year or so. I just needed to be more loving and I wasn't and I'm carrying a ton of guilt over that. I hope the relocation works out for you.

Best,

Ted

how do you put photos on this darn thing....???

[laurieb]

Kat,

thank you for the poem. I plan on showing and reading this to my son how is struggling so much lately.

Ted,

I have spent my entire adult life loving an alcoholic and I am so blessed that we had a sober healthy loving marriage before he left to go be with God. PLEASE don't let this terrible thing called guilt stop you from going through your grief journey. It is very hard to love them when they are active. God knows! I have read your posts and we all know how much you loved your wife and she also now knows how much you loved her. Please try to let that go and find some peace. Nothing we do will ever bring them back but I am trying every day to work through this journey to be whole again (what ever that means) and to honor Scott and to be a good mom for our boys.

God Bless and thank you for your posts

[LindaKoz]

Hi Everyone,

As much as I try to let go of the whys, what ifs, should haves, and could haves, I still find myself wondering and asking. I know that there are no answers -- perhaps I'll learn when God calls me home. Brian thought that once you are with God you will be given all the answers. I hope that he was right because that means he knows and is at peace.

For me, guilt comes and goes. I have no regrets about our relationship. We loved each other and told each other many, many times every day. Although we only had 3 1/2 years, we really lived and loved in that short time. My guilt comes from not knowing how sick Brian was. We thought he had the flu. I encouraged him to see a doctor but he thought he would get better. We didn't know about the infection. Some days I wonder why I wasn't more adamant. And then I realize that if I'm not to blame, maybe Brian should have realized how sick he was. It just becomes an endless cycle. My counselor encouraged me to release the guilt (gave me tips) and to focus my anger on the injustice of the situation (rather than at myself, Brian or God). This is what I try to do (doesn't always work). Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain or at least focus on the good memories. Perhaps in time.

Well, hugs to you all. We're in this together. You are all continually in my prayers.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[azusaman]

how do you put photos on this darn thing....???

Go to your name and click on profile, then edit profile and click on change photo then you can click browse my computer and upload a pic off of your pictures files. Hope that helps.

(not really a computer geek),

Ted

[Rochel]

Thanks, I tried this so many times and I guess the pics are too big..I'll figure it out

[Korina]

Thanks for the poem. I have to remind myself that in this life, I won't be able to answer the whys...it is hard...

Ted and Laurie, as you know, I have struggled with guilt, and while I continue to do so, those feelings are starting to take a back seat. One day at a time.

Korina