Hi Everyone

[laurieb]

I have not been on since before Christmas. I dont think Im doing all that well. I am going to work, my nail guy asked if I "have a boyfriend" Oh my gosh! is he kidding?. I work, keep a clean house and do what ever I can for my boys. My heart is still so broken and it has been 10 months. Our anniversary is this month, Scott's birthday and Valentines day (which is that last holiday that we spent loving one another) I am so unhappy.so sad. I am able to go to friends house for dinner with one of our boys and had such a lovely time but they are so connected and in love like Scott and I were. I can't walk into a store without everyting being all about Valentines day and remembering the 2 dozen roses and beautiful card I got on that day. God I love him so much. We were so close and I will never be happy and fulfilled again. I hope you all have been well and look forward to reading the entries so I can catch up. I wish I has something to offer you all. I am trying, believe me I am. I am sorry for the un-inspiring post, I'll try to do better.

laurie

[MartyT]

Laurie, dear, no need to apologize for where you are, inspiring or not ~ We're just glad to "see" you back here with us

[LarrysGirl]

Laurie, good to see you here again. Its okay to be just that way you are right now, at ten months, there is no other way to be. Hold Scott close in your heart these next few weeks and you will make it through. Deborah

[JohnG]

laurieb,

You are back with us and we're glad. Uninspiring post? You hurt! Anything we can do to help ease your pain is what we care about. Pour out whatever you need, we will all listen, support and love you all we can.

Peace & Love.

John

[kayc]

Laurie,

Don't worry about the content of your post, it's important to be able to express your feelings and this is a safe place to do that, among others who understand and can relate.

Ten months is still pretty early and too soon for dating, for most people, it is still a stage of shock. It is hard to see others in love, it is a reminder of our loss, and Valentine's Day in particular is difficult. Maybe try to do something special for yourself on Valentine's Day...a haircut, a massage, a movie with a friend, something, anything...as you said, your husband would have done something for you, maybe this way of treating yourself can be like a way for him to treat you, since he can't do what he'd like to do right now.

So often I've thought of "The Dance"...it's how I feel, even though I've suffered so much inner pain from having lost George, I'm glad I got to have him in my life for the time that I did. Sometimes it's the loss makes us realize all the more just how much we lived and loved and were so fortunate to have had what we did...but the measure of our pain seems to equate with the measure of all the love that we shared.

[Susie Q]

Laurie

Of course you feel sad and are hurting. We are all struggling through as best we can, so no need to apologise for that.

My friend said to me recently that the people close to me, the ones that know how we felt about each other, expect me to be having a hard time of making this new world a reasonable place to be in, after only six months without him. She said she'd be really worried if I was hitting the town and having a fine time. That helped a lot to put my ongoing feelings in perspective.

I know, like everyone here, I miss my husband deeply every minute of every day. I try to say to myself that other people can label the day 'Valentines Day' or it might be his birthday or our anniversary coming up, but I can't miss him any more on those days than I do already. It helps me to have a little mantra like that when I feel the tears building.

Don't stay away from here - it's somewhere to feel not so alone.

[Korina]

Laurie:

Your post wasn't uninspiring, by any stretch of the imagination. Just honest and heartfelt. I know how you feel, though with me, it isn't Valentine's so much, but Kailyn's first birthday on Feb 4. We had her party yesterday, and today, missing him has just washed over me like one of those big waves in Hawaii - I was so busy leading up to the party, I barely had time to think. O(f course, thinking is when it hurts the most. My sister-in-law, who hates flying, flew out for the party, and she told me yesterday how hard it was for her during the party. Sigh.

It is really good to hear from you.

Take care,

Korina