Am I Making Too Much Of A Big Deal Of This?

[kath]

I had something happen yesterday that floored me. I NEVER go to the doctor. I don't see the point, unless I need an antibiotic or something. Well, I've had this little tiny bump in my hand and it hurts like crazy, so I went today. After one minute, my doctor starts writing a referral to a hand specialist. Nothing serious, but it may be attached to a tendon and he won't touch it. No big deal, it hurts, I want it gone so I go to schedule with the surgeon. The only one within 100 miles is at the hospital Bob died at. They wanted me there next Monday and it is within a week of the three year angelversary. I started crying right there in front of the scheduler. I certainly didn't see that one coming. And I have no good feelings about this hospital at all.

So, I woke up today wondering if I suck it up or just live with the pain? I have a pretty good track record of living with stuff that just disappears on it's own eventually. Why does it have to be that hospital? After crying to my boss (who's words were "that's life") and sobbing all day in my office, I get a call saying the doctor cancelled all her apointments that day. At least the rescheduled date is a week behind the dreaded anniversary.

I know others have had to face this. What worked for you? I don't want to be a basket case when I see her. And I know that there's no way to stop the tears when they come. I just feel the need to have some composure...to prepare myself.

[Korina]

I wish I had some sage advise for you, but I don't.... I am not sure I could go to the hospital where Scott died. I have even found it hard to go to/by the hospital where he spent some time a couple of years ago (and where I delivered Kailyn). That said, it doesn't seem right that you should have to live with more pain than you already have . Perhaps facing your grief head on will help in the long run... I guess, at the end of the day, it is only a decision you can make (unless somehow there is an option where the surgery can be performed in a different location).

Korina

[Sharon3]

My husband passed away in a hotel in Puerto Vallarta and I will never go back there , never mind a hospital. Having said that I would not suggest compromising your own health. I would travel another 100 miles just to avoid it. I take a longer way home many times because the funeral home where my husband's service was is on the shorter route. We face our grief every day through triggers we never knew were there. If you feel the trigger you know is there is unbearable why put yourself through it but again I would not compromise your own health and if it is the only option then you have to go but don't go alone. Take a friend for support. That's just how I would deal with it, you will find the answer.

[ipswitch]

Well, my husband died on our porch. I'm not prepared to move, so... here I am.

At the first house we owned, we were told by neighbors that the man of the house died at home in the bathtub. His widow was living there for years after his death. (We didn't ask her if that was true, of course)

Wish I had something profound to tell you.

[marsha]

Kath - like Sharon said, maybe bring along a friend? I understand what you're feeling, but I also want you to be safe, physically, and not avoid seeing the doc. (spoken from someone who hates doctors, btw). I was 6 months out when I went to the same hospital to see my employee and her newborn baby. I was having panic attacks in the parking lot. She was in the room next to where Joe was that last weekend. It was ok, though. I just held on to that baby for dear life, for 20 minutes or so. Joe wasn't there, Kath - do you know what I mean? I was remembering, but HE wasn't there. I wish I had better words of comfort, because I know you're in pain. Hugs to you, Marsha

[mlg]

Kath,

I don't know if this is true in your hospital but usually the doctor's offices are in a different area so you shouldn't be near where Bob died. Also, your surgery should be outpatient so it should not be near the same area.

I do agree that taking a good friend with you might be a good idea. Just remember that you have to take care of you now and your kids need their mom at her best. Take care of yourself in whatever decision you make.

[Kat2005]

My mom dislocated her shoulder and was taken to the same emergency room that I sat in so many times with Pat. I am not going to lie, it was one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I guess I was focused on something totally different which helped.

You need to take care of yourself. Why live in pain if you don't have to. It would be a good idea to check to see if the surgery could be done at a different location and having someone with you for support is good idea.

Take care, Kat

[nats]

In my case I would have to take it head on...as I do most issues, that seems to work

because it's over and done before you figure out what you just conquered, opposed to

preparing myself and getting all worked up thinking to much into

the situation....

NATS

[kayc]

Kath, I'm sorry it's stirring up painful reminders, I've been there. My friend's husband was in the same hospital as George and I had to go visit him and sit with my friend, it was very painful and I cried all the way in there but it got better when I was with them and I just kept reminding myself why I was there and that this was a different event, etc.

I think the anniversary of his death we are more susceptible and it makes it all the harder, maybe it was a blessing it was postponed. I would not just let the hand thing go though, you need to know what it is and if it's important to have it removed...the fact that you are in pain would be of enough importance to me to go ahead with the surgery.

I'm sorry your boss reacted so insensitively, sometimes people who haven't been there truly don't understand.

I love you, (((big hugs!)))

Kay

[kath]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You make me cry. I've been looking back at all the things that I've had to face that I didn't think I could and I guess, in reality, this is just one more. I am hoping the extra couple weeks will get me used to the idea. (Until then, I'll keep praying the pain will just go away.)

Marsha, I love what you said by "Joe wasn't there." I want to hold onto that. I tried to go someplace else and this doctor doesn't see patients anywhere else except the VA. I did zoom into the map and it is actually just around the corner from where Bob was. Same complex, different building even. It is good to have the support from the members here. I know you get it, and on a daily basis, deal with it. I can't tell you how many times your strength has "rubbed off." I have to decide if I want to impose on a co-worker. It might take the edge off if I didn't have to think and drive.