Suzanne R. Posted May 17, 2010 Report Share Posted May 17, 2010 I know I've heard plenty of times that it is normal for 'grievers' to feel despondent and wish to be with their spouse who has passed on. But, it doesn't feel like it's normal to me because I don't want to live any more, although I am not going to do anything to harm myself. In fact, I am on a food plan of salads, yogurt, etc. and I am doing whatever it is I need to do to live from one day to the next. I stay in for days at a stretch but I go to appts., do errands, pay bills, because I have to, I cry during the day, get my groceries, go to family get-togethers even though I'd rather not, but I know the family wants to see me and I want to see them (before I go). But, I want to tell my PCP that I have these thoughts and that I'm just temporarily distracting myself with these routine daily things, I really and truly don't want to live anymore, not without my husband who passed away on January 22, 2010. I want to tell the doc. this, and I'm just waiting for God to call me. I really don't want to go to the doc, but I think it's time for a therapist so I'm planning on asking my PCP for a referral and doing this soon. The problem is I think if I tell my PCP this I'm afraid he might think I'm suicidal and have me committed by obligation or inform the authorities. Does anyone think this could happen? Has it happened to anyone that you know of? I've been having crying spells more lately even after the tears stopped for weeks, they're back again. I still have panic/anxiety attacks but they have subsided somewhat. But I still can't wait to cease to exist so I won't feel the knowledge that Danny is gone and I know in my heart that my life is over, while others are getting on with life and working through their grief. I just won't be happy for the rest of my life and no one can tell me any different. I don't want to live. I truly hope I haven't depressed anyone or upset you, but this is how I feel. I'm ready to leave this world but I don't want to do it via an insane assylum. Thank you so much for reading this post and thanks in advance for any advice or support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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