alone27 Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 To all my friends bonded together through grief- Tomorrow is Father's Day - and I am so frightened of facing it for the first time in almost 50 years without my Joel. We were HS sweethearts, so we began sharing this day together long before we were married with our dads, then as young marrieds, as parents ourselves, and as grandparents. Now, suddenly,he is gone - and with him,a huge part of me. My daughter wants to continue a long standng tradition of making brunch and enjoying some time together. I know this is so important to her and therefore I'll be there, but I am already feeling scared of the overwhelming emotions I'm experiencing.....I wish I could just disappear and hide. I miss him so desperately - I'm so angry (at who, I don't know)that he was taken so abruptly and suddenly. How do I/we ever get through this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Father's Day last year was 2 days after Scott died. I think this was the hardest of all the firsts for me, mainly because it should have been his first Father's Day as a Dad. But we all got together and had a dinner for Scott. It (along with the shock and numbness) carried me through. As with all these awful occasions, I have found that time with family and friends, as well as some time alone with your own thoughts and time to talk to your loved one now in another place, has worked for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Spending Father's Day with your loved one for many years and suddenly having it taken away is heart-breaking . I am thinking more of how my children and grandchildren are feeling today. This has always been one of the special days that "Dad" was pampered. Breakfast in bed by me after the kids grew up and then a special supper at our house. Instead of making breakfast I went walking, then grabbed a coffee and muffin at Tim's. My daughter is hosting the supper tonight, her husband is grilling steaks (Lars'favorite) and the grand daughters are releasing balloons. I am not going to enjoy that part, but they have to be able to express themselves also. As Korina said, spend time alone with your thoughts and spend time with your family. Remember that special man in whatever way feels comfortable to you. We all will get through this day,just like we somehow get through all the other days Hugs to all, Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon3 Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 I am sitting here wondering how to spent the rest of the day........I slept in..my neighbour invited me for coffee....i have been on the couch since..now my sister has invited me to dinner with her kids and family...haven't decided if I should nor not. My son is trying to fit me in but his wife's family have arranged a golf game and bbq..............My son is a father now, so how do I say I need to see you when he is already pulled in different directions. I saw him yesterday and said how sad I was for him and how my heart is broken for him to celebrate this day as a father without his own father......so I don't know what the rest of the day holds. I am so used to doing what other people want me to do I have a hard time making the right choice for myself....all I know is I miss my husband like crazy today because he loved being a Dad and a Grandfather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 Hi Alone, Today was a tough one for all of us, I understand when you say you want to go hide somewhere, hope your day was o k, I had my son his wife and my grandsons all day, we were always together on father's day, and would have a bbq, my other son had to work today, so we just ate dinner and I am glad that it is over, it was strange father's day without grandpa. God Please give us all strength Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alone27 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I am going through the motions - working, talking, breathing....even smiling sometimes. Today was particularly tough, but not so much different than every other day.....the profound sadness and feeling so lost and alone can bring me to my knees. How can this be a life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billw Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 Hi 27, We spend the days going through the motions as you describe. I can feel her talking to me throughout the day, it is one thing that brings me comfort. When I go to my knees I beg for relief as this is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I know she wanted me to keep going but some days I just stall out for short periods, I hide at work until it passes and try to press on to get home. I keep hope that there are better days coming for all of us. My wife said she was searching for the lesson in all of this when she got cancer, now I am searching for peace with all of this. Hope I find it. take care..... BW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 Alone, How did you do? Did you spend it with your daughter? I think it helps to not be alone on these days... (((Hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted June 22, 2010 Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 I agree that yesterday was a hard day. I felt depressed all day, Mike and I had no children of our own. I have three from previous marriage. Michael was pretty close to them all. One of my granddaughters spent Sat. night with me, and we went out for breakfast. Her Mother and Dad (my daughter and her husband) came over to pick her up about noon, and we visited for a while. After all left, I just had to SEE Michael. I am so lucky in that I have several DVD discs with him doing various roles, songs etc. I chose the 2007 Theatre Awards DVD from our local community theater group. He had the opening number, all 6'4" of him....singing from "Fiddler on the Roof", "If I Were a Rich Man". It was my favorite song that he sang. I just sat here and watched it on my computer, and cried, and cried....I miss him so much. He did not just sing the song, he acted the part of Tevia as he sang, complete with costume. It was good for me to watch, as it made it seem as if he was so close. Soon he will be gone 6 months, and I just don't understand still how this happened. Praying for all of us in this club we did not ask to join. Queeniemary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alone27 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 Alone, How did you do? Did you spend it with your daughter? I think it helps to not be alone on these days... (((Hugs))) Kay Kay - It was a tough day....no surprise there. I did spend it with my daughter and her family and that helped. We went to visit Joel at the cemetery and spent some time just all being together. Today, though, must have been the backlash - I've been so unbearably sad - I seriously don't know how to deal with pain. I'm trying everything - staying busy, working, yet spending some alone time.....and I feel totally lost. Thank you for checking in - it means alot to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 22, 2010 Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 Hi Alone, How was your Fathers day, were you with your daughter? I was with my son, daughter in law and grandkids, it was tough, I am glad that it is over, the anticipation is what makes us sick I think Take care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alone27 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 Karen - you are so kind to ask! I was with my daughter and family and it made things bearable. Today, though, I had a total meltdown......couldn't stop crying - couldn't contain myself at work, while driving....I was a huge mess. Just think all the stress and anticipation finally caught up to me. What an ugly hand we've been dealt.....don't know if I'll ever get beyond simply existing - I miss him so terribly. Roz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 22, 2010 Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 Roz, I know, I miss George too, always will. It helps when I remind myself that HE is happy, it's just ME that's missing him out of my life...knowing things are better for him makes it a little easier to bear. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad so I keep trying. Sometimes I even feel happy at the moment, but for me it's been five years so don't expect to feel the same as me...and those moments are just that, moments. It's when I'm home and have my dog playing nearby and I'm not thinking about the bills and worries. I know it's not the same and it never will be, I long ago quit expecting it to ever be like that again. There are other times I feel so alone and scared and need his arms around me and he's no where to be found...those times are harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 23, 2010 Report Share Posted June 23, 2010 Hi Hope you are feeling a little better, every event or occasion is going to be so hard for us, and we think about it weeks before, so by the time it comes we are built up and ready to explode, we can't do anything to change it, that is how it is going to be, It is so draining on our bodies, we were dealt a terrible hand, and who knows why, I am so heartbroken, there is no way to explain the feelings we have inside, only people that are going through it would understand, my friends and family have been wonderful, but at the end of the day, it is just me and the dogs. Take care of yourself Hugs Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alone27 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Oh Karen- don't even know if I responding to this correctly. Thank you for your kind thoughts - never thought talking to a stanger could yield such comfort - I have so identified with what you're going through and how you've expressed your sorrow. I so appreciate your words and thoughts - you are so right - only those of us who are going thru this horror understand....... Hugs back, Roz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Hi Roz, as good as it was for us before, is as bad as it is for us now, We do find some strength in each other here, I know that it helps me, I look forward to reading the posts at night. I hope that you had a better day today, I worked until 7, got home took care of the dogs, ate a little something and before you know it is bedtime. Like I said before, my favorite time of the day, can't think, and maybe a good dream of our loves. Take care Peace in our hearts and minds Hugs Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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