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Absolutely Devasted By The Loss Of My Dog?


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l had to put my sweet bubby (dog) to sleep l have had her 18 years ,

Even though its only a few days l am finding it harder and harder to cope l feel guilt even though she was very very ill , l keep questioning maybe l should have given more time to see if the vet hospital could help her she was ill 13 days with one day she seemed to pick up until she became worse vomitting blood brown bile and unable to walk.When they said she had a less then 10% chance of getting better l took the option to put her to sleep.

l know in my head l did the right thing l took her to the vet 3 times in that 13 days with new treatment each time as she had a disease in her immune system that was eating her blood cells .

But my heart is so full of guilt and sadness l am not coping well l have locked myself in my bedroom the last few days as going into the main rooms of the house the open lounge kitchen dining l feel such incredible emptiness , as l dont feel my dogs presence or smell on her blanket this makes me more upset.

My dad commited suicide 7 years ago and this is such a horrible thing to say but l am hurting more over my dogs death then my own dads, l know l have to stop thinking this way but l dont know what to do l feel so alone and like l am going crazy .

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Dear One, I'm so very sorry for your loss, but so grateful that you've found your way to this warm and caring group. You will find, if you read through some of the other posts in this forum, that what you're feeling is not crazy at all, but rather an indication of how much you love your precious companion.

I also invite you to listen to a piece of a radio interview about pet loss grief and guilt, in hopes that it will help you better understand what you are experiencing: Segment on Pet Loss Grief and Guilt

See also these articles:

Coping with Pet Loss: "Am I Crazy to Fell So Sad about This?"

Loss and the Burden of Guilt

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May I offer another perspective from one who is outside your situation?

It seems to me that actually the very opposite is true! Your heart, your soul, your EIGHTEEN year connection to that wondersful little being was what influenced your choice to space that suffering. Eigheen years,~ what an incredible life together you mist have had, when so many breed's lifetime are half or less like the Great Danes!

How cold you NOT hear what your little heart-mate was wanting? I truly truly feel that it is all the cociety programming that we absorb, all other peoples rules about what she should and ought do that get in the way and drown out what we know in our deepest selves would ease the incredible suffering of these voiceless ones.

I helped to birth a rottie chow who was the last pup out that made it alive of a litter of ten. He was slow and I made the decisiion to take and work with him rather then have him end up on a chian somewhere. 12 Years later, with a foot ball size tumor entwined with his hear and lungs not diagnosed until way too late, I could see the suffering every time he looked at me...then made the soul searing decision to euthanize him. So I was right there for those last breaths. He fought it, with his last breath, he lifted up his head to look at me, and I KNEW that he was saying thank you, because I could see the relief in his eyes that was unmistakable. I also knew, that he would have stayed as long as I needed him to, being so unwilling to let him go that he would not leave me on his own, suffering endlessly because he loved me that much.

It was such a huge lesson, that I have since worked very hard to trust that heart connection with all the following dogs to tell them to LET ME KNOW when they were ready, when they were done. Then once I got that "feeling" from them, I vowed no matter what to be ruthless with ME to never allow myself to second guess, to allow the programming I have inherited from my religion, from my authority figures, from my own mind that is always ready to trick me back into my ego which would have had that dog stay alive for my benefit, more then his. Whenever I am tempted to go there, I remember how much he (they) were suffering and now how they are free of all that pain, and with me all the time!

So having said that, would you consider that after 18 years, your heart and soul connection KNEW what he wanted, and your mental programming (and emotional desire to have him back) is trying to bully you into making a different decision for you to make you wrong or bad, (for what ever reason) for sticking up for the needs of your beloved fourlegged friend?


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And another perspective on another aspect...

...and this is such a horrible thing to say but l am hurting more over my dogs death then my own dads...

I would ask WHY is it "such a horrible thing to say?" Just because some of society currently says so?

I feel the same about my own 2 beloved furkids, but made/make no apologies to anyone about how I felt/still feel, as compared to my human family's deaths. It simply is what it is, and there are usually very good reasons of the heart for feeling this way, as it is in my own case (and in many others, if you take the time to find out). It is certainly nothing about which to impose a feeling of guilt upon yourself. A relationship that has been that important and close will always remain so, no matter how many legs the loved one had.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your precious dog and respect your deep and sacred feelings about her. :wub:

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Thanks so much for the kind words and advise , l am still absolutely beyond devestated but l am starting to tell myself that l did the right thing by my bubby , l have also opened up to my mum and sister who live in a differnt state to me at how devestating this has been to me and l now have something to look forward to to save a bit of money to visit them as l havent seen them in 4 years (sometimes you just need your family to hug you).l never wanted my family to know how devesating this is to me as l just didnt want to hurt them.

Bubby was far more than a pet to me. She was my family my soul mate . Simply ingrained in my every day live and my heart , and so much a part of my daily life and routine, that the house and my heart seem intensely empty without her.

Bubby was amazing. She loved me unconditionally. She made me incredibly happy. I will miss her so much. I suppose when you love something so much, when that something is gone, it just hurts all the more. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I am crushed with grief RIP my sweet little girl words can not express the love l have for you and the emptiness in my heart now you’re gone.You will always be remebered.

Thank you all so much for your advise and support

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Let me say how sorry I am in your loss of your dog. That is a long time to spend with such a wonderful companion. Please don't feel guilty for feeling worse over the death of your dog than the death of your father...quite simply, we are often impacted with loss that affects our everyday existence more than others. When I lost my husband, it impacted my life on every level, he was part provider, the person that shared the household chores, he was my lover, my best friend, my companion, my sounding board, he was in fact, everything. I would feel pretty much the same way if I were to lose my dog...for my dog is my lover, my companion, my entertainer, my best friend...I just haven't figured out quite how to get him to do half the chores or bring in money! My dad, on the other hand, lived in another city, and I hadn't interacted with him on a daily basis for years, although I loved him still miss him all these 28 years later. Each loss is different and impacts us differently. The best we can hope for is a long enjoyable time with each.

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  • 1 month later...

Jen-I'm so sorry for your loss. 18 years is a long time to share with another living being. I agree with what has been said here - you did the right thing, helping your beloved bubby to die. I understand the guilt as I questioned everything I after I helped both my Chela (17-year old dog) and Casper (13 -year old dog) leave this world. Chela has been gone 17 months now and I still miss her terribly. Casper has been gone 8 months now and I still have a difficult time even talking about her passing. LIke it has already been said -- your Bubby was with you through your everyday life, there to greet you when you woke up or got home, there to cheer you up when you were heart broken or lonely, there to accept you unconditionally as no human can. Of course you feel empty without her, she was a bright shining, loving light in your life. Please don't allow guilt to haunt you - you did the right thing. When the guilt starts to fester and torment me, I remind myself that everything I did for Chela and Casper I did out of pure love. As right or wrong as those decisions may have been or not been, I couldn't bear to see them suffer one more moment. It's an unselfish gift we give them -- perhaps only one of a few unselfish acts we commit as humans. When the guilt starts to hit, please remind yourself of the pure love you shared with your bubby. She would want you to remember the wonderful life the two of you had together, not the last few moments of her life. Be kind to yourself. It will take a long time for your heart to adjust to this new world you're in, be patient and kind to yourself as your Bubby would be. Take care!


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