What's The Point?

[Jennalee]

I can't help but wonder what the point is of even going on with my life now that Ajay's gone. He was my best friend and my whole world. I see posters here still in such horrible pain after 3 months, 6 months, a year, two years... I just don't know if I have it in me to go through this that long. I'm sorry to be such a downer, it's been a horrible day and I'm not even a full two weeks out.

[melina]

The posts I've read from people in deep pain several years after their spouse's death scare me too. It could be, however, that some people have had trouble working through their grief, while others are just having a bad day when they post.

Melina

[Jennalee]

Thank you Melina. With no responses so far I was getting worried that it indeed was hopeless! I'm feeling a tad better than earlier, and I'm starting to think you and I will both get better. I know it takes time, and right now time feels like my worst enemy, but I do think we'll improve. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in a few weeks or months, things should lighten up a bit.

[mlg]

Each person has to float in their own boat. Some people seem so happy and ready to move on in a few months while others of us struggle. I think a lot of it is how long you had been together and what your relationship was to that person as well as others around you. Like me for instance; I had pretty much given up most of my friends because Tom was uncomfortable because they didn't smoke and he'd go out by himself for a few drags so after a while we started doing things with pretty much just his family because most of them smoked. Now because of several things that happened I have pretty well distanced myself from them and hate to beg my friends to take me back, so it's really lonely. I have quite a group of widow friends and we do things together and even laugh and enjoy ourselves at times but there are other times like recently that everything makes me cry.

Just take this all at your own speed, whether it be minute to minute or day by day. You will eventually feel some happiness again.

[Marion Claire]

All people are different, and all people respond differant to loss. There is right or wrong way to feel.. Please don't think your life is not worth living any more. He want you to go on I am sure. I have several medical problems and my husband did so much to help me and was so worried that I could not take care of myself. I am==there is no choice now. I have to figure out how to do things for myself and not always have him here to help me. Still I want I want to go one for my family. I miss my husband 24/7 but so does my family and they need me here.. Life is worth living even when it feels like it never will be! So I have been told! Have not gotten that far myself yet I admit. One day maybe.

[Korina]

Jennalee:

Believe me, we all have those awful days, moreso in the first weeks and months. It is going to be really really hard, and there is just no way around it. But gradually, you will adapt the the new world you are living in and find your way. That is not to say the pain an loss will ever leave you, but I believe it simply becomes part of who you are. I am currently at a point where I continue to think about and miss Scott every single day, but the sadness no longer pervades my being; it has become more muted and in the background. And I do smile and laugh.

Korina

[Tori]

Yesterday marked 4 years and 4 months since the death of the wonderful man I'd been married to for 53 years. I too often had the same question; "What's the point? The heartache, loneliness, feelings of helplesness,sense of isolation, fears, constant struggles and everythig else that goes with grief were just too much for anyone to be expected to survive. But I did survive it after all!

Now I look back and can see many reasons to understand why I did somehow manage to survive even though it didn't really matter to me whether I survived or not. Today I'm writing this to say; even though it was the most difficult struggle I've ever been through; I'm surprised to find I'm actually glad I made it this far.

I still miss him terribly, tears still run down my cheeks every time his name is brought up and there are still days when I'd give anything just to see him again. My life now is completely different than it was for the 53 years we were together. My new life as a widow is not perfect by any means but I have found a sense of contenment and meaning in this new life that was forced upon me. To sum it up in one sentence; as difficult as the journey through grief has been, I believe I have emerged a much stronger person than I ever thought possible during the early stages of my grief!

My prayers go out to all of you who are so new to the grieving process. It's a long, agonizing struggle to keep on keeping on; but it's worth it in the long run!

[Jennalee]

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words. I'm feeling a lot more positive now. Of course, it's night time, and for some reasons nights are almost always okay. Mornings on the other hand... not so fun. I'll hang in there I guess. I don't see how I have much of a choice.

[MZM]

I know how you feel Jennalee, and It does get worse before it gets better. What I felt in the first two weeks was cushioned by shock and now it all settles in - a month later...Be patient with yourself...thats all i can say...break down when you need to...i believe that we're grieveing the right way

Im 28, and I know, its going to be a long time before I smile again. Its unfair to find your life partner and have them snatched away from you. Believe me i have considered many ways in which I could take my life to be with him and not go through this pain. BUT, i do know that i just have to go through this. If not for me, but for my family and friends who have been such a support.

[Jennalee]

Believe me i have considered many ways in which I could take my life to be with him and not go through this pain.

Me too. Honestly. One day I was working out my plan when people kept calling and interrupting me. And just when I thought I had taken care of them, my neighbor comes to the door to check on me! All I could think is, "Wow, God, you really don't want me to do this, do you?" so I didn't and I'm still here. I wish I didn't have to be. I want and "off" switch. But I guess life doesn't work that way and we don't have much of a choice but to either keep on trucking or put our family and friends through even more immense pain then they're already going through. I'm dealing with that pain now, and I don't think it's very fair to put it on someone else. So I guess I'll just keep getting up in the morning, like it or not and just focus on surviving until "surviving" turns into "living."

[kayc]

A lot of people that used to post here when I went through my loss are no longer here. I keep in touch with some of them. While our lives are permanently altered, most of us have come to terms with it as much as we can or will. It takes a lot more effort, and I don't find the same purpose or joy that I did when George was alive. But I have learned so much from the grief journey that I can be thankful for the lessons and insight I have gleaned. I will always miss him and look forward to the day we'll be together again.

I'm sure there are some that keep the blinds drawn and play sad music and pour over their pictures, etc. I can't do that, it would be really hard to continue life if that was how I lived it. I think it's to be expected in the beginning, but to continue that way would be prolonging agony.

For most of us, there are good days, bad days, and indifferent ones. I think the bad days become less frequent and we mostly reside in that indifferent state with a few good days sprinkled in. Does that make sense?