PopPop Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Well, I'm into my fourth month on this journey and I'm about ready to give up. Can someone explain to me why I should forge on when I can't and don't want to think about a future without Robin. It all just seems so pointless and I don't really understand why I should put forth the effort to move forward when there's nothing to feel good about or look forward to in the future. Sorry for being so negative and being such a downer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Well, I'm into my fourth month on this journey and I'm about ready to give up. Can someone explain to me why I should forge on when I can't and don't want to think about a future without Robin. It all just seems so pointless and I don't really understand why I should put forth the effort to move forward when there's nothing to feel good about or look forward to in the future. Sorry for being so negative and being such a downer. The fact that you're expressing your feelings on this site means you haven't given up yet. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 The grief process is such a roller coaster of emotions. I know there were days when I have said I can't do this by myself. Then I would look at my son and think of my family and friends. They are what keeps me going. I will always have this hole in my heart and nothing will ever change that. When I am having a difficult time I try to think of something positive in my life and most of the time I will write in my journal. That always helps. You need to remember you are important to alot of people and they need you as much as you need them. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will get better. Four months is not that long. Don't be so hard on yourself, and your not a downer. We are all here to help each other. Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 I would say because the way you are feeling isn't a good place to stay in...it only makes sense to press on. I know it pretty much sucks, but it will get easier to deal with on down the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rain Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Please don't apologize for being a downer. We are grieving; it is what it is and I, for one, often grow weary of forced chirpiness and mandated positivity. I lost my adored husband of 27 years ten weeks ago, and I too question the necessity and validity of a life without him. in the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on ~ Samuel Beckett We probably will go on, and there will be moments of laughter, light, song and life. But never again will we experience the depth of joy and love that once was ours. Perhaps if we try not to look too far to the future, and live in this moment, as sorrowful as it may be. Know that you are loved by your family and needed by your friends, and your presence still has meaning. It is altered, but exists. I suppose too that we put forth the effort for those smaller pleasures the world still offers: the song of a bird, a starry night; the smell of the ocean, or dinner with friends... small things and bittersweet without our loved ones, but pleasures nonetheless. I accept them as they come, and they keep me going for now. It is up to each of us to determine what we must move forward toward, and whether or not, in the end, it is enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PopPop Posted October 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 I am fortunate because I do have a loving, supportive family and a couple of close friends who are there for me. At times this gets frustrating because as hard as Robin's death hit them they each were able to, more or less, proceed with life as it was before Robin died and nothing in my world will ever be the same. It has only been in the last week that my daughter and I have really started to open up to one another. I guess this is progress because for the last few years she and I have had somewhat of an arm's length relationship, with Mom as the intermediary, and now we're finding our father/daughter bond again. We did have a lengthy conversation Monday night which I ended by telling her thanks for talking and that she is probably the only person in the world who can truely understand/ relate to what I'm going through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted October 15, 2010 Report Share Posted October 15, 2010 PopPop, you are not alone in having those feelings. I think we all feel that way at some point in this journey. But you also gave your reason for going forward in the last post that I read. Your daughter, she needs you, and you need her. Of course your world will never be the same, neither will your daughter's world. You are also fortunate to have supportive loving family, as do I, and caring friends, as I do also. People here understand, we are all on this journey together. I wish it could be easier for all of us. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cajie_Laurie Posted October 15, 2010 Report Share Posted October 15, 2010 PopPop, Mary is right. You have your daughter and grand children to live for. Look at how far you've come in developing a relationship with her. My prayers are with you. Laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisEvelyn Posted October 16, 2010 Report Share Posted October 16, 2010 12 weeks today. I feel this way every day. Cry everyday. I've gotten tired of my own emptiness. he last two weeks I keep doing things I use to do. It feels empty and it feels fake. But it use to be real and it use to be "us." I keep doing it anyway. They others are right about the other important people in your life. I know I love them and need them. The fact that I feel so empty even when I'm surrounded by loved ones and things I use to love just proves that this is a process and not permanent. I can't imagine my life without my family anymore than I can imagine my life without Mike. He's not here anymore accept in my memory of him, which I need to honor. If you can manage, just do it anyway, plug away, plug away, plug away...I can't tell you when it will get easy because I don't have a clue and I'm just doing it. What other choice do I have? How's that for positive and negative all at the same time? I just can't help it. Everyone keeps telling me to be positive and that all will be ok. Which is fine, but they can't seem to handle the negative, the sadness. Make me even feel bad for it at times. So plug away, because what else can we do. Even if you don't feel it. I don't feel it. But I know that it's ok that I don't feel it YET. I know I have to, even if it doesn't feel like me, YET. And I know the bad and the sadness and the "why even bother" in me is ok, too. For now...I just have to keep plugging away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Wyatt Posted October 16, 2010 Report Share Posted October 16, 2010 PopPop, you answered your own question. Your new reason to go on is to minister to your daughter and to be ministered to by her. God has ways of making even death turn out for our good and His glory. You should read 2 Corinthians Chapter 4 God Bless You Jay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted October 17, 2010 Report Share Posted October 17, 2010 PopPop, Jay is so correct God has a reason for all that happens, we sometimes find it hard to understand but we are not meant to understand, we are meant to learn, grow and become stronger with our life experiences God gives us....another thing we should all reflect on is I'm sure our loved ones would want us to move forwrad, and you have many reasons, so enjoy all those reasons while you take this journey we are now on.... Take care and God Bless NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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