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Christmas is a tough one.

Last year Christmas was only 25 days after mom passed. Usually we have an annual Christmas Eve party which I was not in the mood to have but, after talking it over with my husband, decided to have it anyway. We thought that it would be extremely sad to be alone especially after such a horrible event so decided to have friends over for a short casual night. Mom must have been smiling because I had a good night and being with special friends helped. This year is another story.......

Maybe you can spend time with people that are special to you and that might help.

Sending hugs your way.


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When my kids were young we tried to meld the spiritual aspects of Christmas with the commercial ones by (bear with me on this one!) 'melding' Santa's giving without expecting anything in return to the generosity and sacrifice Jesus made for us...

For me-- I am going to enjoy the holiday spirit by remembering-- not the Christmases I had with my parents so much as the way my parents always made me feel loved and safe....

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I too dread it lonewolf, last year it was just a blur, my mind really had no clue what was happening and because it was so close to it that my Dad left then we didn't have 2 months of build up.

Now that Halloween is over, I'm getting anxious about it. The stores are filling up with candy and I would normally pick some up by now ......but I just cannot bring myself to buy it, in fact I look away when I see anything Christmas related in stores. Was thinking of asking a friend to get some of our "usual" things for me and then I can just pick it up from her few days before it.

I'm so sorry you haven't celebrated since 2001, I adored Christmas as did my Dad and I always "felt sorry" for people who didn't like it. I just thought it must be horrendous to not like it .........yet now I'm part of that & have way too much understanding of why people dont want to celebrate. I wish it could be cancelled. I know my Mom worries about it a lot too so we try to just not even think of it.

I'm sorry I have no ideas for you, I can't think or plan anything myself ..........personally I just want to shut myself off from the world during it.



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This will be the first Christmas without my mom.

Last year my mom received lots of presents, she was a bit overwhelmed.

I remember my brother saying to her that she is just like a kid.

She received more gifts then her grandchild! Most of them were from me, I loved giving her things she would not normally

purchase for herself as she was always trying to save money. I think that is that generation,...having grown up during the depression.

This year I will arrive home...and my 87 year old father will pick me up from the airport. Bless him.

This x-mas there will be my brother, his wife, his child, dad and me. We will have to celebrate for the little one, who is seven.

Just the other day she was crying for her grandma. Her dad told her grandma was in heaven and watching over her.

And she said, 'yeah but she can't tell me stuff.' It breaks my heart.

SHe spends a lot of time now with her grandpa, keeping him good company.

She had a wish bracelet, ...when it falls off, her wish will come true...

then she was telling me that she found a better wish. but she could not tell me.

She had to take the bracelet off, and have a ceremony putting it back on, with her new wish.

Of course she was very serious.

I am sure you can guess her wish...that grandma would come back form heaven and be with grandpa, so he

would not be so sad.

So Christmas is for her...for my dad, my brother and his lovely wife.

The family I have left. I know I am blessed to have them.

My niece will remember this, how her family celebrated, how we continue on with love.

For her, for my mom's memory, in the spirit of her.

This is easy to say...now. I know when I return I will be devastated. Well, I am so sad every day anyways, but I know this will be very very difficult.

As I know it is for every one of you.

If I didi not have a family, I think I would volunteer, trying to bring some joy to those in need.

I think that!...I could easily just hide and be alone and cry, too. And you know, that would be ok too.

Every day is hard, Christmas is just another day.

Thank-you for letting me share my Christmas thoughts.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This will be the first Christmas without my dad. He passed just over a month ago on the day of Canadian Thanksgiving. I have always loved Christmas. But now I feel this horrible emptiness about it. And it angers me how people can keep on with their lives and 'be jolly' when my life is so different and unbearable. It's like when I went to Disney World 11 days after he died - 'where dreams come true.' But you can use it as a grieving tool as well, to heal, to remember. They say in books to start new traditions on holidays.

Christmas choirs and carols have always filled me with such joy. I know my dad loved them too. I'm not an overly religious person, but I want to believe that my dad is an angel watching over me.

I'm going to try to go to churches and listen to choirs. Let the music lift me up out of myself and fill me with emotion. I have no idea if this will be good or bad, but it's something different.

Maybe you could try that? Or volunteering, as heartaches suggested.

All the best. <3

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About a week or so before mother passed on in October, I almost pushed the tab to make plans to visit her over Christmas. I had two years ago, but not last year, and regretted it. But something told me to wait. So, now I am essentially without any family and dreading Christmas. But, I am already doing something about this. First of all, I love the spirit of Christmas. I signed myself up to participate in the choir at my church and will be part of the group at the Christmas eve service. I started attending this church a week or so before mother died. I am not going to turn down any invitations. I usually spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with a good friend and her friend etc. but because of her physical problems, I have no guarantees. If Thanksgiving is not a go, I made plans to go to the movies with a group in the afternoon, and I think I will take a walk at the beach in the morning. That's the beginning of dealing with this.

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Does anybody else feel like Christmas carols are mocking them?

"It's the most wonderful time of the year" had me leaving the grocery store, trembling with rage.

I hate how unpredictable and strong emotions can be now. They were bad enough before.

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My Mom past away December 26th at about 5:45 a.m lastI new she would hold off until the day after Christmas! I take myself back to that Christmas, what Christmas I tell myself, but it was that Christmas! We found out 4 days before Christmas that there was no more they could do for mom. Her body was shutting down and Mom was still able to tell us she was ready to give up! I thought it was the hardest day of my life but by far the hardest days came after she was gone. I remember not wanting to leave her side but at the same time I had 4 young children at home waiting to open gifts with their Mom their!!! That was by far the worst Christmas of my life. In Kansas we had a terrible blizzard around Christmas, I think around 11 inches snow! I picture myself placing the sponge in Moms mouth and placing lip balm on her lips. I remember that Christmas evening as I hugged her as she was in her medicated coma. I held her hand for over a hour that early evening. My husband waiting with me knowing I was going to leave to do Christmas with my kids. I kissed her forhead told her Merry Christmas, told her I loved her, and told her it was okay to go on to heaven for Christmas! I never made it back! This Christmas I've decided to adopt so elderly at our local nursing home. My Mom was a huge giver and this is my way to make a memory good for my kids in memory of my Mom! I know its going to be hard this year as I've stopped in my tracks and sat and cried several time.......Kohls was her favorite store and I went in there a couple weeks ago and stood and cried! Christmas music is playing now and I heard "Silver Bells" for the 1st time and my body just melts! How can Mom really be gone! I know I have another 26 days and I'm sure I'll make it through it! Each day will be a journey as they always say the 1st year is the worst! Mom was amazing and now I sit back and wonder how excited she must be to get to celebrate her 1st Christmas in heaven this year as she missed it by hours last year!!! Merry Christmas everyone and may God help you get through this holiday season!!!

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Hi Momof4, I'm from Nebraska. Bet we had the same Christmas snow last year. This year I picked out a male name and a female name from the tree for seniors. This is the first year for a while that we have one for the elderly and disabled. It's helped me get excited about Christmas without Don. I'm planning on writing a short letter to "Jim" and "Carol" describing why I picked out the gifts for them. Jim's getting Old Spice because it reminds me of picking it out as a child for my dad. And he's getting argyle socks because "every best dressed gentleman" needs a pair of argyles. Carol's getting rose scented body lotion because rose was my moms favorite scent. And I got her an outrageous stretch ring with "bling" because a girl needs some bling in her life. They are also getting the things that they asked for, but it's actually fun and gives me something to look forward to, wrapping for someone. My mothing-in-law died 15 plus years ago on Dec 23rd. We pictured her sitting at Jesus feet asking him all sorts of questions. It was her first Christmas in heaven and we couldn't think of a better time for her to go. Love and peace from Nebraska. And Merry Christmas.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I haven't been here in a while. Christmas was mom's favorite time of year. She loved to decorate and make pies, cookies and candy and the house always smelled so good. We (my brother and I and families) always came home for Chritmas the weekend before. There was love and laughter and children playing up in mom's attic. Each year the house seemed to get smaller and smaller as more babies were born and more were added to our family. And of course mom would invite some of her friends over too. There was so much happiness.

We had our family Christmas at my oldest brother's last Saturday, as we have the last three years. I love being with everyone again and its a nice time, but it will never be the same as it was at home with mom & dad.

The first Christmas after mom died I was in shock. Thank God my husband and children took over. I was walking around like a zombie. My husband did all of the Christmas shopping that year. ( I am usually the one who does this, he usually buys for me only.) My children put up and decorated the tree. My daughter fixed Christmas dinner. At the time I just wanted to get through it. I refused to listen to Christmas music. But I needed to have Christmas. My children and grandchildren's lives don't end because my mother's did. Last year was a little easier. I was a little more involved but I didn't have the Christmas spirit. Again, I really just wanted to get through it. This year, although I miss mom and dad, I am looking forward to Christmas. I have grandchildren and I want them to experience what I experienced as a child. My 4 year old granddaughter and I made Christmas cookies together yesterday. I felt mom with us. I know if she were here she would have been right there making cookies with us. We also made candy last weekend before going to my brother's. I let her help me decorate the tree. My grandson is 20 months old and although he had fun opening presents last year, I am especially excited about both of them opening their gifts Christmas this year. Mom lives on through me, through my children and as I pass along our holiday traditions, she lives on through my grandchildren. This is the best way I can keep her alive. She would so want it to be this way.

I am not sure what I would do if I didn't have family, but I really like the post of the person adopting seniors. We all hear about people adopting children or families for Christmas, but we never hear of adopting seniors. Some senior's don't have family or thier families are not with them. They would enjoy someone thinking of them at Christmas too. That is a great idea!

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