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Can't Believe 5 Yrs. Tomorrow


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Tomorrow, five years... my mind doesn't know how to calculate this passage of time. Over and over in my head today I keep hearing a verse from an old Leanne Rhimes song, couldn't tell you the name of the song, it may not even apply but the verse is something like this... "God grant me a moments grace so I can see your face... again".

To see his face, to hear his voice, to have a moment of peace

Deborah

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Deborah...so sorry...7 years for me on December 25....seems like yesterday....soldier on we will....((HUGS))

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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((((Deborah))))

Best wishes to you today and also on Thursday. I know that Leanne Rhime's song - Probably Wouldn't Be this Way - was about a "break-up", but some of the lyrics can also apply to the death of a loved one. The words help us remember some of the good times we had back before 2005.

We probably wouldn't be this way, we probably wouldn't hurt so bad.

We never pictured every minute without our spouses in it, Oh they left so fast.

Sometimes we see them standing there, Sometimes it's like we're losing touch,

Sometimes we feel an angel's touch.

Often we feel so lucky to have had the chance to love that much.

God gave us a moment's grace, Cause if we'd never seen your face

We probably wouldn't be this way

Some say that we shouldn't speak of you or that we should just move on

Some think I've lost my mind, But I just take it day by day.

Enjoy your memories of Larry - love never dies.

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Deborah,

Thinking of you today and praying God will surround you with His peace and comfort. I know it's hard to believe it's been five years and you've somehow survived the unthinkable. The good that came from these tragedies is the knowing you and other wonderful people here on this site.

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Deborah.........you are in my thoughts today. The 5 yr mark passed by for me June 11. The world keeps spinning around and somehow it still feels like I'm living in limbo. I can't grasp how time goes by so quickly even as days seem so long from sunup to sundown.

Larry loves you still as much as you love him still.

I hope tomorrow brings you sunshine as bright as Larry's love

Always Gene

Always!

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Thank you Everyone for your support yesterday on Larry's anniversary. It means so much to know people still care for one another! It was a day where my heart was heavy but I tried very hard this anniversary to not concentrate on the bad memories of that day but to remember his smile, the love we shared and how he loved life. Love him! Deborah

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  • 3 weeks later...

Deborah,

Sorry this is late, I just read your post. I'm sure Larry is holding & hugging you Tight in his new spirit body..he is with you every single day.

I know that there is a Silver Cord that binds the hearts & souls of those that have loved much...the Cord tugs on me in my mind during the day, & when I'm sleeping...not every day. I'm not sure why or when that it comes...I only know it is there & recognize it. Its a Tug on my Heart Strings.

Love, Vickie

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Hi Deborah,

Time sure has taken on a different meaning for us, hasn't it? I had an odd realization of sorts today--sort of made me wonder if my head is ever going to be right about this stuff. I realized that I have the feeling of waiting--waiting for something to happen that never IS going to happen, and I have that feeling almost all of the time. There really are moments, and I wonder if you ever experience them like I do, in which I feel like I might be making progress in recovery…then, nope. Maybe tiny breakthroughs eventually lead to bigger ones.

I wish for us all who are here for the unhappy events that make this forum necessary (and welcome), happier lives, better understanding, and peace this season. ~ Steve

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - Dalai Lama

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I have never heard it put like that exactly "waiting for something to happen, that never is going to happen". That is exactly what I feel like all the time. I don't know what it is that I am waiting to have happen. I know Michael is not going to be coming back in the physical. Maybe I am just waiting for this horrible feeling inside to go away. But I always feel that way, like I am just going through the motions, waiting for something. I want to move on, and not feel this emptyness inside, but don't know if that will ever happen.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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I guess we're waiting for the day the grief will go away? As though miraculously the sky will open up and shine on us and the sadness will evaporate? That's the way I feel. I am still in some sort of strange state of mind; most days I function, but in a fog. The emptiness is still there, although it's not quite as raw....I don't think it will ever be filled. The reality that I'll never spend time with Clint again on this Earth is a smack in the face regardless of any strides I make toward recovery. I guess I'm waiting for that feeling to vanish.......

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  • 5 weeks later...

Hi Mary, For some reason, I don't think I received notification that you'd replied to my reply ;) .

It really is an odd, unsettling feeling, isn't it, this waiting for a train when there isn't even a train track?! Stranger still, that we do it when we know there's no train, no train track--nothing even scheduled to arrive. I suppose it takes time to remap our minds, the way we think, and such after a devastating loss. When the object of our love is no longer around to receive, the love remains--what to do with it though? Also, just because nothing is scheduled to arrive does not mean nothing is on the way, right? Life is complex and unpredictable. My wife Tanya arrived at just such a time in my life--things were not so good--one day she was unknown to me, the next, my life was forever transformed and brightened.

I think (hope) that eventually, we find our way, but the finding is sure a trial at times. Desire is a strange thing--especially when what you want you can't have, but your mind and heart refuse to accommodate the new, unwanted reality. Dry wheat thins just don't work when you want chocolate ice cream!

I hope this new year brings us all, especially you, plenty of spiritual chocolate ice cream. ~ Steve

~ Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~ Benjamin

Help me fight cancer? www.RockYourKarma.com

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Steve,

I love the "spiritual chocolate ice cream". Yes that is what I want, not the dry wheat thins. I will forever miss Michael, but in a couple of weeks it will be one year and I want to move forward. I feel like I have been in limbo for a long time, and want to move past that. At the same time I feel guilty for wanting to move forward, makes me feel like I am leaving Michael behind. I know he will always be here in my heart, but there is still a part of me that has a hard time accepting that he will never be here in the physical again. I am so fortunate in having such close friends and family, who kept me really busy during the holidays. There were very tough moments, but I made it through them. New Years Eve was special. I have two friends who have also lost spouses during the last two years. We celetrated the new year with other close friends. Dana (lost her husband April, 09) and I (lost Michael 1-13-10) wore turquoise necklaces that Tom (lost his wife 9-09) gave us that had belonged to his wife. We had home brew (ale) that Dana's husband had made before he died, and seafood gumbo from the freezer that Michael had made in november 09, before he died in January. With other friends and with the memories of our spouses that were gone, we had a good NYE celebration.

Wishing the spiritual Chocolate ice cream for all of us also. Praying that this journey becomes easier for all of us in the new year.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Desire is a strange thing--especially when what you want you can't have, but your mind and heart refuse to accommodate the new, unwanted reality

Steve, that's a good way to describe the feeling. My mind and heart refuse to accept this new reality. That's exactly how I feel.

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