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Skipping Thanksgiving This Year


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I have decided to just do nothing on Thursday. I lost Clint just a month ago, and this yuletide season is just a bit much for me. I can't stand the way everyone goes about their 'holly jolly' lives and my life is in shambles. If it weren't for my son, I would skip Christmas, too.

If this is any indication of how the first year will be, I'm probably going to be a sad sack for a very long time.

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I completely understand where you're coming from-- this time of year is so hard. One of the last memories I have of my brother is spending Thanksgiving together. I have always been very close with my siblings but right before he died Oren and I got especially close. Some say it was a gift, god's way of letting me have a special time to bond with him before he passed, but mostly I feel pain. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but mostly it's just sad. Don't be afraid to tell yourself that this is an awful time. Holidays bring up happy memories for people who still have their loved ones, and painful memories for those who never will again. I will be thinking of you- stay strong.

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It's fine not to observe holidays. A lot of people are alone, believe it or not. Some of us say we have other plans, so as not to feel stupid that we don't have other plans (not saying this has been your case, but has mine).

Your loss is so recent. Why not do something non-traditional like order a pizza and watch movies, or go for a drive or nice long walk? Our country fixates too much on holidays, anyway.

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Sometime I wish my loss had been more recent-- it was 8 years ago and I am left now with no one to talk to. Everyone kind of feels like it's old news. Even my family doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I am hoping someone will understand me here.

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It is OK to skip Thanksgiving or any other holiday. Whatever we need to do is the right thing to do. I already went through Thanksgiving being Canadian and I rented a bunch of old moives and made popcorn. I did what exactly I needed to do. Holidays are hard at the best of times. I will be thinking of you.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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I'm thankful that Norway doesn't observe Thanksgiving. I can understand why you're skipping it - it's just food, and like you, I would probably not be feeling very thankful.

Christmas will be tough this year, but I'm going through with it for my sons' sake. They're not small children, but I think it will be important for us to gather together and try to enjoy each other's company and if we can handle it, remember some good times with my husband/their father.

I think that the first year is supposed to be the hardest when it comes to holidays. You may not be a sad sack for years to come, though the sadness might be there deep inside.

Melina

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Thank you all,

It's just that this is harder than I thought it would be. His passing came right at midterm time and at the beginning of all these holidays. I understand people are going on with their lives, but don't they realize that my whole world has been destroyed? I try to be positive and manage this, but once he was buried, it's like no one cares anymore and I am all alone, remembering that he's not here anymore. Nothing is normal anymore, nothing feels right, everything is a facade for me, I'm just going through the motions getting necessary things done. There's nothing much left for this extra 'holiday' celebration...I can't even consider celebrating anything anymore.

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How old is your son?

If he's real young he won't notice, if he's grown he'll understand, but if he's middle school age, it might be harder. Some kids need some things to go on as normal so as not to feel their whole world crashed...but I doubt if Thanksgiving is one of those days, it seems to have become mostly about getting together with family and eating extravagantly.

I would talk to him and tell him you're skipping it and why, I'm sure he'll understand, just like my kids did when I decided to skip that first Easter. We have to do what feels right for us.

I skipped July 4th too, there was no way I could get together with all the celebrating and mayhem just 2 1/2 weeks after George died. No way.

You ask if people don't understand...no, they don't, not if they haven't been through it, although some will if it's pointed out to them.

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Funny how we have to pick a couple days out of the year or a season if you will to do what we should be doing year round. On any given day of the year we should be "Grateful" and give thanks. We should be kind to others and gather for meals with our families on a regular basis not just because it is a particular season or day. My wife and I had this discussion a lot, these holidays often bring on way too much expectation and anxiety.

This will be my first holiday season without my wife. The boys and I are getting together tomorrow to BBQ and watch a ball game. No expectation or anxiety, just a relaxing day together. What better way to honor my wife and their mother than to spend another day here visiting and spending quality time together no matter what day it is......BW

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I agree with you, Billw; however, when you have dysfunctional family members, it just isn't that simplistic. Clint and I were 'our family' and could celebrate each day and not simply on the "holidays". Our families didn't have normal traditions, so there is no reason to celebrate without him. I hope you and your boys have a wonderful day tomorrow.

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I so understand having dysfunctional family members and not having normal traditions. I also understand that Clint and you were "our family". I also understand your feeling that there is no reason to celebrate without Clint. Your journey is so new and I understand so well. Melissa and I were "our family" too. My family did not have normal tradtions as well. In fact, it was Melissa who taught me what traditions were all about.

I want you to know that doing what you need right now is just fine. I can tell you that this is the first Christmas coming that I feel like celebrating. It has taken me 7 years to get here. I pray you get here too. The time we each need is different as our life experiences are different. I pray you can see even if a flicker of Light some hope that one day you will once again feel like celebrating. Clint is still with you, he is part of you, he is in your heart, not at all the same as having him here in body as well but the love you shared is still with you and always will be. This is the thinking that helps me when I get to the place of feeling all alone and abandoned. It warms my heart. I actually have those words "Melissa died but our love did not" written and framed in our living room.

My heart aches for you and know that I will be holding you in prayer.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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I wonder if it would help just a bit to substitute the word "observe" for "celebrate," as a way to take the pressure off that somehow we must force ourselves to be "in the mood" ? So instead of feeling as if we must "celebrate" Thanksgiving (or any special day) we can decide whether we wish to observe it ~ or not.

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I wonder if it would help just a bit to substitute the word "observe" for "celebrate," as a way to take the pressure off that somehow we must force ourselves to be "in the mood" ? So instead of feeling as if we must "celebrate" Thanksgiving (or any special day) we can decide whether we wish to observe it ~ or not.

Thank you Marty....observe is an easier thing to ponder on than to celebrate...especially for those that are just beginning this journey....and facing the firsts.....Blessings, Carol Ann

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I just feel like all days are hard but holidays are rubbing salt in the wound. I know they are just arbitrary days and they do not have to be observed but it is hard not to notice that everyone is wandering NY with their families, spending time together, etc. Thank god I still have plenty of family to celebrate with but in a weird way that makes the whole thing sad in a different way. It is a catch 22, we are sad if we are all alone and sad if we're together. Figure that out... I hope everyone has a nice non-Thanksgiving :-)

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