I Can't Wait Til The Holidays Are Over

[Hbgirl]

I was debating whether to put the tree up for Christmas and then I realized I enjoy the Christmas decorations. Not sure my husband loved it as much as I do. I thought I was ready for Christmas and knew I would miss him terribly. I am starting to think I have been a little wacky this week and didn’t even realize why until now. I am a forgetful and saying weird thing at work. I woke up at 1:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about Steve. I am going to California on December 23 to be with my kids and grandkids that always makes me happy and it can’t come soon enough. I am really feeling sick right now. I had no idea it would hit me like this. I don’t like when these feelings sneak up on me.

[starby]

((((Hbgirl)))) Be gentle with yourself. Christmas is so hard in the face of loss and it takes time. I think it's important not to force yourself to do beyond what you feel capable of at this time. I'm not going to do much this year, there's been so much loss and sadness. I haven't even put a tree up. If you feel you can go for it, if not it's okay. I think listening to what feels right inside is best.

[nats]

Hbgirl,

I offer my paryers for confort, this is my "first" Christmas without Ruth my wife, I was going to not decorate as knew it would not be the same, and dreaded sorting thru the momories in the decorations, but I decided and she left me know how sad she'd be if I didn't decorate, so I took a few of the special tree oranaments and her favorite snowmen and decorated, she always wanted a white tree and we always debated it should be green and always went for green but this year I have put up a white tree in her memory and decorated with our nativity scenes and her snowmen, I cried alot while doing it but I feel such a relief and warmth now that it's done and it looks so beautiful....I also decorated her shrine and placed some special items and a picture of us at Christmas past beside her Urn....my God Bless you and lead you in the right direction....

Merry Christmas

NATS

[LostmyHoney]

Hbgirl,

Im so sorry for your loss. Im sure your husband Steve, at the very least, loved watching you enjoy the holidays.

My Honey was a sick man even befor I met him, so much of the things we did together were more of me doing and him chearing me on. Like when we went to Wilmington for a night just so I could get my feet wet in the Atlantic Ocean. I had spent my childhood on the Pacific coast, and wanted to be able to say I've been in both. And there was the time he booked a hotel room for my birthday, they had an indoor pool. I had mentioned something about wanting to go swimming some time befor so... he was thoughtfull like that. Both times he just sat with his beer and camera and a big ol smile. His sisters still tell me how much he bragged about how he loved to see me enjoy myself, and how much joy he got out of it.

I wasn't going to do Christmass either, my Honey and I were finally in a place we could get a big tree, were going to stick with 4ft or so. I kept hearing him urging me to go ahead and get a tree, that I needed to "do" Christmass anyway. I still just didn't have it in me. One day as I was walking thru the Christmass section of the store I work at this tree caught my eye. I tryed to find the box for it but we were sold out, I thought ok not ment to be. The next day there were 2 of the trees on display now, no one knew where the 2nd one came from so they agreed to sell it to me. I felt like I was on auto pilot didn't know why I was buying just had to. It is up in my living room and my Honeys Urn has a good view of it.

Hope you find comfort with your family and here as well.

Rachel

[wmjsca]

Hbgirl

I am sorry for your loss as I am for all in our forum. I wish we all could have met under different circumstances. I decorated for my young son, who is missing Clint, too. I wanted to make the holiday special for him. As for me, I could have skipped it altogether and will be happy when it's finally January 2. I miss being a couple, I miss my love and hate his not being here anymore.

I hope you enjoy time with your family, it will help you get through it.

Take care.

[sunstreet]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it feels like our a little wacky but I believe you are very normal. I relate to not liking it when these feelings sneak up on us....it is hard. I support you in whatever feels right for you. This is a very difficult journey but it is one that you do not have to do alone. I want to acknowledge your courage. I am happy that your children and grandchildren bring happiness to you. I think significant loss does make us feel physically ill at times.

It has nearly been 7 years for me and I can share that for me joy has come calling on me now and then. Life feels more than liveable again. It takes time, work and patience.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[pjm]

Hbgirl, I think I know how you feel. I lost my partner of 22yrs in july I'm sure she would want me to decorate and not feel lousy, confused, disoriented and just not right but not sure I can decorate. It makes me sadder @ the thought of the holidays. This is my first christmas without my partner. I have very little family left they all have died an 86yr old mother who has had 4 husbands that have also died. My sister died in 1991. I can't sleep well feel disoriented confused overwhelmed and sick like you. Really can't say what kind of sick just numb. I hope going to your family will help you and I'm sure the grandkids will. It's what christmas is all about the children. Good luck and feel better too. I can't wait till the holidays are over too.

[kayc]

Do whatever you feel like doing, don't worry about what he would have wanted or what everyone else does, do what feels comfortable to YOU. You will be at your kids' for Christmas so you will be around decorations there, so whether or not you decorate at home is really a preference left up to YOU! Christmas can be a really hard time, esp. that first year, so listen to your own needs and limitations and be kind to yourself.