Explain Our Existance And Our Cease To Exist

[pbjb]

I'm having a terrible and confusing time trying to make sense of everything. Before Jeff died he said we will just cease to exist. Just like before we are born. But yet he believed in a greater force than anyone can imagine. Why can't we somehow know that our loved one is ok? Why must we suffer so badly? I believe things happen for a reason but this is beyond reasoning to me right now. Does anyone else feel like this? The disbelief is hardest for me right now. How can a life begin just to be taken away? Yea, I know we are suppose to have a purpose here. Then what? We wind up ceasing to exist? And the people whose lives we made a difference to will eventually have the same fate? It makes no sense. I'm going to church Sunday and hope I can begin to understand........but I have my doubts my questions will be met with anything but more confusion.

pbjb

[Deb625]

Hi PBJB, I don't feel we just don't exist. I believe our body leaves the earth, but our energy continues on not only in memories or lives we affected in the hear and now or even through to a next generaion... We each have and will have changed the world just by having been physically alive... Michael has come to me in dreams, in apparitions, he has changed the TV Channel to his favourite show. Michael has never never told me he is okay or where he is or if he is happy, but he has told me he is there for me and I just pray he is at peace. Take care, Deb

[mfh]

I do not think we cease to exist. Our identity/consciousness/soul -whatever we call it- in my opinion goes on. The evidence for those who need it is growing. I believe my purpose is to be me..something no one else can do...and by being me I influence other lives and the planet. I look at life as a classroom with some tough lessons...we are all doing one of those right now. But I believe our bodies die...not our spirits. Mary

[Guest Nicholas]

Maybe this website might help:

www.buddhanet.net

Nicholas

[Dwaynecg]

PBJB,

I have always believed that our body when it dies, our soul, spirit, moves into another existence. I have never been afraid of death all my life. Like the universe that never ends so does our soul or spirit. I am a Christian and have been for a number of years. I did not grow up in a family that went to church. When I was about 5 years I was watching my mothers uncle work on a roof. When he came down the heavy ladder fell and hit me right on the top of my head. I was out for about 15 minutes. I could see everyone around me and I was floating above then. I was not scared only felt peace. Next thing I knew I was waking up with a bad headache. I know we never die, our body does we just move into another type of existence. It depends on you belief. Some say we are reborn again. We are to an extent. I know I will be with Pauline again and she believed the same thing. She never feared death at. You will be with your loved one again.

God Bless you

Dwayne

[new]

Dear pbjb,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can truly comfort but I can identify with what you said. My husband and I were married for 32 years and we have been together for 35 years, since we were teenagers. He died in a sudden accident and it has been very difficult. There is no explanation for how this can be. He was fine one minute and gone the next. Everything that I thought I knew and understood about life was suddenly changed. I felt I had a close relationship with God but suddenly none of it made sense anymore. How could he let something like this happen without giving me some sort warning. It has been 4 1/2 months for me now. I am rebuilding that relationship. It is different now. I have started going to different churches to visit, and that is going OK for me. Please take one day at a time. That is hard, I know. Reading the posts on this site helps me to understand how I am feeling. I haven't found any real answers to the questions but am trying to live with this one day at a time. I don't have an answer to where he is but I feel his comfort around me and I hope that is his spirit.

My prayers are with you.

Pat

[mfh]

This link was posted by Marty a few days ago... http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/03/after-death-communication-list-of.html It is a list of resources on life after life. I thought it might be helpful as you wrestled with this mystery. Mary

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

Do we cease to exist when we die? Some regard death not as an ending but as a transformation of energy, from one form of existence into another. I'm reminded of this insightful explanation:

Spiritual connections, sometimes called “continuing bonds,” “loving connections,” or “continuing relationships,” provide a way for us to include a loved one who has died in our life through the creation of symbols, images, and signs that are both powerful and essential for their continuing survival. It is clear that the death of a loved one does not end a relationship. Whether or not this relationship is transformed to a spiritual one, our loved ones are not forgotten just because they are no longer in their physical bodies. We talk about them, miss them, and most of us even find ourselves talking to them. However, creating a spiritual connection with them involves taking the relationship on a new path, just as if they had reached a new developmental stage in life and we’d need to find a new way to connect with them. A spiritual or loving connection is a different kind of relationship, but one that at times is even stronger than the one we had with them when they were on Earth. Our spiritual connection doesn’t die with our loved ones. How could it? Our energy is derived from God or, as some say, from Spirit, and returns to God. Just because we’d no longer have a physical body, how could it be that we wouldn’t continue to be a loved one? How could these connections not be Spirit-given?

To continue an explanation of our loved one’s transformation, think of it this way. Take an ice cube out of your freezer and put it on the sidewalk. After a time, you will see a little puddle of water and the ice cube is no longer there. Again, more time passes and what happens to the puddle? Can you see it any longer? Does it make sense to you to say that it has disappeared and it no longer exists? Most of us would say that the water was in solid form when it was ice, in liquid form when it was the puddle, and in gas form when it evaporated from the sidewalk. It may be a bit of a stretch to think of human life in this way, but it may help to know that the water from the ice cube is still as real as your loved one is. It just is in another form.

For healthy after-death connections, the relationship with our loved one must be reorganized and the loss assimilated in a way so that there is an openness for the communications to be heard, felt, and sometimes even seen. When this is accomplished, we will find hopefulness and be able to make a commitment to have our loved one be a part of our present and future without losing the past. Whatever connection is made – whether through a sign, symbol, thought, dream, or doing an act in the loved one’s name – it is this loving connection that seems to help us look toward the future and be willing to enter into life again.

[source: Surviving and Thriving: Grief Relief and Continuing Relationships, © 2008 by Jane Bissler, Deneene Florino & Sara Ruble, pp. 23-24]

[pbjb]

I think everyone in some way on here has said something to help. Thank you...........It has been a rough couple of days. I hope my comments did not offend anyone because that was not my intention. I can't wait for Sunday. I need to start looking through a different set of eyes. it will be rough....but I'll be ok. (at least til my next meldown!)

[Babypod]

pbjb,

I have been having a hard time with that as well. How can she just no longer exist? This great force - this amazing human - no longer exists. I can say in the weeks after her death there were signs - smells - songs coming on the radio that reminded me of her - doors opening on their own - strange and unexplainable things. Makes me believe they were her.

Beyond that - and this is something I have always felt - when on person touches someone it changes their life - and that person touches others - changing their lives. . . .I am who I am today because of ancestors I have never met and who's names I will never know - because of who they touched. Even if we "no longer exist" (which I pray is not the case) - the lives they lived have caused a change in the world and in those around them - and always will.

[Dimcl]

pbjb, I'm afraid that I'm one of the few posters here that agrees with your Jeff. I believe that we cease to exist when we die. I believe that the only way our loved ones live on is in our memories. If I were to die tomorrow, the man I knew and loved would certainly be gone. He told me things he told no one else. He showed sides of himself to me that he showed no one else. If I die or worse, my memory goes, my darling Glenn, the real Glenn that I knew, also goes.

And although I do not wish to offend anyone's beliefs, I believe that those who receive signs from their loved ones do so because they believe in signs and want to see those signs. Don't get me wrong - I would love to believe that Glenn is out there somewhere watching over me. It would be so comforting to believe that, but I just can't.

The brain is a wondrous thing, and if properly trained and conditioned, it can perform amazing feats. A strong feature of the brain is the ability to create scenarios in accordance with your beliefs. I lost my best friend 11 years ago and her Mom (a staunch Catholic) assured me that I would get "signs" from her. Well, I never have because I don't believe it's possible. My Glenn has been gone for 8 months and although I've been assured by a number of people that I'll see signs, I never have, not even close.

The old adage, "Time heals all wounds" is simply a euphemism for fading memories. We don't forget our loved ones but over time, we forget the small details, we forget the feeling of their physical presence in our lives, we forget how they smelled, we forget their voice. Our memories are frail creatures, but I truly believe that's the only thing that keeps our loved ones "alive".

The only other thing I can say is that the disbelief is something that I think we all experience. Perhaps that's why some people turn to God or some form of spirituality. It just seems too cruel, too bizarre, to have this happen to our loved ones and to us. After 8 months, I still look at Glenn's picture and shake my head in disbelief. After 34 years together, my brain hasn't yet digested the reality. As time goes on, the feeling becomes less prominent, but it still often takes my breath away.

I hope you continue your search for answers, pbjb. In my opinion, self-examination and making an effort to understand is a good thing. Just understand that there are some questions that you'll never have answers to and you'll have to learn to live with that. But take comfort in the fact that as long as there are people who remember Jeff, in whatever kind of relationship they had with him, he does live on.

Hugs.

Di

[pbjb]

You hit the nail on the head! This is what I've been going through. I too keep looking for signs and the only time I felt him (or so I thought) was the first week when I was so traumatized my brain went into overload mode and I woke up shaking! Our brains are one powerful part of us and everytime i hear stories I connect them to our thoughts that have been embedded in our heads for all of the years we have lived. This has been proven by doctors. But, I feel if I don't believe in something what is my point in being here? You can't change a person who does not want to help themselves so how can we be an influence? We can only try and hope. Jeff will be remembered by many who loved him. But when I'm gone I can only hope that we are wrong and they are wrong. Because I want to be with him. I never thought of myself as a church goer but maybe I can find some answers there. Lets hope time heals but not erase what we so strongly want to hold onto. Thank you for your honesty. I don't think you can offend just because of what you feel. pbjb

[mfh]

Dear Di

I read your post and want to reassure you that I am not offended nor do I think anyone here will be. We believe differently and that is perfectly fine. Just as each of us tread this path differently, we do it with different beliefs and histories. I respect your beliefs. Mary

[pbjb]

I want to let all of you on this site to know how much I appreciate the support. I read all your stories and find something in each of you that makes you special. your spouses were lucky to have you in their lives. I 'm taking it day by day. Since the last couple days were rough I think my weekend will be more calming. I like to do things around the house to keep busy. And of course I have my 4 legged kids to keep me motivated! I tried to upload a picture but have to try to figure out a way to make it smaller. Hope all of you have a good weekend. pbjb

[Dwaynecg]

Dear DI

I also respect your beliefs. I also know that Pauline could and would have never met if God had not have wanted it to happen. I was Born and raised In Colorado in the mountains. Pauline was born and raised in Fall River Massachusetts. We met in a small town in the middle of Kansas, Chapman. I had gone to Abilene KS. for the summer to spend with my cousins, water ski on the lake and ,have fun. The summer before I had went down for about 6-8 weeks and for extra money I was a heavy equipment operator. I got a job at a rock quarry for extra money. It was past Chapman by about 5-6 miles. So the summer of 1978 I had a lot of time coming to me to take off. I went to Abilene KS. and staid with my cousin. I went back to work at the rock quarry. This time I went down the first of May. Around May 17 or 18. I went to work, and I picked up a guy in Abilene that worked there also. After we got to work it started raining very hard. At noon the boss sent us all home it was way to wet to work. When we got to the turn in Chapman. Dave asked if I wanted to stop for a beer and shoot pool. I said that was fine. In those days the bars could only sell 3.2 beer. When I walked in and sat at the bar who was tending bar it was Pauline. I talked with her for hours. It was like we had known each other forever. She was a very good looking girl. I was a redhead, long hair big beard and glasses. Every man in that town wanted her but she picked me. I believe that God brought us together and she needed me. After about 3 years living together we moved back to Massachusetts. We got Married first. The reason God brought me to her because she got MS. It was first seen by her eye Doctor in or around 1988. The official diagnoses came in 1993. She needed me to be commit to her, and her to I. We were like one soul. I quite my job of 27 years to take care of her for what would be her last 2 1/2 years of her life. In 2000 I took 6 months off work to give he intravenous Medication every day. She was truly a gift from God, and I was her gift from God. I know with all my heart and soul and every fiber of my being I will be with her again. She donated her body to science, but I feel her with me all the time. God is guiding my journey through this grief. I am getting better everyday and soon I should be able to start my classes to become a nurse.

God Bless you, and may he bring you and Melina peace through time of need

Dwayne

The Best and Most Beautiful Things in Live, can not be Seen or even Touched. They Must be Felt with the HEART!!!!! Helen Keller

[Guest Nicholas]

An extremely well-written and cogent posting, Di, and one I agree with despite having converted to Buddhism. The one aspect of Buddhism I could never come to terms with was rebirth but, for the sake of my son who did believe in it, I hope it is true. One thing is certain - every being is impermanent. Nicholas

[Dwaynecg]

It has been said, Time heals all wounds, I do not agree. The wounds remain, in Time the Mind protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but is never gone.!!!!! Rose Kennedy

[melina]

I don't think anyone can have any real idea of what happens after death. After all, none of us have been dead. My grandmother told us about a near death experience - or actually death experience, (her heart stopped after childbirth), which opened my eyes to the possibility of life after death.

I was an atheist all my life, then agnostic - now, though I'm not connected with any organized form of religion, I do believe there might be another form of life following our present one. Whether it's God or some sort of power, I don't know. But I think maybe we move on to some other form of existence

As a neuropsychologist, I do agree that the brain is a wonderful organ that can do amazing things. At the same time, there is no neurological explanation - so far - for the experiences reported by people who have been clinically dead. I've read hundreds of accounts from people who were briefly dead, or near death. Several seem far-fetched and probably made-up. Others seem very honest - and I think I believe them. As for signs - maybe we're not meant to have them? Maybe there's no crossing over until it's really time.

Whatever people want to believe - that's fine. I choose to have hope that I'll be with my husband again some day. If there is nothing afterwards - then it won't matter, will it. I do think however, that this life is just the beginning...

Melina

[pbjb]

I feel like nothing is protecting my sanity right now. I have been depressed for 2 weeks straight and constantly crying. I'll keep waiting for that scar tissue to help cover the wounds. I'm seeing my doctor sooner than my original appt(Sept)and I'm going Wednesday to a grief support group in my town. I don't want to be a downer so I'll keep in touch when I feel at least a little better. pbjb

[pbjb]

I hope in time I do go back to believing in hope (of seeing him again) and faith (that things will be alright) and believing things happen for a reason. Thats how I always felt. But since his death I've been through so many emotions...the last 2 weeks of depression is what I am having a hard time with. Although I did have a good 3 day weekend being with family. Hopefully this coming weekend and next week will be a change. (see my message to dwayne) Thank you for your support. pbjb

[just one more hug]

My faith tells me we will be reunited again...in what form???..don't have that answer. Could not go on if I did not believe that. A twinge in my heart at just the thought of that not being true. Won't go there!!!!...I will be with him again...maybe we'll even dance

I hold that in my heart...gets me through some pretty bad days....Sometimes we tend to think too much about this stuff. Just lock the thought of that reunion in your heart and have faith.....I often think of the little verse I heard someplace..or read...If I die before you do...I'll go to heaven and wait for you. Bill is waiting....my heart tells me.......Carol

[mfh]

PBJB

You are not being a downer. YOu are just down and we all accept that. Post as often as you wish. We are here for you. Mary

[pbjb]

I know I'll be with him again somehow. Just not feeling it right now. I need to work through these emotions before I can begin to heal and believe in faith. I believed before...I WILL again. Thank you so much.

[pbjb]

Thank you Mary! I read what I wrote and it made me chuckle a bit. One of our favorite shows is Saturday Night Live. (We are all about humour, we both loved to laugh.) And I thought about Debbie Downer..Don't know if your familier with that character. I don't plan on being down all the time but it is nice to know people on here won't mind. Think of Debbie Downer if I get too sad, I don't mind if people chuckle too. It is a great way to heal!

[kayc]

I know that not everyone believes the same and there are those out there that think when they die they just turn into nothing. I don't believe that way and personally I'm glad. I believe life is an energy that changes form and when our loved one dies, they shed their old body that does them no good anymore and evolve to a higher form, they still exist in spirit. There are so many who have shared stories about dying on the operating table or their heart stopping...and then they were brought back...did they cease to exist in the interim? No! They were in fact at peace and aware of things.

I guess however we believe, it is hard to make sense of it all because once they were such an integral part of our lives and now they aren't coming through that door, and that in itself is hard to reconcile or fathom. But I have full hope of rejoining George when my time here is done.