Wishful Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Everyday I wake up to my worst nightmare...alone,depressed and with the most deepest pain in my soul. It's killing me not having my partner with me....my compass,my protector and my friend! WHY ME? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 I am so sorry you lost your partner. When did this happen? Do you care to share some of your story with us? You are here with others who're going through the same thing and can understand your feelings. (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Dear Wishful, I am so so sorry. We are all living our worst nightmare and we are here to support and understand. Would you like to share more of your story...we are here. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 HI Wishful, We have all asked that same question at sometime in our GRIEF. I knew years before my love. bestfriend, my soul mate and my wife, Pauline would pass before me. Even though we talked about her passing a lot through the years. She had MS, when the end came she went down hill very fast. I thought I was ready and in my mind had except her out come. But the last 3 weeks as hard as I tried, God took her to heaven. I was a wreck. I have had a lot of health problems the last 5 months after she passed. I get a lot of help on here and my local hospice meetings. These people know what you are going through. I am sorry for your loss, just keep coming back and pour heart out. It does help. God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted July 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Thanks for the support guys. My husband was killed in a car accident.I have 5 month old baby that is a constant reminder of him. I have anger...alot of it. He was over the legal limit when he crashed his car...i cant accept that this has happened now when we need him the most...i am angry cos he was irresponsible and every day i have to watch my little boy and see my husbands eyes and smile. It seems like a cruel, cruel joke by god...just very angry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 26, 2011 Report Share Posted July 26, 2011 It's understandable that you're angry, it's one of the major stages of grief. Some are angry that their spouse didn't curb their weight or smoking or drinking or whatever eventually killed them. Whatever it is that they did, we are the ones left holding the bag and it seems unfair. It takes a lot of time to work through and process this grief, and it took me until about the third year, but I finally was able to accept "the whole of the man" and not just focus on the part (he'd revealed to me just three weeks before he died that he'd been using meth to work harder/faster at work...he discovered his fatal weekend that he had five blocked arteries and had sustained a major heart attack that had left it damaged, which is why he'd had lack of energy...the answer laid in addressing those issues instead of using drugs to work harder/faster). I know that he loved me more than anything in the world and would have done anything for me...he'd simply made a stupid decision. That decision potentially cost us the rest of our lives together. I say potentially because we don't know with 100% certainty what the outcome would have been had he chosen differently...any more than we know what your husband's outcome would have been if he'd chosen differently. Perhaps someone would have run a red light and struck & killed him anyway, we don't know. There's a lot we don't know, that's why I've given up asking questions and have finally accepted...what is, is. I can't change it. Gosh it took me a long time to reach that point though. Right now you have your anger to deal with. Know that it's okay to cry, scream, get a punching bag and gloves. Do whatever you have to do to let your anger out in a safe way. Writing helped me, write to your husband, tell him how you feel, get it out, it's okay. And vent here, that's what we're here for. You never know, you might be helping someone else know they aren't alone in THEIR feelings. In time you'll realize that although your baby may resemble his father and remind you of him, he is a unique person in his own right, separate and apart from his dad. He will grow up to make his own choices and I can tell you this, my son is the greatest blessing in my life...and he very much resembles his father in mannerisms and behavior, how his brain works, etc. (his dad and I divorced after 23 years of marriage)...but I see they have the same good qualities too and my son also has his own unique traits. If anything, seeing my son's mirrored image of his dad has helped me accept his dad "as is" and appreciate him for all of the good that is in him. I wish you the best in this "club that nobody asked to be a part of" and hope you will continue to post here. This is the best group in the world, I can't tell you how invaluable this support group is. Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terp8r Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Dear Wishful, just checking on you. I've thought about you often and understand that it must be unbearably difficult to deal with your grief and a small baby at the same time. Just wanted you to know I care. Love and peace, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Dear Wishful Just to let you know that I am thinking of you as you plow through this pain and anger and loss. One day at a time and patience is what I am learning as I walk this path. I am so sorry for your loss and for how you were abandoned suddenly and in such an awful way. With you....Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Dear Wishful, You are coming to the right place to get through such the hardness time of your live. I think it is great you have a son to carry on his fathers name and mannerism. I wish Pauline could have had just one child, but it was not meant to be. I am sorry he will not get to know his father in person, but he will through you. Take it day by day, even minute by minute. You have so many people here on HOV how really cares about you. Let out your feelings as often as you can. Rest assure your husband is still with you and will help guide your path from here on. God Bless you and your son, may he bring peace into your broken heart and comfort your soul. Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hi Wishful, I want you to know we all feel your pain and sorrow, my wife Ruth joined God on Valentines day 2010... Your feelings at this point are as we call it "raw" and it will take some days for it to pass, take things at your pace, I'm sure that is easier said than done with a small child but "mothers" are strong people God made them very special...you are not alone during this journey we all understand the up's and down's of this grief and your emptiness, coming here is a good place for answers we have many wise people here from all ages, all with different stories but the outcome the same, we lost our spouse, I'm a very positive person and have strong faith and truely beieve everything happens is part of God's master plan, while we don't always like the plan we have no control, with that being the case I follow and accept the things I can not change and change the the things I can to make myself comfortable and happy...you have a very big task at hand raising a child by youself but follow your heart, seek answers, let you instinct guide you and you will succeed...I will say a special prayer for you and your God given gift, keep in touch and remember we are all here for you...may God Bless... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Wishful, So sorry to hear of your loss. It really doesn't matter when a loved one contributes to their own demise....the death hurts the same. Anger? Lots of it. Especially early on and definitely when you have a child to care for. You're angry at the loss of your partner and having been left alone to grieve AND with the responsibility of the child. It is a hard, hard road. But we've all been there, and we understand. Just as our forum friends have stated....it is good to get the anger out....only find ways to express it without harm to yourself or those you love. I am thinking of you...remembering the horror, shock and anger at the beginning. You are in my prayers. Marietta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted December 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Dear dear friends, Thank you for your kind words, support and sharing ur insights with me. Its been a long road, altho the pain is still unbearable my little boy has brought me some happiness. I have spent months crying, shouting, sleeping for days on end only to wake up to the same situation. I am now at a place where I am trying to 'deal' with the situation. My son reminds me every day what jason and I had and I am starting to want to take back control of what was once a happy life. Holidays are the worst but each milestone I get stronger:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Dear Wishful, I am glad to hear that with each milestone, you are getting a little stronger. That is all any of us can do. It is just one little step at a time, I wish you can find some kind of peace and comfort. God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Q Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 You will get stronger and you will have bad days too, but that little baby needs you and will give you the courage to step up and do what you need to do, even when you don't think you can go on. Your partner's love will keep you going. It's a tough road but you have the best reason in the universe to keep trying. My thoughts are with you in these awful days when you are still trying to even comprehend what has happened..Susie Q Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 29, 2011 Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 thinking of you and hoping for better days ahead. It's understandable you'd feel anger. some of our husbands made bad choices about their health that led to their death and we felt angry and deserted but I know if they could see what happened they'd have chosen differently. It took me a long time but I finally processed it all and accepted the whole of the man (George) and now can look back with reality and just love him with all my heart and accept all of him, and know that what we had was amazing and priceless. I wish I could have him back, I miss him, I always will but this is what I have now. I'm glad you have your son and he brings you happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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