Looking For The Positives

[enna]

I am so happy that you are so bravely listening to your needs, Mary. Much has happened to you over the last few months that has drained you of the energy you usually possess. I hope you paint more tomorrow but it seems like tonight it is time to rest. Anne

[mfh]

Oh fae, what memories your posts stirs up. Climbing mountain roads with our motor home and a slew of cars behind us. We could almost hear them swearing. Switchbacks on roads with no guardrails and a long drop. Moose on the roads, rain in the mountains that as we climbed turned to snow in May....

I am glad you are in touch with us since your phone does not work. I hope you can check in each day so we know you are ok. I also hope you are asleep right now...you sound weary.

Peace

Mary

[mfh]

Anne, I quit around 5 or so...can't remember. I worked on the set up for the secondary palette....made the chart and all I have to do is put the paints in tomorrow. Then clean up my art desk a bit and start painting tomorrow....again. I am working on a piece that my instructor loves....very powerful. I am tired...so what's new? I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding...a fun movie and distracting. Very cold and rainy here with lots of rain coming. Reminds me of the 2008 flood in June. We had 3 inches the other night...it was raining cats and dogs (with pardon to the animal world). We had frost this week on two nights so I am not planting new flowers yet...in my pots. I will wait a bit. It is just for my porch.

I hope your day was as ok as a day after an anniversary can be.

Mary

[kayc]

3 inches of rain? Wow! That is a huge amount! Are you getting any flooding?

My pansies survived the snow, probably because it's on the patio, maybe it got some heat from the house.

[enna]

I am glad that you spent some time painting, Mary. I love the rain but it makes me very lazy. Well, I'm lazy most of the time anyway. I saw this picture when I was pinning earlier and it so reminded me of you. I just think it is pretty and I would paint it if I could. It sounds like our fae is having quite a trip. Mountain driving or riding makes me nervous - no, scared - I close my eyes on the way to Jerome and back down for anyone who knows that drive in AZ!! I hope your weather is settling into spring by now, Kay. I would love to drive up the outer coast of CA up into OR some day. I have never been to WA but I have been to most of the vineyards in CA. The ocean is beyond beautiful. A few of my friends from school are going to take a road trip to CA this summer now that school is out. We'll be in the San Diego area and I really want to go to the zoo!

Mary, I loved the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's light and makes me laugh.

I am doing fine. Benji is my little partner and sticks to me like glue. I love him. This morning I was awakened with what seemed like hundreds of kisses! His highness was really hungry and wanted to go to the circle! First time I slept passed 5:30 am!! He usually leaves me alone but today he wanted me up. This is turning into a journal so I better sign off. Anne

[kayc]

I love that movie too! It is one of my favorites, very light and fun to watch.

Anne, the trip up the coast would be beautiful, so many beautiful places to stop! When are you planning to go? I went to the S.D. zoo once but it was on some kind of bus than flew through it, didn't get more than a glimpse, always thought it should be walked through, not flown through! My favorite was Sea World, I loved it! Even better than Disneyland, which is what we'd gone down there for (we had kids).

I haven't seen the vineyards except on t.v., must be incredible! I'm prejudiced though, I think the Oregon coast has to be the best, so many rocky hills, lighthouses, points of interest! Of course if you want to swim, better do it in CA before you head up to OR, too cold here for that. George and I honeymooned at the coast in October and the weather was gorgeous (we lucked out), we didn't even need a coat, nor did we any of our following anniversaries! If you make it up here, you'll have to let me know. I love Depot Bay (whale watching and little shops), and Newport (the bay, also shops and various attractions, including the Undersea Gardens), Lincoln City has a casino...I don't gamble but their food is great! Oh and if you go through Bandon, you have to tour the cheese factory if it's open.

[enna]

I know whom to come to if I ever need advice about shoes, Kay. I have always worn good, comfortable shoes especially when walking around hospitals, schools or just out. I never wanted to be thinking about my feet when my life’s work was to be on them almost 24/7. I do not ‘get’ flip-flops. Everyone has an arch! I do wear sandals so my toes show here in sunny, dry AZ. After all, when I pay for a pedicure I want people to see it. This summer I’m going peaches and cream – it’s like when you get a French manicure. The toenail will be cream and the tip will be a peach color.

I love the outdoor concerts. We have them all summer at different places in sunny, dry AZ. I like the one with the Phoenix Symphony that they have every summer up in the Estrella Mts.

I am a Bob Dylan fan, Mary. I would have loved to be there at the Bobfest.

I thank you for sharing what you are doing and showing that we do move on in our ‘new’ lives. I find it encouraging and hopeful.

Well, Kay, I am now getting that urge to get in the car with Benji and head up the coastline – I can’t imagine what it would be like to watch whales or visit Undersea Gardens. Sounds like my kind of heaven. I do not gamble but I love to eat! I can’t have cheese but I could cheat a little! Now how would I manage those winding roads and mountains! I guess I’d need a travel companion – any takers? Anne

[mfh]

Kay, no flooding that I have heard of but if it keeps coming the Baraboo might reach flood height...it is always the first to flood around here. The Kickapoo perhaps. The Wisconsin around here has not flooded but it comes mighty close to my friend's house and in 2008 came into the garage. At that time, it rained for days and the water came down the hills on the far side of the valley as well as all the creeks etc. We had almost waist deep water in our basement...lost w/d, most of the furnace, freezer was up already high and a LOT of other things. Bill was unable to assist at all but between myself and neighbors we got 5 sump pumps going down there pumping water out the windows and with big hoses out to the streets. We could not find those hoses around here so I had my brother Fed Ex some from Chicago.

The coast up to Alaska was our next RV trip but we had to come off the road. We did do California coast in our car once. Awesome sights.

Anne, I love the wc hummingbird. I like wc art that is not quite realistic but mostly not too far out. I like to see emotion in art or at least something personal...so it does not look like a photograph. I do love that road to Jerome. Was up there several times. It is nothing compared to Ouray, CO. You would do more than close your eyes there. Probably get down on the floor of the back seat...unless you were driving. You would have been surrounded by at least 1,000 Bob Dylan fans yesterday. If it were Neil Diamond, Beatles (which they do on Labor Day), Glen Yarbrough, Simon and Garfunkel, Jane Olivor music...I would be there. I think I missed Bob Dylan somewhere along the line. Your summer symphonies sound lovely. You would know the name of the place north of Chicago where the CSO plays in the summer. I am blocking it. We loved going out there. Take a picnic and hear the best. Can't pull up the name of it. I hate it when my brain lets me down. Sometimes it scares me but mostly it reminds me....I am aging. As for pedicures....I have had 2 in my life and those since Bill died. Hope to do it again sometime but need to find someone besides the local gal. I also wear solid shoes as they support my back. Oh, age!!!!! I do have some crocs and sandals that I wear in summer, however, if I am not walking far. My friend is the head designer for Croc and when she lived here she was for Land's End and I remember seeing her closet once...I never saw so many shoes. She got to keep a pair of any she wanted. She is in CO now.

I remembered when I woke up today that I have carpet cleaners coming tomorrow and think I will just go with it. But it means moving the small stuff. I am not moving the big things. They are doing the sofa also. A hassle but will be glad it is behind me and I have been sitting on my duff most of the weekend so it is a good time.

Dark day today...rain coming most of the week. Fine with me. It is so lush green here....as the summer wears on it changes if we do not get rain because no one in town waters...it is so wasteful when there is a drought going on across our country. So slowly the grass fades. I did break down last summer and water my Maple tree as the drought would have killed it.

Off to my day...after I check FB.

Mary

[kayc]

Anne, you'll have to call me when you get to Oregon! the winding roads aren't so bad, just have to pay close attention, they are mostly two to four lanes, high volume traffic, and remember people do stupid things so you have to watch out for them, go slow and patient. I'd love to meet you over at the coast!

I don't paint my fingernails, I use my hands too much and it wears off, when I was young they were always done, but I keep my toenails painted in sandal weather. I used to year around but my doctor told me not to because my toes need to breathe, something to do with Diabetes and Neuropathy. Bummer, old age gets in the way of your looks! Your french manicure sounds nice. I've never had a professional pedicure but my daughter and George used to massage my feet, and give me pedicures. (I swear, that man was a keeper!)

Mary, I'd love to get my carpet and furniture cleaned, but the nearest ones are 60 miles away, and paying for their 120 mile round trip really jacks the price up! Alas, when you live in the country, it's that way for everything. The local store used to rent out shampooers but haven't had them for years.

Anne, Your symphonies sound wonderful. I've only been to one, 36 years ago I went to the Peter Britt Festival in Jacksonville, OR, it was grand! It was when Elvis died and I remember it was 107 degrees, record temp. The town looks like the old gunslinger days with the brothels and bars, all old and antique looking, you expect someone to come out and shoot 'em up! It's a really cool place. I went with my former roommate, she was big into classical, I don't know anything about it except I love listening to it.

Ahh Mary, Simon and Garfunkel, now we're talking! Did I ever tell you my first job (back in those days we needed a work permit, I think I was 14) was as an usher at the Erb Memorial Union on the U of O campus, and I got to meet Simon and Garfunkel, Joan Baez, Peter, Paul & Mary, Smothers Brothers, Bill Cosby, and many others. I remember how personable Joan Baez was, and I was a huge fan of hers beforehand! That had to be every kid's dream job!

[enna]

Oh Kay, now you brought back a few memories. Simon & Garfunkel, Joan Baez, etc... The first song I learned how to play on the guitar was 'Hello Darkness My Old Friend' and a few others during my undergrad days!! My taste in music is eclectic. Actually, any music sends me into a relaxation that I can't explain. Music, flowers, animals - hummm...

And Mary, on the ride up to Jerome I did have my jacket over my head for awhile!! Remember, I am the one who does not like roller coasters. I hope you are painting today. I am doing yard work and I caught Benji watching the movie Babe - it must have come on after the 'Laying of the Wreath Memorial Service' this morning.

We had a memorial service this morning up at our Memorial Park. It was sad and I cried thinking of my Jim and the plaque there along with all the others. He loved his pilot days and loved flying the B17s. I miss him on this day and all days.

Opps - I forgot - my positive today is that I have taken care of the weeds that are growing up out of rocks in the yard. Remember, I am in The Valley and I do not have grass on my property.

[mfh]

Well, I have made it through my first long holiday weekend alone without feeling horrific. I am about to spend the afternoon painting and preparing a bit for the carpet cleaners tomorrow. I have to move some small items to where there is no carpet...i.e. my studio and the kitchen and bathrooms.

Besides setting up two palettes, I also bagged a lot of Bill's clothes(ones that came home with him from the hospital as well as some other clothes that I had literally stuffed on the floor of his closet way back, bagged them (they were already clean) to take to St. Vinnie's tomorrow...in Madison so I do not see anyone in them around here. I have to return one of the rugs tomorrow afternoon in Madtown. I did this in stages over ten days and through many tears. I can't touch his shoes for some reason, especially the ones he left socks in after wearing them for an hour to a wake or someplace. He put them in his shoes, as usual after wearing them for an evening, to save me laundry. I always check and washed them anyway, except this last pair that I saw. His hanging clothes, most of them, are still there and in the front closet but this is a big step forward with some tears also.

I guess all this explains the gastrointestinal stuff I am dealing with

So overall it was a good weekend...I will not say I have turned a corner in my journey because as soon as I say that...well, you know what happens.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

What, a valley with no grass? You have a yard of rocks? Our Willamette Valley is very green, so hard to picture.

That's cute, Benji watching Babe.

It's been pouring rain most of the day, ugh, a few more days of this. Arlie and I just got back from our walk.

Mary, I feel like congratulating you, I know how hard it is bagging up clothes to give away.

Very long weekend...

[mfh]

I swear, Kay, the clocks are going backwards today. This has been the longest day ever. I has ok but long. I had to put some things into rooms without carpet so the house is a bit disarayed again but by noon tomorrow it will all be ok again. Bentley, however, is not crazy about it. I put a few items in the bathroom...it is large as it used to be the smallest bedroom in the house and somewhere along the line they converted it. He walked in while I was brushing my fangs and started barking at the pile of stuff...knew it did not belong there. What a dog!! Everything in its place.

Not sure what you were referring to about no grass in the valley...was that Anne's valley?

Cold and rainy here all day...got a good walk in with Bentley but it was cold and windy. Strange month.

Mary

[enna]

OK guys - remember - I live in the desert and there is very little grass growing unless it is wild grass in the mountains or people have it placed in a patch in their yards. There is grass on the golf courses with lots and lots of trees, bushes, flowers, and water gardens. Most landscapes in my valley have rock gardens and the ground is layered with rock. Today was the most beautiful day for being outdoors. It was a long day for me also, Mary. Actually, it has been a very long weekend! It sounds like both you, Kay, and Mary have had rain most of the day. Rain is good. Just not too much. Anne

[mfh]

Yes, Anne, I discovered the clock IS running backwards. Just kidding. There was a time when I would have killed to have a day go this slowly...not today. Could not paint, concentrate but still did ok. Had to put a little things elsewhere in prep for carpet cleaners in the a.m. I know it was a very long weekend for you and one riddled with moments of memories....you got through it and now you start year 2 and all of us will continue to walk with you as you walk. Peace, Mary

[enna]

Thank you, Mary. I know you and others will be with my on this grief journey. I did not ever think it would be so painful. I have so much more respect for those who have lost a spouse. I never knew - how could I have? Tears fall tonight because I feel loved and that is so important to someone who is grieving. I have found that it is the little kindnesses that melt my heart now! Maybe I'm too sensitive!!

I hope your carpets dry quickly. When I have the house done, I can walk on the floors usually in a few hours. I can just see Benji now - rubbing his nose all over wondering where his scent is... the first time I had the cleaning person come Benji decided to pee on the kitchen tile - I guess he wasn't happy that she cleaned too good!

[mfh]

You are most welcome, Anne. You have taken so many risks and shared so beautifully here. You should be proud of yourself. No, I did not know this kind of pain either....I have seen it but did not get it. I do not think you are too sensitive.

After the carpet folks leave I will go to Madison leaving Bentley to my art studio and kitchen...he can go back and forth without being on carpet. They will be dry when I get home or dry enough. Thanks, Mary

[kayc]

Okay Anne, you have rocks instead of grass, I'm just not used to that, although there is one fella in Oakridge that has a "rock garden" I figured because he doesn't like to mow, but he's done wonders with it, it looks picturesque. He wears cowboy boots so I figured he was from TX. My friend has a bit of a crush on him and she's from TX.

Mary, it is so funny, Bentley knowing what belongs where and not liking things out of order.

[mfh]

Kay, when Bentley was 4 months old, I remember coming in from the garage with bags of groceries and I usually set them on the floor but I put one on the counter and he stood there with his baby bark and barked at that bag until I put it on the floor...he is either ocd or just very orderly.

I remember when Bill and I spent 3 months or maybe more in Phoenix (June to early September) and it was basically the first time I was there for any length of time. It was interesting to get used to rock and pebble "grass" so to speak but I sure did not miss mowing. The flowers and gardens were beautiful and cactus. Very different from Wisconsin where after all our rain and more to come (severe storms starting tonight through the week) the hills are lush green, a few farmers' fields are flooded but no serious flooding that I have heard of and the WI river is high...islands have disappeared. The Wisconsin is the river of 10,000 islands. Really they are sand bars. People camp on them as they canoe down stream. Today is 69, humid (very humid, Anne) and gray. I drove home missing Bill a lot today. It started when I grabbed his keys to go to Madison and it almost felt like he was right there and when I got in the car, his clothes were in the back and I felt surrounded by his energy...who knows...but lots of tears going and coming to Madison.

[mfh]

Weather weather weather.

My brother just called from the basement of the monastery...tornado warning. I will check on him at 10pm. We (IL and SW WI are under tornado warnings all week...starting here tonight. Chicago Midway airport had 2 inches of rain in an hour. Our planet is up for grabs in more ways than one.

Positive: I just looked at my calendar and the next 5 days (did you hear that folks?) 5 days are empty except for a haircut (pure pleasure), one client, and a meeting here tomorrow...friend is having a tough time...calls me her surrogate mom. Now that is a total of about 3 hours of 'doing" in a 5 day period. My best yet!!!! I will let you all know if the tornadoes are coming. I don't get too nuts over these but I do take them seriously when one is spotted...i.e. warning not watch. I have a weather thing that is specific to the area and the fire station is 3 blocks away with a loud tornado whistle.

[MartyT]

Stay safe, Mary, and keep us posted, lest we worry . . . ♥

[mfh]

Kay, I saw on FB that you planned to take your mom out last night. I hope it well. How did it go?

Marty, thank you. Just checked and today looks ok.

[feralfae]

Mary, I am so proud of you for clearing your calendar! Bravo! Brava!

I loved Anne's Turtle Days, and now you can have some of those this next week. Although the memories have been painful to let in much of the time, the healing from getting past the pain to the love and laughter of those drives on the AlCan has been very healing for me. So many memories, so much to remember. As I am shedding tears and sorrow, I am also clearing away the sadness to be able to smile more at the wonderful days and events of our life together. I would imagine that as you sort, clear, restore, and continue to heal your heart, you are becoming more able to smile as well. I hope so.

Much Love to you, and stay away from the tornadoes. I hope your brother is safe and doing well.

fae

[kayc]

Mary,

Your Bentley would fit right in with me, most everyone in my family is OCD, I think of it as normal.

Please keep us posted about the tornado warnings, stay safe! If it looks to be close, you and Bentley find a shelter! Is there one nearby? We'd be out of luck, Oregon doesn't generally get tornadoes so no preparation for them.

You asked how it went with my mom last night...wearing, just wearing. Her paranoia was kicked in full blast, she was extremely negative. I just felt so worn out when I left from the emotional drain. I know she can't help it, it's an illness, and it has to truly suck to be her, but it's also hard to be around, that's why we try to do it in small doses. I came home last night and my internet was down and I was too tired to care, I walked Arlie and laid down. Today's a new day.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I just notified my Relay co-chairs that I will not be chairing the local event next year. I will make the official announcement tonight at our Relay Captains' Meeting--the last before the actual event June 21-22. I realized a few days ago that I have had nothing to post in the "What have you done for yourself..." thread and that I really need to throw some things overboard--starting with running the Relay. Working on cancer is not something I will give up, nor will I cease to work on Relay--but I need to focus on where I can do the most good. I realized I have seven different major cancer projects I'm involved with--and a number of smaller ones as well--and I can't do all of them justice and still have time for healing me.

I got a note from Jane's oncologist yesterday. They have done three valve replacements on NET cancer patients in the last few months--and what she and her partners learned from Jane's case has guided their footsteps on all three--with great success. It is a bittersweet positive. In losing Jane, Jen learned enough to save three lives--and God knows how many we will save in the longer term. Jen can focus entirely on NET cancer now because of the money we have raised for the NET cancer program at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.

And I still "have promises to keep--and miles to go before I sleep" to quote Bobby Frost.

Peace,

Harry