widower Posted August 7, 2012 Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 Just wondering how some of you dealt with it, did you do anything special etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted August 7, 2012 Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 Widower, What I did special was celebrate Ruth's life... I wanted to be alone but I worked that day then came home, had a small dinner and cried, as well as prayed and spoke to her...I still celebrate special days we had the Love and Bond will never be broken... even as I move forward in my new relationship we both speak and remember those days...Christmas was hard as it is Ruth's favorite Holiday, still is and approaching 3 years, but I put up "our" special pieces and celebrate...one thing I've always had is a strong spiritual connection with Ruth and still do almost daily so I think that plays a big part in my thoughts and actions...may you find your special time as well...remember in this journey we must put our feelings first now, as we must find our peace and comfort... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted August 7, 2012 Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 It's my Pete's birthday tomorrow. I shall be alone. I spent our 50th wedding anniversary with our daughter two weeks ago but decided to do this alone. But I woke this morning feeling not only emotionally sick but also physically ill. No definite symptoms, just ill. I haven't felt like this before ( it's almost for months since he died). I have a dog I have to walk and things to do to prepare for our daughter coming to stay but I can't get out of bed. I know I have to. Maybe ts something to do with knowing its Pete's birthday tomorrow. I don't know but I feel wretched. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 7, 2012 Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 Jan, I'm sorry. Those days always seem hard. I can't say as I've celebrated it since his death, what's to celebrate, I've tried ignoring it but that doesn't work either. I keep remembering his last one, how I wish I'd known it would be his last, although I wouldn't have made it through it I I'd known. I'm glad your daughter is coming, at least you won't be alone. And I'm glad you have a dog to walk, sometimes that's all that keeps me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted August 7, 2012 Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 My husband would have turned fifty two months after his death. My kids and I gathered with his family and had one of his favorite meals. I dont remember much. I was still in the grief fog. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this very rough day. I think the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the sadness and the pain rather than ignore it. Sometimes lying in bed and crying all day is nessesary. Try to remember that no matter what you are feeling it is only temporary. Each emotion, each painful thought runs its course and is part of the healing process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lina Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 We will be celebrating Arthur's 37th birthday in October. My daughter and I will be joining his mother and sisters for the day. We are planning on spending it together, talking about him, remembering him, loving him and celebrating his life. This first birthday will be very hard, but I am glad I am going to be spending it with people who loved him as much as I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 We will be celebrating Arthur's 37th birthday in October. My daughter and I will be joining his mother and sisters for the day. We are planning on spending it together, talking about him, remembering him, loving him and celebrating his life. This first birthday will be very hard, but I am glad I am going to be spending it with people who loved him as much as I do. Sometimes I wish we had a "like" button! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted August 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Widower, What I did special was celebrate Ruth's life... I wanted to be alone but I worked that day then came home, had a small dinner and cried, as well as prayed and spoke to her.... Sounds like my Valentines Day. Thanks all for the replies. I'm just undecided if I want to do something (even if the above) or just try to get through the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 Widower, That is so ironic you metioned Valetines Day as 2/14/2010 is the day Ruth joined the angels, that day is as hard as her mortal birthday and Christmas, but I view it as her other "Birthday" into the kingdom of our creator, my thoughts are with you... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 Nats, Thank you so much for mentioning that...I never thought of it that way, but I think it's going to aid me greatly when it's that time of year again, the anv. of George's death day. I forget that it IS their "other birthday" as they are starting a whole new life...sometimes I focus on my loss and his death as an end to things the way that I knew it...but in reality, he began a new chapter of his life, one that is free of pain and tears, one that has to be a whole lot better than the struggles of this world. No longer does he have to encounter aging, job loss, fallen economy, aches and pains, etc. And who knows what all is awaiting us in the next life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 Well Mike's birthday will be the 19th, he would have been 65...that was our target date for our combined retirement. Now I am already retired, for a year, and it is just not nearly as good as it would have been to retire with him. This year his BD falls on Sunday, and a few close friends are coming over. I found a bottle of wine, cab. sav. with the brand name "Earthquake". That was his character name when he worked at "Dogpatch USA" (a local theme park in the 80s and early 90s) and he used it for a nickname from then on....so we are going to drink a toast to Mike on the 65th anniversary of his birth.....with Earthquake wine. I think he would appreciate it. This will be the third BD since he died, the first one, I did not want to see anyone, but it does get a little easier in time. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 Nats, Thank you so much for mentioning that...I never thought of it that way, but I think it's going to aid me greatly when it's that time of year again, the anv. of George's death day. I forget that it IS their "other birthday" as they are starting a whole new life...sometimes I focus on my loss and his death as an end to things the way that I knew it...but in reality, he began a new chapter of his life, one that is free of pain and tears, one that has to be a whole lot better than the struggles of this world. No longer does he have to encounter aging, job loss, fallen economy, aches and pains, etc. And who knows what all is awaiting us in the next life! Kayc, I get what you mean "sometimes I focus on my loss and his death as an end to things the way that I knew it" and it is indeed but in stark reality it is only just the beginning, for us as the one still here and for them being as you said "free"...once I discovered a good part of my grief was my own selfishness I approached this journey from a different view, I looked in the mirror and asked myself if I missed her so bad that I would rather see her continue to battle the pain, fear, and uncertinty...of course the answer was easy NO, as much as it hurts with Ruth not being here in the physical sense, I love her so deeply I want only the best for her always, after all is that not what Love is all about?...she "Lives" on everyday with me, I see her in the beauty of my new beautiful white cat, I see her flying with the butterflies while I mow, I see her when my dogs play as she always encouraged them, and I see her when I look in the mirror everyday in me, because of her I am the person I am today...she taught me so much about Loving someone, and I carry that with me in my new journey with my new Love just as she would have wanted...and many days I still have the tears but that's OK, because it keeps me in touch with just how precious life is...may you find comfort on your journey... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted August 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Well Mike's birthday will be the 19th, he would have been 65...that was our target date for our combined retirement. Now I am already retired, for a year, and it is just not nearly as good as it would have been to retire with him. This year his BD falls on Sunday, and a few close friends are coming over. I found a bottle of wine, cab. sav. with the brand name "Earthquake". That was his character name when he worked at "Dogpatch USA" (a local theme park in the 80s and early 90s) and he used it for a nickname from then on....so we are going to drink a toast to Mike on the 65th anniversary of his birth.....with Earthquake wine. I think he would appreciate it. This will be the third BD since he died, the first one, I did not want to see anyone, but it does get a little easier in time. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Funny you mention wine, I bought a bottle of one of our fav's - I figure if nothing else I'll toast her. I admit I'd just as soon it be over though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 It would appear I'm simply meant to spend the bulk of the day crying. I so hate this. All of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizardo Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 It would appear I'm simply meant to spend the bulk of the day crying. I so hate this. All of it. May I join in your hatred? Today I attended a retirement party for a close friend of my husband's.... it was lovely except for having to tell about three people who hadn't heard, that Darrell is dead. Cripes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terp8r Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 I too would like to join in the hatred. I also had a person ask how my "hubby" was doing. I did feel bad for her as I know she thought a lot of him and was truly upset. Peace and love, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted August 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Yes feel free to "join in." I'm sorry for you both. I'm half ashamed to admit I'm glad that day is over, though it did pick up later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Widower, spent last evening with friends, and toasted Mike and Julia Child for their respective birthdays. Julia would have been 100 this past week, Mike would have been 65. His birthday is today. We had the Earthquake brand red wine, was good, but not as good as the price would lead you to expect. My friend Joe, who used to be a chef in Eureka Springs, AR, actually met Julia years ago. He made boeff Bourginion from her recipe. We celebrated Mike's birthday yesterday, as I was going with my daughter and her family to Branson today. I know this first birthday without your wife is so hard, so sorry for the pain. This is the third birthday since Mike's death. Gets easier, not great, just easier. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2boysmom Posted August 20, 2012 Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 Queeniemary - <<hugs>> and prayers. Hope the 19th was not too horrible for you. Terry would have been 53 on the 22nd. He has been gone for 2 months now. I have to work so at least my mind will be occupied most of the day. My other plan would be to sit home and cry all day. But my daughter who lives 2 hours away is coming tomorrow to spend a few days with me and the boys. The kids are already planning a movie night for that night. Comedies only. The kids will make sure I do not cry for hours - they will try to keep me entertained. So sorry for everyones pain but glad to have a place to vent....My husband was self-employed. My dad handled all the calls for the first month and then they stopped - until last week when I happened to answer the phone and the guy asked if I could have someone check out his air conditioner. Why do they have to keep asking questions - no I can't recommend anyone and I really don't care if your a/c is not working. I was very rude - but the kids laughed about it and I'm sure he won't ever call back. At least I have my boys with me - they make me laugh every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 20, 2012 Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 Widower, I'm sorry...I know it's rough. I put messages in balloons for George his 1st bdy after and sent them up to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted August 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks all for the replies and best to you, esp on days like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now