I Put My Dog Gordo Down Thursday

[GordosMom]

I found out two weeks ago that my chihuahua had a tumor in his pancreas and was told there was not much they could do for him. Dr. said I could see a specialist but it would be costly and he didnt feel they would even be able to do anything for him. He wanted me to take Gordo the next day to be put down. I couldnt bring myself to do it because he was still eating and happy to see me and he was getting up on his own to go outstide. I spent the last week and a half making him special food that he could digest but during the past weekend things just seemed to be getting worse. Thursday morning he got up from where he was laying and he started slipping when he was walking, after some time and even right before he was put down he was still walking but I was scared because the Dr. said he was suffering but that I still had the option to bring him home but more then likely I would be back in to put him down in a few days to a week. Now I feel like I made the wrong decision and that I didnt do enough or try hard enough for him. I feel like he still wasnt giving up and I did. Over the past two months when I noticed some early signs that something was wrong with him, I originally took him to a different pet clinic. The Dr. there was treating him for back pain because he believed this is what was wrong but he never mentioned anything about doing blood work and it wasnt till the second visit that he did xrays which he said didnt show anyhting unusual. I had doubts aout this Dr. but I still kept taking him there. When things got to the point where Gordo was throwing up, they did more xrays at this same office and told me he was gonna die that night because his stomach had twisted. I left in tears praying Gordo would make it through the night so I could take him to a different vet and thats where he was diagnosed with the cancer and it turned out he never had back pain or had his stomach twisted. I keep thinking maybe if I had just taken him to another vet originally, surgery might have been an option and I also regret not seeinging a specialist even if I couldnt afford it. I will never know. I found Gordo three years ago and I dont feel like it was enough time but it was enough time for him to touch my heart. I dont feel like he deserved this kind of life, I think he had been abandoned when I found him and he was scared. It didnt take long for him to grow close to me. He was such a good little dog.

[Bunny'smom]

Dear GordosMom,

Know that Gordo is at peace now. He is no longer in pain or having a hard time walking. He would not want you you to question your decisions about how you cared for him. You did what you thought was best. Gordo knows that you were the best Mom in the whole world. He feels the love that the two of you shared and wants you to remember all the happy times. Those three years were precious to both of you. Know that the two of you will meet again. Be kind to yourself. You will get through this pain.

[GordosMom]

Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to read about my Gordo.

[kaanen]

Hello GordosMom,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Gordo, he was very special.

I just lost my beloved Boxer and it hurts so much, I just wanted to send you many, many hugs at this difficult time, take care.

[kayc]

You were the best mom you could be for your Gordo, and if you didn't get the best vet in the world, that was his onus, not yours, we rely on professionals to do their jobs correctly and don't have their education/expertise to know when they err. Your Gordo is free of pain now and I truly believe you will be reunited with him someday. I hope you can let go of self-recriminations and know that you were the one that rescued and adopted Gordo and gave him the best part of his life. I'm so glad he had you and I bet he is too.

[Unrecognizable]

Wow, Bunny'sMom hit it right on the head. I ditto every word said. I've had to put down several beloved pets over the years. Even when I know it is the right thing to do for them, it kills me, and I hate having to be responsible for that decision. I hate myself for not being a better parent, even though I was a great parent and loved my pets more then I loved my humans. I care for my pets like little babies and they're just spoiled rotten. I have a hard time letting go. Some how punishing myself it tribute to them. I know that doesn't make since at all, but that is how my mind works. I grieve a long time if I have to put an animal down, much longer then if God takes them with old age.

Seems like it's all in our perspective. I'm so sorry for you loss, and I hope you find peace. As Bunny's Mom said, "Be kind to yourself". We are our so hard on ourselves, even when we do our best. PS have you visited the Rainbow Bridge site? It's lovely, for pet owners only.

[GordosMom]

Thank you. Thats why this has been so hard for me. If he had passed in the middle of the night I would still be in pain but I dont think I would feel guilt. I just feel like who am I to say when a pet should live or not? I hate that I had to make that decision. This is the first time I have ever had to put a dog down myself. I had a childhood dog that I left behind at my parents when I got older and my mom ended up taking her to be put down when she got sick. To this day I still have regrets that I didnt take her with me. She never got the proper medical care. I promised I would never let this happen to any of the dogs I have now, they are my babies. I currently live alone and they are who keep me company and I feel safe to have them.

I just looked at the rainbows brindge site and it is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me.

[MartyT]

Dear one, let me add my voice to the others ~ I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you've discovered by now that the guilt you are feeling in the wake of this god-like decision is not at all unusual, and certainly to be expected. I want to point you to another thread in this forum, in hopes that reading the posts there will help you feel less uncertain that you've done the right thing for your beloved Gordo: Put Our Sweet William to Sleep Yesterday - Now Second-Guessing

[GordosMom]

I just wanted to thank everyone who has commented and has taken the time to read my story. I appreciate the support and suggestions. Deep down I know I did the right thing but its going to take a long time for me to accept it. Being able to read other peoples experiences, I know I am not alone and my heart goes out to anyone who is going through this or has gone through this.

[MartyT]

Here's another outstanding article I just found in my files, that made me think of you: Breaking the Power of Guilt, by Moira Anderson Allen

[kaanen]

Hi GordosMom,

I totally understand everything you're saying as others here do too. We do know deep, deep down we did the right thing but I think it's human nature to second guess things, what if I had done this, what if I had done that, if only....

There is no doubt you were a wonderful mommy to Gordo and would absolutely never have made that decision if you didn't feel it was the right thing to do for him. I noticed the reply from unrecognizable, "Somehow punishing myself...." I do the same thing, over and over in my mind, I'm sure it's because we loved them so much.

I relive over and over that night with Raleigh, mad at myself, why? I don't actually know why because we did everthing humanly possible, I guess it just hurts so badly our minds play tricks or something and it's part of the grieving process.

Is that Gordo in the picture? how precious.

I was thinking about you and came on to see how you were doing, take care of yourself, many hugs.

[GordosMom]

MartyT and Kaanen, Thank you.

MartyT, Thank you for the link to the articles, they have helped.

Kaanen, Thank you for checking up on me. I am doing better. Yes that is my little angel Gordo in the picture.

[kayc]

What a sweet little dog! Thank you for sharing your picture. I hope that the passage of time will help some, I know he'll be in your heart always.