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Let me start this blog by reporting I am not suicidal, but I have reached my breaking point. I am afraid to answer the phone or the door! Dad is recovering from another cancer surgery, that was not resolved from last yrs episode, the vehicles are breaking down right and left=$$$, and I am trying to move........and the new home was vandalised last week, I ong to look at old pics of Mike, but alas fate decided I shouldnt and sent a robboer to steal such.......Im am dealing with my crazy Aunt who thinks my relationship with Mike was created by the devil.....and when I stick up for myself my sister, states I am a horrible person......., my demented dog is ruining the house with accidents.....and I dont have the heart to put her out in the heat....work is a mess.....

i am tired here and dont see it letting up, I use to believe in Kharma, but what did I do to deserve this constant crap?

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Hello Dave

You did nothing to deserve this string of bad luck. Life is difficult...it goes through periods where most things work the way we want them and then through periods when they all seem to be falling apart. It is the natural circle of life. You must gather all your strength and rmember the positives...your father is recovering from his surgery..he is not on his death bed thank God...1 point for the positive! The vehicles are breaking down left and right..can one of them be repaired? I know that it takes money but it will come in time..do you know somone who can work on it for a modest price? 1 point for positive thinking!

Moving? How much work will it take to get it back in shape? a day, a week, a month?... but it can be done and it wont take the rest of your life right? 1 point for positive! As far as your relationship with Mike..the only person who really matters are you and Mike. We cant stop people from thinking what they think..the best you can do is limit contact or refuse to justify your relationship to them. It dosent matter. 1 point for positive! And the dog...I feel bad, but perhaps you can keep him in one place and limit the area where clean up may have to occur? May make life a little eaiser...not the perfect situation but with each of these problems, just takes a deep breath...I know how you feel though..this can be overwhelming. Now think back to the time when you lost that very important the one of a kind person in your life..you have handled life and death at its very worst. You came through it and you will come through these issues as well. One thing about losing our love in life...makes everything afterward easier to handle..nothing could com[pare to the pain and loss we already have suffered...Try to look at these things as a "piece of cake"

PS not minimizing how you feel or the problems right now in your life..just trying to lighten your load...Hugs...

Kimberly

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Sometime we all need that..it builds up and we need a good cry...dont be afraid to do so..it helps to release a lot of pent up frustration and sadness...it actually helps me feel better afterward! Take care of your self Dave...I care, we all do...

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It's just a block in the road! I promise you it'll slowly get better. That or you'll just shrug it off. I've told myself repeatedly, why is karma non existent? Why me? The film that was picked up by the network was dropped! And they are refusing to return our investment. I'm heartbroken about it, but hooray for lawyers. My 'grandfather' (by marriage to my grandmother) lifted his hands and struck me repeatedly. That old bastard has abused my grandmother emotionally and has been adulterous on his life. And refuses to leave the picture without threatening to take most of her assets! Damn being no pre-nup. These are just some of the road blocks aside from the emotional struggle. We ask ourselves why, but I consider it a challenge. I believe it has a meaning of overcoming boulders. Call me naive, but that's what has kept me going this year.

Dave, you are a strong beautiful soul. I know Mike is taking care of you.

- hugs.

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Oh Dave, I wish I'd been on line yesterday and thus replied sooner. I am so sorry for your string of bad luck or events...I know it has been that way for me at times and there have been times I have questioned why I had to go on...if it wasn't for my dog...

I do know some of what you are going through. I've had my granddoggy three months this summer...he is crippled and can't go on his beloved walks any more, he falls easily, and he's incontinent. I don't have the heart to keep him outside and listen to him cry...thus I have to clean up his messes...and I have carpet. As long as he has quality of life and isn't in pain, he needs to be alive. The moment he loses quality of life or has pain, that's different. But for now he still enjoys being a spectator and getting attention, loves getting his ears rubbed or his chin/neck stroked, and I totally adore him and can't think of losing him yet.

My mother has Lewy Bodies Dementia...she is extremely difficult to deal with, so I understand some of what you've been through with your dad. Anyone that ill presents a lot of challenges, and it can be very frustrating. That in itself is enough to deal with, that in itself is a full plate.

BUT that is NOT your full plate...instead you're hit with a robbery, and it's not just the "things" being taken, but mostly the pictures and mementos that are irreplaceable that are so grievous. I do understand your feelings, it is one of the hardest things to have to go through.

And to top it all off, a move. I spent an entire day just moving the contents of my refrigerator/freezer into temporary headquarters, then back into their new place, along with all of the cleaning, moving house around to accommodate getting old refrig. out, new one in, the long trip to town to get the new one, etc. It took all day! I was thinking at the time, if I was moving, I'd have all of this and everything else besides! I can't imagine...

As to the relatives opinions/comments, try to let them go. Honestly, I think I'd respond something like "If you can't say something nice, please don't say anything at all" but then I tend to be outspoken in my old age. :) Really, maybe even just a "That isn't a helpful comment, I'd rather you keep it to yourself." Sorry, I can't retort anything softer to that, people like that...well, I don't want to be around them, relative or not.

Dave, this is not karma, this is just life or something like it. If it was karma, then I too must have really been a horrid person, because believe me, I've had my share of bad in life. It just is what it is and it seems to land randomly. I don't try to look too deep for meaning in it. The Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust...IOW, random. I don't think some divine authority is getting back at us, although I have wondered if I get my sick sense of humor from Him at times, ha ha.

As bad as it is right now, it might be just as wonderful in a year, it's weird like that. I hope everything else is going good! Wait...IS there anything else? Hang on to your sense of humor and steadfastly continue...all else will pass.

(((hugs)))

Kay

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I do believe that sometimes you just have to put it in the "God Box". It can get so overwhelming and you can become so easily overwhelmed and you need to give yourself a break from even thinking about it. Most likely a very good thing that you are leaving town for a couple of days and I hope when you go that you focus on some me time. You will get through this rocky road and be stronger for it in the end.

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Dave, I just read your post. Even though my grief began almost 7 yrs. ago, it is still difficult. I just wanted to say that EXHAUSTION is a difficult part of grieving. It makes everything else we have to cope with that much harder. Our loved one has died yet life still has to be dealt with, the daily household stuff, crazy relatives, financial hardships and aging pets. I have ALL of the above also. I failed to take care of myself during all of this. My world collasped upon me and I haven't been able to cope. I haven't learned this lesson but I hope you will learn from my mistake. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, no matter what. Once your health and fatigue have been damaged its very hard to come back and live again. Deborah

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Dave,

I hope you enjoy your "me" time this week. I struggle with anxiety anyway, so when life gets overwhelming in what it throws me, my thoughts are not good. It DOES help to get away! I went to the coast Sat. and even though I couldn't afford to stay overnight, it helped just to have the change of scenery and be with my dog.

Deborah...you're in my heart as well. I hope you can begin the journey back to self-healing and wholeness.

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