Holidays

[widower]

All, hoping you are doing OK all things considered are are making it through the holidays, esp those of you doing it for the first time without your loved one. Last year was my first and there are no words. Just thought I'd throw this thread out to discuss or offer thoughts, ideas etc.

[hockeymom]

I personally am a big believer after receiving as a gift myself in cremation jewelry as a gift to a loved one or yourself for the holidays. It made all the difference in the world and I wear my keepsake ALL THE TIME! I received the endless love but I know the company has literally hundreds. I have since ordered gifts for others and in fact am doing so this Christmas for my brother in law and his wife that had to put down their beloved Elvis a month ago. Hope this helps!

endless love memorial pendant

[MartyT]

Hockeymom, I just visited the site you mentioned, and the photograph of the pendant you have is beautiful.

Lest we give the impression that Hospice of the Valley is advertising or promoting a certain vendor's particular product on our site, however, I invite those interested to browse the list of links on my website's Memorials ~ Funerals ~ Rituals page, where they can find this vendor along with a number of other alternatives.

And in response to widower: I hope our members will continue to use this thread to share whatever helpful tips you've used or plan to use as you find your way through this challenging time of year.

Be aware that you'll also find a number of helpful articles listed here: Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources

[mfh]

To remember during these holidays:

Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

You are stronger than you know. Although you may feel fragile, weak, collapsed, it takes enormous strength and courage to feel your pain and do the work of grieving. Know that you are being supported by friends, strangers, and angels (both on earth and beyond). And, of course, your beloved dear one is offering you strength mixed with enduring love as well. From Transcending Loss posted on Facebook.

[kayc]

Getting a pendant is a great idea, I wish I'd done that, but alas his ashes are scattered and absorbed by nature long ago. I lost my job after his death so I wouldn't have had money for something like that anyway.

Thank you, Mary, for sharing that quote from FB. It is true.

[KATPILOT]

Yes widower it is a rough time indeed. Last year was my first as well and though it may have been rough, I still found myself alive on Dec. 26th. I think the hardest part is decorating for the holiday.

As so many of us know, the decorations are a joint connection between the two. Doing them alone is so very hard. Even just touching the ornaments brings pain yet last year I knew she wanted me to do it. So I got a glass of wine, turned on the Christmas music and once I started, I knew she was with me.

That was one moment that I would not have wanted anyone else in my house. It was just ours to share.

I don't know if this will help anyone but think about it. They would want you to do it. As a matter of fact, I think they would insist.

This weekend, I did it again and for what it's worth, it was easier to begin.

Stephen

[ANC1117]

Every year Celene and I would make time to go paint a piece of pottery for the holidays. Last year my daughter and I painted pottery in remembrance of Celene. This year my daughter and I painted a pumpkin with our last name as the teeth (a little late for the season) and I painted a snowman (Celene's favorite) ornament for the Christmas tree. I dated it and will make it a ongoing tradition of years past.

Anthony

[kayc]

Anthony,

That is what I feel sometimes helps, to continue traditions and include that loved one with you. I have George's stocking hanging up next to mine, and his ornaments up on the tree. I hope he is viewing the festivities and here with me...I know what it is to be alone while you do everything, so try to remember, his spirit is with me and accompanies me.

[widower]

Thank you all for the replies. I wish I had something helpful to add but frankly I don't. I wish you the very best holiday you can have.

[DDS]

I lost my lovely wife to cancer on Oct 8 and I still can't believe she is gone forever...we were married 38 years (she was 7 years younger) and I really know no life without her..it was always "us"...the one who shared every single memory with me..I have many great friends and family who really care and so want me to be OK ... and when I'm busy (which I try to be as much as I can) I'm "OK"...but I know I'll never be the same...This Christmas will be really tough... every day is tough right now. I made it through Thanksgiving and I'll get through Christmas too but man it hurts so much... I feel for each and every one of you who has had to go through this...Life can be so unfair

[kayc]

DDS,

Please accept my condolences on your loss. It is the hardest thing in the world to lose your loving partner. Discovering this group helped me survive my loss, and I hope you will continue to come here, to read, to post. We are all in this together and the insights I have gleaned from this site have helped me focus and learn how to cope with losing the love of my life, the one that shared in everything with me.

[DDS]

Thank you KayC...You are right about it being the hardest thing in the world to deal with...I know that only one who has gone through this can really know just how overwhelming the reality of the loss is..Oh, my friends think I am handling it well..and maybe I am..but they don't see me but for a fraction of the time each day..not when I am looking at her clothes still hanging where she left them, dry cleaned suits she will never wear again, shoes ...and on and on...and I am not ashamed to say I cry every day over this...me, who was a Miami Dade police officer for 5 years...A guy not considered a soft guy... I hate this ... It was so unfair for her ...She was smart (an attorney), athletic (ran in a triatholon a year ago Mother's day), and a very great mom to our twin boys (now grown men...but she treated them like her "boys"...me included) .. They live away from here and I know they too miss her calls (sometimes daily) but they live their lives pretty much as they did before this happened. My life is not even close to being the same...and I know now it never will be...Oh, I don't sit around in a corner sulking all day..quite the opposite..trying to fill it with as much as I can to keep me busy...I came to this site I guess to see others that have gone through (or are going through) similar feelings as I am and to see how I may move on in what appears to be many lonely months ahead. Thanks Kay for sharing...

[kayc]

Well it's only been a couple of months so far, and in that time period, I was still in a fog. My husband passed away June 19, 2005 (Father's Day) and I barely remember that whole summer. One of the things that helped me was learning to take a day at a time and not try to look at the whole future or the rest of my life...it was too much to handle at once. In my family they live long and I remember wondering how I could do another 40 years w/o him! So it helps to just do this day or this moment.

[Wifflesnook]

Dear DDS I lost my beloved husband of almost 50 years, in May and I know a little how you are feeling. Please read back into some of the messages as you will find many wise words. Nothing can really help but at least you will know how others are managing to live in some way after the loss of the love of their life. Jan