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The tragedy today in Connecticut is beyond words. Those of us who have just lost someone close to us are fragile where loss is concerned...today the country grieves...and we should and we need to. It is, in my opinion, because we as a country do not really grieve and share the grief we feel when a tragedy like this occurs but rather are told to move on....until it seems to get lost. Our country is in a new place in these past years....and today. As a former teacher, as someone who has worked with many grieving parents and others who grieve and as someone whose heart has been shredded with my own grief...I am deeply saddened as I see what has taken place. Babies...little innocent children...gone. Parents and families and friends and a town AND a people...a country that will never be the same. Please keep those directly involved as well as each other in your hearts and prayers today as we support those in Connecticut and hopefully become a part of changing our country's culture that continues to allow this to happen. We lived in Colorado when Columbine happened and I thought maybe, just maybe, we as a nation would take action. I am not sure what it will take.

Peace to our planet,

Mary

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Dear Mary,

I know exactly what you mean and agree with you completely.

What follows is a piece I just wrote and posted elsewhere. We who have been through so much have a role to play in all of this. For those of us who have taught children, this is another of those moments where people do not comprehend the price of every Columbine or Virginia Tech or Oregon or Oakland.

Peace,

Harry

There are 20 children in Newtown CT tonight who will never be coming home again.

Their parents will never tuck them in again or hug their warm bodies. They will never see them unwrap another Christmas present or celebrate another birthday

There are six adults in that same town tonight who are never coming home. Their spouses will never feel their touch again; their children will never hear their voices.

I cannot tell you what those parents are feeling tonight. And for all that I know exactly what those spouses are feeling, I cannot explain to those who have not lost a husband or a wife what that feels like. In the full experience of my life, there is nothing to compare it to that even comes close.

I know what the adults in that school feel tonight. I have lost students in senseless accidents and from hideous diseases. But I cannot explain it to those of you who have not experienced that horror.

And I have some small idea how hard the days ahead will be for those surviving teachers as they put their own hurt aside to help those 650 surviving students try to come to terms with what has happened to their friends in a place they thought was safe—maybe for some even safer than home.

We can debate gun control and the causes of violence. We can discuss the motivation and psychology of the shooter.

But not tonight.

Not this weekend.

Maybe not even next week.

The coming days need to be sacred to the grief of the families—to the brothers and sisters, to the mothers and fathers, to the parents and grandparents, to every member of that school community seared to the bone by this aching moment that has changed the trajectory of each of their lives forever. We need to focus on helping them through their grief and their pain and their anger.

The only other thing we should be doing right now is hugging our kids a little longer, hugging our spouses in that deep embrace only couples know, and showing our friends just how much they matter to us.

This is a night to remember our shared humanity—to hug even the strangers we meet in the street—to treat everyone with just a tiny bit extra kindness, because we do not know the burdens they may be carrying.

Tonight there is an entire community carrying the heaviest possible burden. They need our love and support as they face the tsunami of their grief.

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Hi All, This tragedy is so hard to hear as I too work for a school and worry one day something might happen... I just hope for all these families have support and with the help of others they will get through all of this I can not even imagine how and what they are feeling right now... shelley

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Harry, this is just beautiful. I am copying it for my file. You have said it so very well. Mary

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I was just coming on line to start a post on this topic, so I am glad to see someone beat me to it. My heart goes out to all of these families. Murder is the biggest robber of all. Harry, so beautifully written. I wish it was on Facebook, it so aptly puts into words what the rest of us don't know how to wrap our minds around.

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This shooting today is so multifaceted. It has many arms...including guns laws, the lack of connection in our culture, unwillingness to get help for those who need mental health services, apathy, values and priorities, and so much more.

On a personal level I so missed Bill today. We would have held each other, cried together, watched the news together. We did it so many times through too many shootings, bombings and tragedies. I think we are all pretty vulnerable in our grief so when something huge like this happens, we are able to feel it in our rawness.

I highly recommend Francis Weller's Entering the Healing Ground...in part he addresses personal grief but also grief that results from days like today.

Pray for the parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, teachers, villagers, crisis counselors, and more pray for our country we own more guns and more people die of gunshots than anywhere else makes no sense.

Mary

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Harry, can you send me the link so I can "share" it?

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On another note, this comes on top of the shooting at Clackamas Town Center, here in Oregon. Also today was another tragedy in China, someone stabbed over 20 children. I don't know what's the matter with people but I certainly hope we can learn something in all of this to prevent future tragedies. And I pray for blessing to come for those affected by these tragedies...that something good can somehow come from this horror...I know that's what God is in the business for. A teen posted on FB today that God's hand is in even this. ??? I don't see His hand in anything to do with this, but I pray His hand will show up in the days to come at least.

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I do not know about anyone else but I slept poorly last night and woke up with a heavier than usual heart. I think I can't feel more pain and then yesterday happens. I could not get those babies and their parents and siblings and friends out of my heart and mind.

I hope yesterday's tragedy will become a turning point but I am not naive enough to believe anything will change…at least quickly. In time, yes, but not in my lifetime. A local activist posted the following about gun violence: “If you want a reality check about local attitudes about guns and ammo, get yourself invited to a shooting range and take a look at the kinds of things people shoot at (manikin torsos, photos of ex-wives, stuffed animals), the kinds of weapons they use and amount of ammo used.” Too many people think nothing of shooting small animals (squirrels, birds, rabbits) for fun or target practice or even hosting dog fights. It is unbearable. It says so much about how our culture values life.

The violent video games, the violent movies and commercials, the increasing blur between TV shows and the reality of the violent news …that people ingest and digest daily is all but universal. More and more we let things slide. We don’t blink an eye at what used to shock us. People are numb to it. Kids grow up in this culture. And because people will not grieve this for long…some not at all…it will happen again.

It is our grief, I believe, the depth of it (and how deeply we here choose to feel it) that will heal us. Not that we will EVER forget. I believe the grief I feel is with me forever. But when a nation will not honor grief, how can it heal? It won't be long before someone says, "It is time to move on". How sad.

Another reason to be grateful for this site and for the incredible leadership that Marty provides. It gives people a safe place to share their pain and grieve in a community.

Peace to our planet,

Mary

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Dear Ones,

Like all of you, I am shocked and saddened beyond words at the events in Newtown, CT yesterday. I too am grateful that we have this place to share our pain and support one another in our grief.

I've asked Harry's permission to reprint his beautiful piece on the GH Blog, and I'm awaiting his response.

In addition, I encourage you to read a post by Christine Thiele entitled The Power of Good. It brought me comfort this morning, and I hope it does the same for you.

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The love and goodness comes when we have faith. However there are few troubled souls who don't see the faith and the future looks bleak. The ease of access to things (guns) also does not help build faith. I hope to be strong in my faith to help those who are unable to help themselves. I am sure the good is stronger than evil.

Thanks,

Kavish

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Dear Kay,

There is no link, but feel free to cut and paste.

I've turned off the TV multiple times today--as well as the radio. I'm just not in the mood to listen to people spouting the same talking points they always do when this kind of thing happens. It just makes me angry.

Yes, we do need to talk about what to do to end this senseless violence. But it needs to be thoughtful conversation--not people shouting at each other. That is just another form of violence.

I lived through the Kennedy assassinations, the King assassination, the attempt on George Wallace. Nothing changed. I lived through Kent State. Nothing changed. I lived through the Reagan assassination and the Brady Bill--and nothing really changed. I lived through Columbine--and nothing changes. We had Aurora and Oregon and the Sikh temple, and nothing changed. We talk at each other and not with each other. Until we start listening to each other and really thinking instead of buying whatever talking points the left and right fill up the airwaves with, nothing will change.

So i am spending my weekend thinking about the children in Newtown and their parents and their teachers. And Monday I will start thinking about how to reconcile the Second Amendment and gun violence in the modern world. I doubt either side will listen to what I have to say, nor will either side like it probably. But it ill not be a rehash of the worn arguments I've heard for going on 50 years now.

Peace,

Harry

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Guest babylady

i'm a little late posting on this subject. been crying for days.

yesterday i saw a little boy in denny's. i asked if i could hug him. he shook his head "no". his dad said "he's shy".

trying to stay away from the news, but it's hard. thank goodness for cable tv.

when my son was born in 1961 my grandmother a strict catholic said to me "child, don't have anymore children -- the world is not a nice place anymore". i always wonder what grandma would think of the world now.

arlene

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Anne, I know this event certainly triggered off pain in me so I can only imagine how it became a catalyst to so many tears for you and others. This is such a sad time for our world but I am holding out hope that things will begin to change and that seeing 6 year olds murdered might be enough to get the attention of those who can initiate change. Miracles do happen. What a price to pay. I felt a lot of anger yesterday that our country has come to this. It opened a lot of anger about Bill's death, something I have not felt much. I am sure this event in CT has affected so many of us in many ways. I am also incredibly sad and as I watched the vigil tonight alone except for Bentley I wept especially seeing the agony of some of those present and when the first responders entered. I can only imagine what they have been through. I was trained many years ago to be on call for the Red Cross-difficult work but rewarding. I may renew my certification and take Bentley with me.

I know these holidays are very very tough on you. they are tough for me also but I also know the first one when you are so very raw is a major challenge. I am reaching out to you and others here. The season is long but it will pass and you will make it through...we always do somehow. Not easily but we get through it. Be good to yourself

Love and peace

Mary

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Thank you, Harry. I was able to "share" on FB from the link Marty made. It's a message I wanted to see travel. So many of us just do not have our hearts in Christmas this year, the shootings and China's knifing just finished us off. I pray for rest and respite for us all.

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Thank you, Teny. I don't know that there's any answer. There's just a lot of sad things happening in the world...everywhere.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am still very very affected by the tragedy in Newtown. First of all, it occurred here in CT just 30 mins from us. Second, I am a child abuse advocate so any violence on children breaks my heart. Third, my Mother was shot and killed in my presence by my stepfather when I was 15. That violence is something no child should have to witness... Bless those that witnessed it and the families who's children are in Heaven now.

I have seen Newtown, and the huge memorials, things left for each child... A tree for each child. Hundreds of things left. Candle burning brightly.

So beyond heart wrenching. :(

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